Worst day of my life

Yeah.. it’s my life.. in my own words I guess..

“Your bloody son wakes me with his stupid call to pick him up and you come home saying nothing happened??” Her words pierce through the silence like a dagger pierces my heart. I knew something like this would happen. Hell, I knew it all along. Mum was red in the face. She looked like she could shoot daggers with those eyes of hers. You have no idea what happens when my mum is angry. No idea.

My name is Alison, and I’d just like to introduce you to my life, my own lil world. It ain’t perfect, if you ask me, so consider yourself lucky if your mum communicates better to you than to me. I go to youth group at church. Well, there you go. You already know one thing about me. I’m Christian. It was a Sunday when this happened. Josh was at the 11am service. Dad had just picked me up from Sunday youth group and we were shopping at Baseville. We shopped for like.. half an hour. I knew we shouldn’t had done that for so long. Of course, Josh did the only thing he knew, he rang mum. Mum works as a nurse at St.Alfred’s Hospital. She works night shifts on the weekends and sleeps in the daytime. You could say she’s nocturnal. Anyway, it takes mum a really hard time to get to sleep. Dad has to massage her, the windows must be closed, the fan must be facing her direction, and most of all, there must be complete, utter silence. You know what? Her hearing is better when she’s asleep than when she’s awake. She could hear a pin drop from miles away. But ohh, she can get mighty cranky when she wakes up. She gets physical sometimes too. I hate it when that happens. But actually, the reason I’m telling you all this is because it has to do with one of the situations I was in. Hell, it was the worst day of my life. Father’s day 05’

Yep, it was such a good day for dad wasn’t it, for when we finally came home mum was up and, rather surprisingly, asked quietly, what happened? Well that certainly comes as a surprise. But what came next totally blew it. Yea, one word can do so much damage. ‘Nothing.’ And she blew it. Trust me, it was not a pretty sight. She raved for three hours, each sentence ending in, “…and you tell me nothing??” far out. We went past lunch. Dad went to my study to do some filing. Bloody hell why did he have to go there. I needed to do my work. Of course, trailing behind him was his wife still raving. I wished I could work in a better place. When mum had ran out of breath, she turned to me, took another breath and started yelling at me to do my work. Okay by now you would think I wouldn’t be so stupid as to answer back but being ‘me’ I said rather quietly, ‘I can’t work with this noise.’ Oh it was the worst day ever. Mum practically lunged at me and pulled my hair so hard that I was sure she would pull my scalp off. No, I did not yelp, I screamed. I screamed so hard and so loud I was sure the neighbours would call the police. When mum finally let go I was crying. I couldn’t stop. Even when yelled at me to shut up and slapped me. My knee was shaking so badly I thought I might have got parkinson’s disease. Basically I was in pretty bad shape. Mum swore (which is unusual for a Christian family) and said we all had no fucking brains’ yes, I am pretty sure she spat out the f word at least four times in our faces. Her spit was on my face and I felt disgusting and wretched. I found I just couldn’t do my homework in this state and went up to my bed to close my eyes and just “pretend” everything was alright. Two minutes later mum is yelling at me to come down and tell her what I was doing upstairs. I told her I was trying to sleep and she almost lunged at me again. “I AM THE ONE WHO NEEDS THE SLEEP HERE NOT YOU NOW GO AND DO YOUR WORK BEFORE I SLAP YOU” scary, huh? That’s what mum said. shrugs so I went to ‘try’ and do my work. As if things couldn’t have got any worse, dinner time came round. Mum and dad were yelling at each other in the kitchen.

“HOW WOULD YOU FEEL TO BE WOKEN UP BY SOME STUPID PHONE CALL??”

“I WOULD BE ANGRY YES, BUT NOT TAKE IT OUT ON EVERYONE!!”

GLARES

both pissed off

me and josh came out of hiding (notice he wasn’t mentioned at all in the fight cos he was hiding in his room, actually he caused all this havoc by calling mum in the first place what a coward) for dinner. Anyway those two were still fighting and then dad mentioned ‘the kids’ mum snaps, what about them? And of course me and my fat mouth says ever so quietly but in the silence, “me” THAT caused me my dinner. Do you seen the pattern here, how one word somehow effects the whole situation? I’m stuck here, God. Help mehelpmehelpme. I wanna get out of this mess. I want to die. Next thing I know once the dreaded word “me” was said I find my plate of dinner on the kitchen benchtop suddenly vanish from my eyes and land with a crash all over the tiles. Mum looks at me with venomous eyes. ‘Get out of my sight, go to sleep, I don’t care what you do, I don’t want to see you at all,” she seethed. I gulped and just went to my room. Before I left dad suddenly spoke up. There was a coldness there that I’d never heard of before. ‘Alison put your plate in front of mum so she can have another bit of fun at target practice.’ I didn’t know what else to do. I was so scared. Me. Scared. In my own lil world. So I put it in front of her and then I left. When I came to my bedroom I could hear them arguing again. “..WELL LET’S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT FOR ME TO SCREAM IN YOUR EAR TO WAKE UP EVERY HALF HOUR HUH?” I shudder at the thought. I’m so scared that I break down before I reach the bed. I cry so hard, but then I suddenly stop when I hear the thundering footsteps coming towards my bedroom. The footsteps stop outside my door. I can see the shadows where the slit of light at the bottom comes through. I know who is behind this door. I know. Suddenly it crashes open. Mum is standing there in all her glory, waiting to devour me. What? I choke. Mum strides towards me. I think she will hit me. She talks about why I didn’t get my dinner, she talks about how I put the plate in front of her made her crazier and finally, how dad was moving out and I can join him if I want. I don’t know what to say. She gets up, walks to the door and slams it. In the silence that followed, all I could do was cry.

Nobody loves you Alison, you’re all alone in this world, in your little world…

NO! I refuse to believe it. It can not be true. Jesus loves me. He always will. And with that I close my eyes, as I feel all the fear and sadness disappear, only to be replaced by warmness, like he were hugging me, and I cry myself to sleep.

In times of hardship,

In times of pain,

I will look to my saviour,

Always and again.

He lifted me up,

To him I will always cling,

I will forever be in debt of him.