Those were always some of my fondest memories of you, Alan Starry-Eyed Boy from Cheltenham. More sanguine than I was you had this air of invincibility I could've only dreamt of. Why did you have to be the strong one and I the weakling I would wonder to myself as I fell asleep next to you you were snoring sounded like a chainsaw, it was almost unbearable. You were bigger, taller, broader, but by no means muscular remember we made fun of the muscled boys? You were my protector my shelter my saviour everything I wanted and needed an escape from the rest of the world.
James, promise me that you'll never just run off on me, okay?
I won't, I swear.
I kept my word, didn't I?

Everyone else deserted me. My parents they took one look at me after I was born and stuffed me into a picnic basket and left it in the park. So many friends loved them thought I loved them but I didn't really, they abandoned me after they found out what I was what I am and always will be. But you you stuck around... until...

Let us not get into that, dear. You know I couldn't help it I never really did want to leave it's just something that happened - unfortunate destiny became mine/ours.

... sometimes I wonder what it would be like if you were still here, I mean physically would you be a lot different? Sure, your appearance would have altered a little over time I know but still. Would you still be you?

And would YOU still be you, would you be the same if I had not gone?

Would you still be too afraid to put on the dresses of your sister you only wore in the privacy of your bedroom when nobody else was around?

How did you know?

You never caught me but I used to peek in on you this was before I knew you. You were just the weird new boy who nobody knew anything about a total enigma and I had to investigate. I stood on my tiptoes trying not to appear suspicious peeping through your open bedroom window. There you sat on the bed writing in a yellow spiral bound notebook the innermost workings of your mind spilling out onto paper. I yearned to see what you were writing but my eyes couldn't see the small scribbled words oh what were you writing?

Nothing in particular, my love. Go on.

Anyhow, I figured you must've been pretty odd indeed since you were donning a floral print dress and a pearl necklace and high heeled shoes I admit it slightly turned me on.

Slightly? What an understatement.

Okay, that was an understatement I wanted you knew I had to have you to get to know you know everything about you. I vowed silently at that moment I would have you all for myself and you would love me, oh how you did love me.

How I still do.