A/N: Yep, 2 years goes by so fast, and in so little time I realized I was wrong about him... THANK GOD :D!

If Only
By: Lydia

I never knew this could really happen.
You seemed to be perfect for me.
But then I saw that you were controlling,
Seemingly above everyone else.

I thought we'd be married one day;
Perhaps have a child or two.
I had fantasies of a beautiful life with you.
And then I realized it could never be.

Why must this be so?
Why must your mind be consumed with control?
I guess I'm not the only one of us who's insecure.
It seems to be that you are too.

Gloomy sorrow consumes my soul
As I think of the man you may become in the future.
Such a man is confused by his own insecurity.
Having to have control just blinds his mind.

This poem may not rhyme, may not have rhythm.
But it does explain my feelings and sorrows for you.
If only you could see past your pride
And break through your control issues.

Perhaps you have an inferiority complex,
Perhaps you are only puzzled by what you hear in the world.
But I know the truth and want to help.
I know all is not lost, for I still have Yahweh.

If you must have control
Then take it, I no longer wish to be married to you.
If this is the way it must be, if it makes you happy,
Then be free and take what you believe belongs to you.

I will back away and watch you from a distance.
I will not debate with you any longer.
If you choose to believe different from what I believe,
Then so be it, I'll let you take hold of what you believe to be a stronghold.

If ever you wish to change,
If ever you wish to be married,
Will I still be available for you to love?
For now, only God knows, but I will follow him and be strong in him.

Maybe things will be better later.
Maybe God will pierce the stone sneaking into your heart.
Your happiness is false; your happiness will fail you.
But my true happiness will rely on God and will stay with me, whether you are with me or not.

So now, we must wait.
Wait for God to bring the future into our hands and hearts.
Whatever it is, I accept it and will do what God tells me to.
And I sincerely hope that you grasp his will too.