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Epilogue
Five Years Later
I grabbed my chicken breast with my bare hands and began tearing pieces off it that looked easy enough to pop in my mouth. I heard a distinct clearing of the throat and glanced up. Seth was giving me a reproving look and I set my chicken down on my plate and held my hands up defensively.
“You think they would’ve taught you something useful in college.” He kept his blank stare transfixed on my chicken before finally turning back to his own plate.
“Because English isn’t useful?” I asked, only I was mumbling under my breath.
“Not if you’re going to eat like a caveman, it’s not.” He ran a hand through his long hair and sighed. “I’m sorry. This is supposed to be your celebration dinner and here I am, thinking your manners are important.”
I looked at Seth, long and hard. His hair was still black, though longer than I had ever seen it. I’d gone off to college in the fall about four years ago and because I was so hell bent on graduating as soon as possible, I’d taken all sorts of summer courses on campus to get all of my credits in. Oh…right…I went to college in Colorado because after Aden left…well…I didn’t want to stay in that house.
I moved in with Seth in his apartment, which my parents disagreed with but being as I was eighteen, there wasn’t much they could do. Being gone, Mandy saw no reason to keep working for my pain-in-the-ass parents and she moved out east with Alfred so that they could be closer to their children and grandchildren.
How am I? I’m not the greatest. It’s taken years for me to get to the point where I don’t cry every night. It’s taken years for Seth to get his sarcasm back…but neither of us will really ever be the same. And I finally understood why Aden was so adamant I get on good terms with Seth. Without Seth, I don’t know who I would’ve turned to – who I even could’ve turned to. He was there and the greatest part was that I didn’t have to say a single thing. He knew.
I had felt bad, crying all the time, but he didn’t seem to mind. When Seth hears me, sometimes he leaves me alone and other times he just comes over and sits with me. I never thought that Seth Bonaventure would bring a sense of comfort and security to my life. He’s been sober for over two years. It took him a while before he gave up his alcohol. It made him too emotional at times and it just helped depress him even more.
I graduated from college on December 18th and on December 22nd, I got a letter from a major publishing company that they wanted to publish Invisible Ink. Talk about crazy. Being as Seth gets busy with his own work and we just got done redoing the living room, we waited until Christmas Eve to celebrate the good news. I wish I could celebrate with Aden…I miss him a lot…but I know he’d be happy for me. And who am I kidding? I wouldn’t have been able to write it without him.
As for me and Seth – we’re not really sure what we are. I could spend hours thinking about it and I wouldn’t have a single clue…
My thoughts were interrupted when something hit my face. Seth was leaning over the table and had lightly tapped my cheek. “Are you okay?”
“Yea…” I smiled down at my mutilated chicken and then at him, “I was just thinking.”
“About…?”
“Everything.” My answer was a little vague and a little stupid, but it was somewhat true. The past five years have pretty much flown by. It’s difficult to believe that so much happened in so short a time. I should probably feel old, being twenty-three, but I don’t. I guess that could be a problem, but come on; Seth is thirty-four – eleven years older than me. I can’t ever feel old when I’m constantly around him. In six years…he’s going to be forty. Then he’ll officially be old. But the funny thing is that I won’t! Because I’ll still have eleven years before I get that old…and by the time I turn forty he’ll be in his fifties so I’m pretty much never going to feel old. It’s great.
“Stop smirking like that,” Seth had his eyes narrowed suspiciously, as if knowing that in my head, I was having a blast with the fact that he was so much older. “You need to stop daydreaming.”
“What if I was thinking about you?” I asked, batting my eyes. It’s hard to keep a straight face when I do that. It’s so tempting to laugh.
He shrugged, not seeming to care too much, and shook his head. He thinks it makes him look nonchalant about it, but the dead giveaway is the fact that he doesn’t say anything. He feels awkward when I say something like that and he hardly ever knows how to respond. It’s priceless. Quiet and shy…he’s going to be the cutest old man ever.
“Loreli!” Seth nearly snapped my name and I started laughing, “What the hell are you thinking about that you keep getting that quirky look on your face?”
“You!” I exclaimed, trying not to laugh too hard at the thought of grandpa Seth walking down a sidewalk with grey hair and a cane. “Because you’re going to be this charming old guy who-,”
“Shut up,” He said, pointing his finger at me, “And stop calling me old.”
“I mean when you’re really old…like your seventies.” I burst out laughing again when he cocked an eyebrow at me. “It may seem a little weird, but it’s funny.”
“Eat your food before it gets massacred any further.” He shoved a piece of food his mouth and grumbled under his breath. “And try growing up.”
I opened my mouth to say something but shut it rather quickly. I learned the hard way that it isn’t worth arguing with Seth about trivial matters. He’s real sensitive about certain things anymore…especially things that involve him. I can tell he’s uncomfortable a great deal of the time, mainly because I still think he isn’t quite sure how he’s supposed to act around me.
“Can we open presents when we’re done?” Just because I’ve grown up doesn’t mean that I can’t look forward to presents. Actually, the thing that’s getting me is that Seth completely hid everything from me and refused to put it under the tree until the last possible second.
“After we clean the kitchen, all right? I know I won’t do it if I put it off and I don’t think either of us will want to do it tomorrow.” Sadly, he was right. Those stupid presents had to wait.
I wasn’t even sure if the dishes were really and truly clean because I had been washing them faster than light. I can’t help the fact that I’m a present person…or maybe I’m just a Christmas person. I haven’t figured it out yet.
I sat right by the skirt of the tree and began glancing over the presents for me with intense curiosity. One caught my eye in particular, but mostly because it was so small. “You can open them,” Seth sighed, laying down on the couch and closing his eyes.
“You aren’t going to open yours?” I asked curiously.
“They’re all from you, aren’t they?”
I sat there, utterly puzzled. “Yea,” I said slowly.
“Exactly. I don’t think I’ll open them.” Part of me wanted to laugh but the other part was telling me to throw a pillow at his head. I chose to go with the latter.
“You have to open presents with me. You can’t break tradition…or I’ll break your face!” I laughed. Seth smiled slightly and managed to drag himself from the couch to the floor. I immediately handed him one and we both began unwrapping them. For some reason, I kept the little one by my leg and I saved it for last.
Seth had already finished with his presents and closely watched me as I picked up the small parcel. “So,” I shook it by my ear and heard nothing, “What’s in here?”
“Generally one rips off the paper and then opens the box.” I rolled my eyes and tore off the paper. It was a pretty black velvet box. Just to see if I could make him angry, I looked the box over for several seconds. “It’s not going to bother me.”
I smirked when he realized what I was doing and figured that the only person I was driving crazy was myself. I flipped the lid open and my first instinct was to close it right back up…so I did. I snuck a quick look at Seth. He seemed preoccupied with a knot in his neck. Keeping a close eye on him, I cracked the box open again and snuck a peak…and closed the box extremely fast again.
“You don’t like it?” He asked casually. He hardly seemed fazed at all.
“No…it’s…it’s beautiful,” I stammered. I attempted to look at it again but the same thing happened. I was unable to keep the box open.
“Here,” Seth crawled over to me and took the box from my hands, “Let me help you with that.” He opened the box and I was forced to stare at it for a lot longer than a millisecond. It was a diamond ring. There was a large diamond in the center with two smaller diamonds on either side of it. They were partially inset to the gold band and they were sparkling like there was no tomorrow.
My head, heart, and stomach were going crazy. I could think straight and I wasn’t even sure if I was breathing. Seth grabbed the ring from the box and slid it onto my left ring finger. It fit perfectly. The little jerk had probably stolen my rings to find the right size…or maybe it was one of those times when he asked and I told him without even thinking about it because I’m so oblivious sometimes.
“What exactly is this?” I asked. I wasn’t sure because he hadn’t even asked me “the question” and it was already on my finger. I was extremely nervous, because I wasn’t sure I wanted that ring on my finger at all. It might seem horrible, but Aden was the only person I could think about. Thoughts of him had flooded my head and…and it was driving me crazy.
“Look,” Seth ran his fingers through his hair, forcing it out of his eyes, “I know what it looks like, but hell, both of us know that we’re not exactly fit to be a couple because we just don’t get along that way. We’re more than friends, but not in the sense of being a couple, so I’m going to propose to you.”
I froze and was tempted to start flipping out. He had just said we weren’t compatible that way and he was going to propose!? He grabbed my hands in his and sighed. “Loreli…I promise to always be there for you and I’ll always support you. You mean the world to me – I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone before. Loreli…will you be my best friend?”
His eyes got that evil sparkle in them and I ripped my hands away from him, not quite able to laugh. “You idiot!” I shouted, slapping his shoulder, “Don’t you ever do that again! You scared the crap out of me!”
For the first time ever, I watched Seth bust out laughing. He could barely breathe as he rolled onto his side, unable to contain himself. “Your face…was priceless!”
I pursed my lips and hit him again. “And you said I need to grow up? Please. Practice what you preach, mister. You’ve been acting so quiet all evening like you were oh-so-nervous and it was all an act! I hate you. I hate you. I don’t even know why I live with you. I honestly don’t.”
“Because,” Seth sat up and kissed my cheek, “You love me. You would be a complete mess without me.”
“You’re one to talk.” He cocked an eyebrow at me and shrugged. “I think I need to go to the hospital. My heart has officially died.”
“Then my Christmas has been worthwhile,” He teased, nudging my shoulder as he stood up. “I’m gonna clean this wrapping paper up.”
“I’ll take my stuff back to my room. And how much did this ring cost?” I wiggled my fingers in front of his face, the ring threatening to poke him in the eye.
“That’s classified information.”
“Seth!” I yelled, hitting him again. It had probably cost a lot of money.
“Honestly, just be happy with it and maybe I’ll tell you one day when your heart has recovered from the trauma of today.” I took his advice and simply took my presents back to my room, accepting the ring for the time being. I would probably have an actual heart attack after I knew the price. Men…sometimes I want to kill them.
I set my presents down in front of my dresser and stood up. It’s at the most random of times when the photos of Aden and I catch my attention. I always notice them, but sometimes I just have to stop and stare. The pictures are like affirmation for me – he was real. But over time, the memories have been fading. It’s difficult to remember conversations, odd occasions, and the way everything seemed okay when he entered a room. I miss it a lot.
I felt a tear sliding down my cheek and hurriedly wiped it away. I cried during all the holidays…but this year I was trying to keep a dry eye during Christmas Eve. I couldn’t be so sad all the time. I had to keep myself thinking positive. I’d had wonderful years with him and I had Seth now…even though Seth seemed distant anymore. I knew I’d always have Seth around but he was nothing more than a best friends and nobody would ever be able to replace what I’d had with Aden. It was a horrible feeling, to somehow know that nobody else would ever be able to make me feel the way he did. I would never feel that security, and damnit, I hated the gaping hole that seemed to be right in the middle of my heart. I’d lost something, whether Aden intended it to be that way or not.
I could hear someone knocking on the apartment door and groaned under my breath. We live by this insufferable couple that has nothing better to do than buy matching sweaters and bake Seth and I cookies for every single occasion. Sure, it’s a nice neighborly thing to do, but they drive me insane. The wife is a germaphobe and the husband…well…I can’t help but wonder which planet he’s really from. I dragged my feet down the hall and looked around for Seth. He was magically gone. How convenient for him. “Seth!” I yelled.
He poked his head out of his room and shook it. “Oh no, Loreli, I answered it on Thanksgiving. It’s your turn. And don’t ask about their fish. It died and apparently the wifey was very attached to it.” He disappeared back in his room and I tugged at my hair. I was in no mood to put up with them.
I just about ripped the door open, met by their smiling faces. “Hello,” I said oddly, my teeth clenched together as I smiled and spoke at the same time.
“Hello!” They said in unison. Mrs. Weird extended a large plate in my direction, her smile managing to broaden, “I baked you cookies!”
“Oh, you shouldn’t have…really!” I took the plate from her and nodded my head.
“Well, I just adore the both of you so much that I have to make you cookies. It wouldn’t be a holiday if I didn’t! And if you think those cookies look nice, wait until you see the ones I bake for New Years!”
“Oh…New Years!” I forced a horrible laugh, managing to sound more pained than amused. “Well, I’ll make sure to save some of these wonderful cookies for Seth. I would love to invite you in to talk, but I have to finish wrapping his presents before he gets home!”
I was talking like them! I kept exclaiming everything. “Merry Christmas!” They chimed together. I was embraced in a painful bear hug by both of them and then they went on their merry way. I felt the need to get a shower. Last time the Weird’s were invited in, I got a lecture about keeping the apartment clean because one stupid spec of dust had to land in Mrs. Weird’s water.
I had just set the plate down when there was another knock on the door. I started panicking. Last time they knocked a second time, they had forgotten to give us their homemade sparkling cider. Personally, I’m pretty sure it was toxic. It looks awful…and smells even worse to boot. I was tempted to shove the plate right onto the kitchen floor to release some of the pent up emotions of just wanting to be left alone on Christmas Eve, but no, they had to keep coming back. Seth was definitely going to hear it when I was done.
I opened the door with a lot more force than it needed, plastering a stupid smile back on my face.
“Hi…” The person said slowly, looking at me like I was mentally challenged. I immediately wiped the smile from my face…and opted to gawk instead. How old was I? But the guy standing in front of me was worth the stare he was getting.
“Seth!” I yelled. The guy…he had wavy black hair that brushed against the collar of his black shirt. It hung in front of his eyes a small amount; somehow giving his eyes the appearance of sparkling. He had a short goatee on his chin and a small silver hoop going through his left ear. His eyes…his eyes were entrancing to look at and diagonally between them stretched a white scar. “Seth!”
I must have confused the guy, because he looked somewhat uneasy and shook his head. “Are you calling me Seth?”
It didn’t help that while calling for Seth, I was staring right at the guy in my doorway. “…no…” I tried to form words, but it was becoming difficult, “I just…he’s my friend that I live with…I was calling him…I’m Loreli.” I slowly extended my hand forward, not sure if I wanted to know him or not.
“I’m Hayden.” His hand wrapped around mine and I shivered slightly. That hand was too familiar. Everything about him was too familiar.
“Aden?” I nearly screamed it in his face.
“No,” He laughed, “My name’s Hayden…it has an ‘h.’”
I heard Seth come up behind me and he sounded just as confused. “Who…”
“Hayden,” I said quickly, “This is Hayden.”
Seth looked just as hesitant in extending his hand towards the stranger. “I’m your new neighbor,” Hayden said, looking at both of us as if we were the weirdest people he’d ever met. I couldn’t wait to introduce him to the Weird’s.
“Merry Christmas,” Seth said dumbly. “You look extremely familiar.”
“I assumed as much. Your girlfriend was staring at me funny.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Seth corrected, “We’re just friends. You might even say brother and sister, but we don’t date or anything like that.”
“Oh,” Hayden said, smiling at me, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have made an assumption.”
There was a brief silence, in which I could tell by the look on his face, that Seth’s mind was working a mile a minute. “What are you doing tonight?”
“Unpacking probably. Opening boxes…kinda like opening presents, I guess.”
“Why don’t you stay for a bit? Loreli is a great baker. In fact, she actually has this crazy tradition of baking a lot more than we’ll ever eat. We already had dinner, but if you’re hungry, we could heat something up. But dessert and watching Christmas movies? It’s…I sound really gay. I’m gonna go do something…manly…” I heard Seth curse under his breath as he walked away and I could only imagine the intense desire he had to take a shot of some form of alcohol.
I covered my eyes briefly and laughed. “He’s not usually that nice and he doesn’t usually talk to people at all so he’s not the greatest at explaining things to people other than me, I guess. He’s…different. He just doesn’t think that anyone should ever be alone on Christmas. So…would you like to stay for dessert?” Hayden looked at me with the oddest expression on his face. “What?”
“I swear I’ve met you before.”
“I don’t think so,” I said quietly, my stomach squirming the more I stared at him.
Seth walked back in the room with a cigarette in his mouth and smiled a truly horrible smile. “MISTELTOE!”
Both Hayden and I looked up and, much to my horror, there was mistletoe hanging there. I had specifically told Seth to not buy any.
“This is awkward,” Hayden laughed.
“You can just come in. Ignore Seth. His brains got fried by drugs when he was younger.” Seth glared at me and I could only shrug. That’s what he got for putting me in one of the most uncomfortable situations ever.
I felt lips press against my cheek and I jumped. “I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to kiss a beautiful lady such as yourself.”
I had to be a loser…I was blushing…a lot…I could feel the skin on my cheeks burning. “Thank you.” I said it quietly, though, because I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to a kiss and a compliment. “I’ll take your jacket.”
He shrugged it off and handed it to me and I practically had to force myself to leave the room. Heaven forbid I stop staring at him for five seconds. In my room, all I could do was look at the pictures of Aden. They looked exactly alike. It was too coincidental to be a coincidence. Seth appeared at my doorway, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. “That’s just crazy. And I’m sorry if I’m acting strange, but you cannot tell me that’s not him. His name is Hayden? They look exactly alike? The only thing missing is his memory. This entire situation is just insane, but come on! That’s him!”
“Seth…don’t say that!” I hissed. “Aden’s gone.”
“Open your damn eyes! That’s him.”
I shook my head and then froze. One of the pictures of Aden and me was in the living room…framed. People always look at framed pictures. I ran down the hallway and into the room, cursing when I saw him holding the picture. Why did people have to be so nosey?
“See,” Hayden smiled and waved the picture at me, “It hasn’t been that long. I told you I knew you.”
P.S. The last paragraph of Chapter 25 isn’t really part of the chapter and it’s separated by bold and italics. It looked stupid if I put a page break in and the stupid star things by 8 on the keyboard (I can’t remember what they’re called damnit!) don’t work on fiction press.