Contemplation

When the first stars came into being and the worlds started to spin experimentally, life, as Homo-sapiens knew it, did not exist. Then was when the new Universe was young. Galaxies found a patch of space and gathered stars, planets, holes, rifts, suns and dust into that space, creating itself a personality, a nature. For many millennia, the cosmos changed, correcting itself here or there, striving to be in perfect balance.

As even more millennia passed, the Universe came into self-consciousness. Each sun, star, planet, galaxy, meteor and everything else knew of the other individual spirits surrounding them. Indeed each had a spirit, each were an essence of the Ultimate Birth, (Earth’s Big Bang Theory if you like). But none knew that the Birth was a new slate, began again because of its last mistakes in the reality before.

Earth in the old Universe had been the birthplace of intelligent races. But the Homo-sapiens changed; pushed by fabricated pressures they had created to define themselves a space in their existence. Inadvertently they bred fear, hate and war, all the “bad things”. They destroyed themselves and their world. No thing ever grew on Earth again; it was a place of dust and the lasting effects of death. The “bad things” had already spread to the essence of the old Universe before Earth died and lost its essence. The world spirits drew on the essence, so incidentally implemented the steps to their destruction as well.

Soon after the comprehension took place in the new Universe, the worlds became - sleepy - for lack of a better term. Their awareness became less, until all they knew were the basics of the cycle of life and death. Thus without thought, some of the planets created new life, like a child's experiment if you will. Because the worlds had originally been part of each other, the sequences of life were more or less the same. First, single cells thrived, then more complex organisms then creatures with consciousness, then creatures with intelligence, all at different speeds of growth.

Eventually, parts of the spirit of each world manifested into beliefs of the intelligent races. Or in other words, the spirits became Gods. Essentially, there are five Gods of the Universe. Each gave themselves to a domain, the five elements that sustain life. There is the God of Mystery, the God of Earth, the God of Water, the God of Fire and the God of Air. The intelligent races gave the Gods any number of names, even dividing them into smaller demigods. Any living creature that personifies the Gods has never seen or heard them. No matter how much they believe or pray or sacrifice or curse, the Gods will never appear.

We know better. The Gods are not creatures that have independent thoughts and interfere in the lives of their followers. We know the Gods are fabrications of insecure creatures, which deny themselves the knowledge that they are the Gods.

Our race strove to learn the mysteries of the Universe; dedicated whole lives to the search. Our determination to understand was our greatest quality, yet also our greatest folly. Awareness of the Universe is not as satisfying as one had hoped. The concept of the many, the population of a race, no longer has any meaning.

Learning does that to you. The outside influences fade away into nothingness. The concepts of community, family, individuality, emotion, responsibility, time; they became insignificant to the Grand Mysteries we thought were the Universe and our purpose in the Universe’s scheme of things. We didn’t understand that our race did not live if we did not experience those things and know that they were good. Our race was dying and we had initiated our own demise. That was our folly. We knew, yet we continued our search despite our slow destruction. It was the only way the race knew how to survive.

I (we) now understand that our world spirit, over the thousands of years we studied, had taken steps to continue its intelligent species when they (the old race) eventually died out completely. Every consciousness on our world did not disappear on death, as early scholars once thought. It went back to the world spirit, to be a part of awareness again. Yet the intelligent consciousness fell short. Can I think of our collected awareness as mine? There is no individuality or community here, just awareness.

Being aware of the world means I am one with its spirit, yet I am separate at the same time. I (we) feel every emotion and sensation that occurs every second. It is a strange thing to comprehend but I accept without question, it is my nature. A part of my combined awareness barely remembers the memories the old race once had, the different lives that were once led. Awareness does not think; it can only react and evolve. Yet here I am - what's the word - contemplating. Am I really the true awareness as the old race thought they became, before they evolved completely?

I remember something... to feel was to live. Do I live? Do I feel? Impartial – that is what awareness is. There is no such thing as right and wrong or Good and Evil, they do not have any distinction. There is just evolution. Is that it? Am I just another stage in the twisting existence that is the Universe? A piece of the puzzle that has no solution?

I don’t regret evolving and becoming aware, nevertheless if I did I can't go back to what we once were. Time will not allow it. Even the Universe knows this, and it is the vaguest entity the intelligent races could name, had they ever thought to consider the Universe was aware. I must be the next stage of evolution. I have to be. I am now aware of the world rather than ignorant of it as before, yet I am still tied to thinking and occasionally feeling. I even preserve memories.

Somehow I have retained the habit, the nature, of the old race. I can not wander the world and seek the answers, like some once did. I am everywhere for I am part of the world, yet not part. To know things without placing them within a concept was alien to the old race. Boundaries shaped the race and I (we) loved breaking them, to know there is more, however it was still a boundary. Now I know things but I do not pursue them, to understand them; they just are and that is enough.

The word / thought / concept of ‘WHY?’ reverberates throughout my so-called awareness; repeated by millions of voices / minds. But there are no millions of voices / minds. There is just me. There is a cacophony of sound but it is deadly silent. Why? Why? Why?

I (we) thought I was rid of the question, 'What is my destiny?' when we evolved. Evolution made destiny a farce too. Evolution is inevitable; change or start again. I am haunted / plagued by these ancient questions. Here is where partial awareness strikes emotion in me, for I (we) realise that is the extent of my awareness. Are intelligent races forever damned to trying to answer these impossible questions until they no longer think or act or feel? Will the cycle end once they (I) cease to exist and are entirely aware, fully integrated back into the Universe?

The Universe wouldn't be cruel to me. It couldn't be considered a feasible concept because there is no distinction. But the ancient questions have come back to me in a new form.

'Where do I (we) go from here, now that I am aware?'

Maybe I should leave the questions alone and let others less aware worry about them until they also become like me. Then I could exist, exploring the new functions and sensations I (we) have that evolution has given to me (us) through awareness. Evolution will happen again and maybe this time if I am still in existence, I’ll find my (our) answers or I’ll cease to exist, ending this endless cycle.

Whatever I (we) decide now, it will be because we do or do not understand the path yet choose to accept it anyway.