Armored Glass

He slammed me into the wall. My nose was bleeding. He grabbed me by the collar and flung me across the room. I crashed into the card table on my way down and broke it in half. My arm was all bloody and hurt like hell. Probably broken I thought. I couldn’t stand I was too weak. He walked toward me with and evil grin and death in his eyes. I tried to crawl to the phone, but he grabbed my arm and twisted it.

“AHHHH!” I screamed in pain.

“You think you can come home and do what ever the hell you want?! I’m in charge here!” he hissed. It hurt. Pain flooded up my arm and made me dizzy. My dad spit in my face, lifted me off the floor with his strong arms, and flung me against the wall. The wind left my lungs in one quick moment. As I gasped for air he smiled and walked away kicking a chair while making his way to his room.

I remained on the floor, completely collapsed, and breathed heavy. I did a quick check to see the damage. My whole body was covered in a crimson liquid that was draining out of the cuts on my arms, legs and one big one on my head. My new T-shirt was ripped along with my favorite jeans. I grabbed my arm, which was twisted in the wrong direction and twitched with pain. I slowly leaned hard against the wall, mentally begging it for support so I could stand. But the support never came and it left me to fall over onto my face. I took a cleansing breath and tried again. This time the wall was there for me. It offered its help until I made it to the chair by the counter where it left me fall into the chair.

I had to get out of here. Mom was gone. Dad was getting drunken everyday. He did worse to me then he ever did. I closed my eyes and thought. No one. There was no one I could go to. I was alone. Like always. I was always alone. You get used to it. Keys. My keys to the beat up old truck were on the counter. I took my good arm and reached out for them hit the key-chain my first try. Then I got hold of it and pulled it toward me. After no help from the wall I finally made it outside into the drivers seat of my truck. How I was gonna drive like this, I had no idea. I put the key in the hole and started up the engine. I didn’t know where I was going but frankly any place was better then here. I slowly started to back out of the driveway, but my back bumper hit a trashcan.

Now I really had to hurry. Dad would have heard that. Just as I got out of the driveway dad came running out of the house waving his wrench at me. I put the truck in drive and floored the petal. But it was too late. The wrench went smashing through the window and hit me on the side of the head. Glass went everywhere and pierced my body exposing more blood. I sped down the street fast as I could. But the blood pouring out of the side of my head where the wrench hit started to make me dizzy. I felt lightheaded. I slowed the car down near a field; afraid I would crash if I didn’t stop. I opened the door and fell out of it onto the abandoned road. The nearest town was 10 minutes away at least. I couldn’t make it. I dragged myself against the pavement over to the side of the road where I puked into the yellow grass. Once my stomach was completely empty I rolled over and curled up in a ball. Night was forming around me fast and there was nothing I could do. Not strong enough to go on, but not weak enough to give up. So right there I drifted into sleep.

I squinted and looked up. A yellow ball of brightness shined into my brown eyes. A white background behind it made the ball look even brighter. I blinked and looked dumbly trying to figure out where the hell I was. I decided thinking was too much work. So I rolled over and closed my eyes again and once again went into sleep.

When I woke up for the second time. It was to the image of a ceiling. White with those annoying little gray dots. I moved my fingers. They were lying on a soft bed, my head against a white pillow. I saw the little remote next to the bed. I pushed a button. The top half of the bed went up slowly so I was in the sitting position. Green curtains surrounded me. It suddenly occurred to me that I was in a hospital. Which would explain the clean sterile smell. I shut my eyes and sighed. I had to get out of here. If dad found out I was here I would be in even worse trouble. I opened my eyes.

“GAAH!” I shouted and jumped.

“Oh good, your up” said a little man who was bending over my face. He was to close for comfort. You could see his beady little eyes behind his huge glasses. His smile was disproportionate to his round face. He had a bald stop on the top of him head.

He circled the bed examining me.

“How’d I get here? What happened?” I asked him, starting to worry.

“Well, I local farmer found you on the side of the road. Totally beaten up and asleep. He thought, at first, that you might be dead. So he brought you here to check, but sure enough you were alive. We’ve put a cast on your arm and tended to all the wounds. You had some mighty bad cuts. Some will leave scars. You will be sore and bruised for the next 2 weeks. “

Suddenly all the memories came back to me. The fight. The blood. The drive. The drive!

“Um, doctor? I would like to go now. So if you would just tell me where my truck is, I’ll get going.”

“Hmmm. No. Your truck is in the parking lot. No need to worry son. We found out who you are, Leo.” He smiled while putting on rubber gloves and one of those facemasks.

“ Leo Lanely. 17 years old. Brown eyes and brown hair. We called you dad. He should be here any minute to take you home.”

At that moment, life came at me fast. Everything narrowed in. like in a movie where the camera does a close up shot on the horror of the character’s face. Well that’s exactly what life did to me. As my face became horrified it also turned pale green. When time started again and life zoomed out, you saw me throwing up over the side of the bed.

“Oh, my.” Was all the doctor could say while watching me throw up. He waited by my bed until I was done. Then he examined my barf.

“My dear boy. You’ve thrown up blood. We may need to keep you on bed rest for a week or two.”

I would have thrown up again except for the fact that I had no strength nor had anything to throw up. The little doctor called in a nurse to clean up the mess. Then he proceeded to bandage my arm and put it in a cast.

“This should hold. I am not going to do a full cast because all your really did was pull it out of the socket.”

As soon as he finished speaking the door burst open.

“LEO! Where is Leo!” Dad yelled. A lady in white followed him trying to calm him.

“Leo! My son!” dad ran towards me. He embraced me hard. My arm bent wrong within the hug and hurt even worse despite all the painkillers. I wanted to yell out but I kept my mouth shut and bit my tongue instead.

“When you didn’t come home last night I got so worried! I told you to stay out of bar fights, but no, never listen to your old man.” He remained hugging me until the doctor and the nurse could pull him away. The nurse led him away to sign papers as I thought about what a good actor he was.

A different nurse came in and gave me my clothes, clean and patched. She also supplied me with four boxes of painkillers. That afternoon we left the hospital. We rode in silence in my dad’s beaten up black truck.

----------

The images in my dreams were getting worse. Night after night the memories I had tried so, so hard to block out kept coming back. Details I had forgotten. Memories of my dad. I rubbed my eyes and my forehead.

“Breakfast, you worthless mutts!” called out the prison security guard. He let me out of my cell. Cell 184. Brad, my roomy got up and followed me out. When we got to the cafeteria men in orange jump suits lined up to get their lunch. I chose not to get lunch. So I went over and sat at my seat they had assigned me. Brad got his lunch and sat down beside me.

“So, you still having those whack dreams dude?”

“Yeah,” I said staring at the wall.

He took a swig of his milk and studied me for a minute.

“Dude, what’s up. You’re so out of it.”

“Yeah,” I said on reflex.

Brad punched me on the arm.

“Ow!” I shouted.

“Hunt and Brad cut it out!” yelled the guard posted at our table.

“Hey, man look.” Brad said leaning to whisper in my ear. He pointed to a new guy walking toward our table. He had on the same orange jump suit. He was clean. Yeah, he was new all right.

“Here. This seat always, for every meal. You will have 3 meals a day. 8am, 12am, and 8pm. Get situated. You’ll be here for a long time.” The guard gave out a laugh as if he had said something funny. The new guy sat down across from Brad.

“Hey.” Brad said curiously, “I’m Brad. Who you?”

“ I’m Vic. Buzz off.”

“Ooh, bad mood today, huh? What you in for? Theft? Drugs? Murder?”

“Drugs and theft. Now leave me alone!” Vic turned away toward the wall and ignored us. Not that I cared.

“ Aha, dude, you have no idea what you’re in for here. Better get out if you still can,” Brad kept on talking.

At that moment the bell rang. This meant it was time for everyone to go out to the gym. Exercise time. But for me, I was to go to counseling sessions.

I entered the room with the blue door. It was air conditioned in here. I sat on a couch and waited for Mr. Matilisky. He entered 5 minutes late.

“Sorry, I was dealing with a fight between Mark and Mark. They were fighting over who is tougher and who really gets the name. Pretty pathetic, eh Hunt?”

I sat quiet, evilly glaring at him in my mind. He sat at his desk and waited for me to say something. I sat silent. Then he sighed.

“Hunt, you’re in here every Monday for an hour. Yet you never say anything. You sit in silence. The most you’ve said to me is, ‘he started it’. You’re 28 now. You really should grow up. You’ve spent 10 years here. How much longer do you want? You served your time for the crime. You just have to pass your counseling then your out. Talk to me. We will get through your issues together. I promise.”

God I hated that man. My issues. I’m not the one sitting in an office telling people they have issues while they are in jail. If they are in jail they obviously had some sort of issue! Jeez. I still sat in silence. He walked over and sat cross-legged like a girl on the chair in front of me.

“Hunt. Now, listen. We really need to talk. Really.” We sat there in silence for the next hour. Me staring at the floor. Him staring at me. Then the bell rang.

I exited the room and went to my cell.

“Get in there, Hunt. You’re late! Like always.” Our cell guard said. The next two hours were supposed to be for reading, board games, or talking quietly with you roomy. I hate reading. I hate board games. So I napped.

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My dad grabbed the back of my neck and dragged me into the house. Once inside he slammed the door.

“Never leave this house Leo!” he slapped me. I stood there taking my punishment for falling asleep on the side of the road. My punishment for breathing. He punched me in the face. Blood once again drooled from my mouth. You’d think I would be used to this by now. He pushed me against the wall.

“ You know your not supposed to go in public u dolt. You know you’re just the slime at the bottom of the sea. You know your nothing. No one wants to see you.” He punched my stomach upward so it fully blew out my lungs. All air was lost to me as I crumpled to the floor. Last thing I felt before I blacked out from lack of air was that biggest pain running up my injured arm. Like nothing I had ever felt. Last thing I saw was him stepping on the arm that was in pain. Last thing I heard was an angry laugh. Then I blacked out.

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“Hey, dude.” Whispered the new guy, “what are you in for?”

I rolled over trying to ignore the question. I noticed I was sweating. Sweating to the bone and shaking.

“Dude! Answer me you moron! Answer or I’ll punch your teeth in!” I rolled back over and looked into his eyes. He was frustrated.

“What are you in for! Don’t make me hurt you!”

“… Murder.” I said blandly. He suddenly went from tough and annoyed to scared and small.

“O-oh. Sorry man.”

“I didn’t murder anyone though. They just think I did it. I swear I didn’t do it”

“Oh,” he said gaining back a little of his toughness, “so… um… how’d you murder him?”

“A gun.”

“Oh. Yeah. Of course. Well… I’ll let you get back to sleeping. Heh, bye Hunt.”

I rolled over kind of annoyed and afraid to go to sleep.

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I stepped out of my truck. This was the night. This would be the night. I had had enough. This was it. I was sick of it. I held the knife tight in my hand by my side. Slowly I walked in the door. My dad was sitting on the couch. Drunk again, like always. I walked up behind him. He was asleep. My one arm was still in a cast. It was no help what so ever. I raised the arm with the knife above his head. I was planning on striking down in the middle of his skull. So he died slow and painfully. I stood there soaking in the moment. I stared into his eyelids and saw the vision of him bleeding on the floor.

My vision lasted to long. Before I knew it his eyes where open and staring back at me. He smiled and my face went solid. I froze where I was. He lifted one of his arms up and yanked the knife from my hand. I still just stood there. He threw it into the fireplace. He then got up. Still I stood still. On reflex I curled into a ball on the hardwood floor. Ready for the first blow. I waited for it. I could feel his presence. But his harm was not to be found. I loosened up. Bad move, because just as I did the blow came. A foot into my chest. Pain flooded my body. I lay still waiting for another blow. But again it didn’t come. I waited. And waited. Time went really slow with the fast beating of my heart. I looked slowly at my watch. I had been 10 minutes since being kicked. He probably got bored. I stood up and took in fresh air. I looked out the window. Then turned toward the hall. My dad was still there. I tried to duck when he threw the object at me. But it was too late. The brick hit me in the face.

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“Dude, wake up! Didn’t you hear the bell!! Lunch time man.”

I opened my eyes and saw Brad and Vic waiting for me. I got off the bed, if you can call it that. I went to the sink and splashed my face with cold water. I was defiantly not in a good mood. I then followed Vic and Brad to the cafeteria, always 2 steps behind them. In prison, you invade someone’s bubble, you get your ass kicked.

“So, how old are you Vic?” asked Brad.

“I’m 20. How bout you all?”

“I am 26 and Hunt here is 28. He would be out of jail if he would just complete the damn counseling. He doesn’t talk much. So people don’t really know him. So everyone stays out of his way. Beware old Hunt my man. He killed a dude!”

“He told me he didn’t really do it though”

“Haha, would he be here in prison if he didn’t do it?”

“ I guess not.”

I tried not to listen in to their conversation. I ignored them as best I could and ate my egg sandwich.

“Dessert!” Vic shouted running over to the buffet. Brad and me followed him. When we got back to the table Vic and Brad were talking about past girlfriends.

“My girl was an Asian hottie. She worked at a strip club but came back to me every night,” Boasted Vic.

“Yeah, only cause you was payin’ her. Haha,” brad teased but then was punched in the arm by Vic.

The rest of the day went by fast. More out door time, then more indoor time, then dinner, then reading time, then sleep.

----------

There she was. My date for the night. Sheila. My Sheila. All mine. She had blond hair and was looking beautiful in the light blue mini skirt and white top. I parked my car in her driveway. And went to her. Her parents were gone for the night so we went inside, in to her room. There we made wonderful love. The best I’ve ever had. Her screaming my name, ‘Leo… Leo!’ god it was great. At the end we laid in the bed. Panting.

“That was great Leo. The best I have ever had. And I’ve had plenty.”

“Haha, me too.” I kissed her forehead.

5 minutes later her parents car drove into the driveway. We got up and ran around frantically for our clothes. We ran down stairs just as her parents opened the door.

“Oh, you must be Leo. We’ve heard so much about you.” Said her mother as we shook hands.

“Yes, indeed” her father added. We all walked to the kitchen table where her parents made us a snack. We talked about school and our families. I got bored so moved my hand up to Sheila’s upper thigh. When she attempted to shake me off I took her by the arm, excused us form the table for a minute. I walked her outside on the deck.

“What’s going on Leo?”

“You won’t let me touch you! That’s what!”

“I don’t understand. My parents are here. We can’t do anything.”

“Wanna bet.”

I leaned forward and kissed her hard and deep. She pulled away while taking her hands and using them to push me away.

“Leo! Stop, my parents are here.”

“Give me what I want!” I almost screamed. I leaned in to kiss her again but when she backed up I brought my hand around and slapped her. I slapped her hard.

“What the hell!” she screeched.

I stood in shock. I couldn’t believe I just did that.

“ I’ve gotta go…” then I walked fast to my truck, pulled out of the drive way and started to drive home. That’s the night I realized… I was my dad. I was becoming like him.

----------

That morning I woke up crying. Vic came over to comfort me but I pushed him away. That day, after lunch, Mr. M called me into his office.

“Now, Hunt. I understand you have been having bad dreams a lot lately. Is there anything you want to talk about?”

I sat in silence. Like always.

“Hmm, so you’re still not going to talk. People like you are a tough act to crack.” He crossed his legs. I shuddered. He paused then continued.

“ People like you keep all their feelings to themselves. Not letting anyone in on them. You think you’re protecting yourself by containing all these things. You put on a mask to cover up your fragile self underneath. You’re like a stained glass window. Beautiful and brilliant. But you’ve put a shade over it, so no one can see. Oh! Here’s a better example. You’re like a champagne glass made of crystal.” He coughed. “You are beautiful and useful but you’ve been used to many times. So to keep you in tacked. You cover yourself with clay. Just so you don’t have to be known. Do you understand what I am saying?”

I nodded to know I was listening, but mostly just so he wouldn’t keep talking. Despite my nod, he kept talking.

“ You’re like a glass with armor. Protecting itself against anything that might change you. Even if the change is good. You get it?”

I nodded again.

“Good.”

We sat in silence. Him waiting for me to answer. Me waiting for the bell. The bell came after 49 minutes. I opened the door ready to leave.

Before I got out the door he said, “Hunt, don’t be armored glass”

Then I walked out. Back to the cell. Fell asleep on the cot.

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“Happy birthday son!” my dad said drunkenly. He then held up a beer bottle and offered it to me.

“Hey son! You’ve reached drinking age. 18! Have a beer.” But I knew better then to take his beer. I avoided it. But again he shoved it in my face. I had just slapped my girl friend and it was his entire fault. I wasn’t in the mood for all this. He stood in my way to my room. I knew this was trouble. I threw a punch at him but he caught my wrist. He laughed.

“Take the beer! Now you worthless son!”

“No!” I shouted.

“Take the freaking beer!” he threw a punch at me and hit my cheek. Then he brought the beer bottle down on my head where it crashed and spilled down my head along with blood. By this time I was pissed. Total pissed. I kicked him in the shin like a girl and got my arm away. Then I made up my mind. I ran outside, hopped in the car and drove to the nearest hair parlor, then I drove to the local government building, and then I drove to the gun shop.

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I looked at the calendar. Tomorrow was The Day #2. And today was my birthday. I was now 29. Old. That’s what I was. Old. I went into Mr. Matilisky’s office and went through his drawers. There it was. What I was looking for. I took the universal cell key and shoved it in my pocket. I then briskly walked out of Mr. Matilisky’s office and to dinner. After dinner I hid the key under my mattress and went to bed. I couldn’t wait till tomorrow.

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Today was The Day. The day after my birthday. I would finally put an end to the abuse. I drove the truck up the driveway. Dad was sitting in the living room watching the TV. Its funny how it’s called the living room, considering the person in it would now be dead. I brushed my newly dyed blue hair to the side of my face. My dad heard me and got up and started walking toward me.

“Son! Where the hell did u think-”

Before he could finish his sentence I held the gun up and shot him right in the head. His body fell to the ground as I smiled. I felt no regret for killing him. None what so ever. I threw the gun in the fireplace and lit the logs on fire. I then took out one burning log with the tongs and laid it on the carpet.

As I walked away from the house I could feel the flames start to rise. Here I am. I’m starting again. I am no longer the Leo Lanely that was abused. I am no longer the Leo Lanely everyone loved. I am no longer Leo Lanely.

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Today was The Day #2. The day after my birthday. Everyone was still asleep when I woke up. I took the key out from under my mattress. And headed towards the door. The guard was asleep now. Good. I unlocked the cell slowly. I would miss this place. That’s for sure. I saw what I needed. I stealthily slipped the gun out of the guard’s pocket. I walked slowly to the exit of the cell room. When I opened the door, a guard was standing there, alert. He immediately pulled out the gun and pointed it at me. But I was faster.

“Drop it” I said sternly. He dropped it.

“Here’s the plan. I gotta get to the roof of this shit place. And you’re going to show me. Act like your escorting me there. Then when I get there I want you to come down and tell Mr. Matilisky. where I am. You got that?”

The guard nodded twice and started walking in front of me. I held the gun to his back as he led me past the cafeteria, past the lounge, past Mr. Matilisky’s office. We past few people on the way, which was good. We finally stopped at a door. The guard opened it and we went up the stairs. Another door at the top of the stairs opened to the roof. I smiled at the fresh air. I kept the gun to the guard’s back.

“Go now, tell Mr. Matilisky. what just happened.” The guard hesitated but then I lowered the gun and he ran like hell down those stairs. I stepped out to the edge. I looked down. My whole cell hall mates were out doing exercise time. I shouted.

“Hello! Up here!”

A few people shouted and everyone turned and looked up at me. I stood on the edge and turned to face the door. Waiting. I heard commotion and shouting down stairs. Then foot steps on the stairs. 3 guards ran out with guns along with Mr. Matilisky.

“Hunt, what are you doing…”

“Haha, I wouldn’t expect you to know.”

I realized then that all the guard’s guns were pointed at me. So I raised my gun, pointing it at Mr. M.

More footsteps on the stairs. The man who runs the prison, my lawyer, and 6 more guards came out of the door. They spread out around me.

I smiled.

“Now, I would like to explain some thing to everyone. This was the only way to tell everyone everything.” I shouted so the people on the ground could here too.

They all stood waiting.

I began my story.

“When I was a little boy I loved my dad. With all my heart and all my soul. I wanted to be exactly like him. When I was 17 my mom died. My dad became an abusive alcoholic. He abused me. He beat me up so many times. I couldn’t go through a day with out being punched. The murder, I didn’t commit. I just wanna set that strait. My friend murdered Mr. Lanely. Now, I have paid the price all these years, but never finished the counseling. Therefore I couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to leave. I stayed for everyone’s protection. I have recently been having flashbacks to my past. All the moments I don’t want to remember. This abusive disorder of my father’s is in me. I can feel it burning. I have contained it well. But its about to over whelm me. As I went through my flashbacks. I realized. I can’t stop the abuse. It was in my dad. Now it’s in me. And I would do it to someone too, and then they would get it. It’s like a disease. I just wanted to stop the abuse. But now, I’ve realized if I live, it wont stop. So to end it. I have to end me.”

A gasp came from the crowd.

“Hunt…” Mr. Matilisky said cautiously.

“No. Now, here’s the thing. I am setting the murder strait. My friend did it, not me. My friend, Leo. He has been in hiding. Do I know where he is? Yes, I do. His dad was also abusive. He decided that he needed to end his life to stop the line of abuse. He hasn’t done so yet. But I’m positive he will. Now who knows whom Leo is? Check the file. His name is Leo Lanely. That’s right, he killed his own father. But you won’t find Leo. But you’ve already found him. He died his hair blue the hour before he killed his father. Leo also goes by a different name now. He goes by the name of Hunt Kelly.”

A bigger gasp came from the crowd. The guards, my lawyer, the inmates.

“I am Leo Lanely. I was abused. I…Killed Mr. Lanely. I killed my father.”

Then I raised the gun to my own head. Smiled and pulled the trigger. That shot ended the Lanely line.

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and
just like that
the armored glass
shattered