James - are you there? Is that you?
There is silence.
I slowly go mad with thoughts of sunny days, red bikes with baskets, and those favourite scuffed-up canvas shoes you wore.
A memory. It haunts me; dogs my steps. Following me around life, a road I thought we'd tread together always.
Back in the day, you would laugh at me and say, "You're such a fool, but a cute one!" Scattered pieces of those days clog my drain/brain. Fragments, a puzzle undone, tossed about in an earthquake.
I'm not even sure now that those days were real. Too good to be true, so they must be something more than reality.
Oh, I miss those days.

Do not long for the past, my love. I see the sadness clouding your eyes, they're such a pretty shade of blue don't ruin it. Your heart has cracks stemming out from a hole. A bullet hole in a windshield. Here is a new windshield.
"Where are you?" You sigh. "I want to be there with you, next to you, forever"
Not yet, my love. Have patience, for it is a virtue.

But I don't belong here! I belong with you! This world is eating me alive. I cannot bear it alone.

You're not alone.

I'm the loneliest man, honest-to-god.

What god would let you be lonely? I am with you invisible though, but don't doubt me! You never did when we were "young and dumb".

Why do I doubt you now, James? I sometimes hear laughter of neighbour children and wonder what their fate will be.

We could not have foreseen ours.

I never foresaw ours. If only... if only...

Dear, do not cry and spoil that precious face. My fingers are no longer solid and cannot wipe away salty tears from those porcelain cheeks.
SMILE. DRY YOUR EYES. SOULMATES NEVER DIE.

I think of you, torn jeans and kool-aid red spiked hair. I hated that look on you, but it made you think you were hot shit tops top boy in the schoolyard. What a riot.
Freak! Homo! Wanker! They called you. I wouldn't have it.

Yes, I recall you punching Big Billy Pringle in the nose over it. The broken nose made his spots less noticable.

Big Billy and his thugs were gathered in the courtyard. There we were minding our own business chatting, about nothing and everything rolling off our tongues.
Hey Bones! Billy yelled at you you looked over at him.
What? Need something, Billy? Need to lose some weight? Need a life? Need a good fuck up the arse from a homo? - You're so witty in your speech, so brave oh wait. That was me. I said all that.

I was busy cowering behind you.

You were trying in vain to hide behind me, but it was I who lingered in your shadow.

You still do. Please stop.

You fucking homo! Billy screeches at the top of his lungs at me at you.
Yeah I am fucking a homo. Tell your dad if he can't get it up to stop bothering with calling me.
Why you -
Listen, please stop - you whimper. He'll beat you to a pulp, Al, he will. He'll pound you so far into the ground you'll end up in Beijing.
Nah, it's cool, I say to you. He's tortured you for too long.
Only since we were five, you reply. Really, Alan, don't bother with him okay? Pleasepleaseplease.
Okay.
But Big Billy -

- who wasn't big where it counts -

- Pringle wasn't through. Hatred -

- or jealousy? -

- pulsed, his heart beating envy -

- or great wrath, either way... -

- He came thundering toward us.

Eyes were blazing.

Fists clenched.

Teeth grinding inside shark-like jaws.

He shoved me aside so hard I hit the ground falling. He went directly for you. I couldn't let him hurt you fragile slip of a thing.

So you got back up, pushed him back away.
Back away, Fatso! You warned him.
He didn't.

Then the monster in me was unleashed. Before I knew it, my fist connected with his puggish face.

BAM!! I heard his nose break. Blood streamed as you withdrew your fist. I pulled you away and we hopped the wall.

I thought he'd come after us. Going back to school the next day facing him the thought of him gave me ten anxiety attacks.