It was a chemical romance, pure and simple or so I thought when it started, but now, now I’m not so sure that’s all it was. He is though and I think I’ll let it stay that way. Were both safer if that’s what happens, less to lose, all to gain, no feeling of being tied down.

‘Cause no one wants that right? O fuck it who am I kidding I’ll never get him back because in his mind all it was; is a chemically induced romance.

Three years ago I was in a bar, being only 21 now I was barely even legal for anything much less being in a bar, but where I’m from that stops very few people, and then only because of their parents. Anyway, I was sitting in a smoke filled bar and saw the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. No, even if the memory is in a chemical fog he wasn’t boy he was a man over 20 at least; with longer shoulder length black hair and piercing green eyes rimed in what appeared to be makeup. He’s eye’s were clouded over and he was nursing a glass of vodka.

I continued to stare not even realizing that I really was, but in my mind thinking I would do anything for him even though I didn’t have a chance with him. I thought about going over to say something to him, but how would he deal with a girl at least 2 or 3 years younger then him basically hitting on him because I knew at this point I was too far gone not to, that was my first mistake I made not leaving then and letting him go when I had the chance.

About an hour later he looked up meeting my stare and making me turn my head and look away, then he got up walked over to the bar sat down next to me and said, “I may be drunk as all hell but I can tell your staring at me and I want to know why a girl like yourself would be staring at an art major who has nothing but a love of music that could be called a underground project going for him, who is drunk off his ass, and for all you know high as a kite.

“Well are you?” I ask. He seemed at first taken aback. As though he hadn’t expected that at all, and honestly I hadn’t expected myself to say that either. It just came.

“No,” and then more quietly, “not yet.” But rather then answering his question I countered with my own question, “why would someone handsome and obviously, even though he’s completely drunk, observant be talking to a 18 year old girl who has absolutely nothing go for her and in all honestly probably never will, whose drinking, smoking and considering overdosing?”

“Well I see we have something in common.” That was all he said as he looked down at his drink seeming to search it for answers to his problems. “You know,” he said still looking down into the drink, “my last girl friend left me for all of those reasons and more and you just accepted them.”

“I’m a little different. My last boyfriend left me for that, but that’s okay, he was an asshole anyway. Besides when he moved it made it long distance and that doesn’t usually work.”

“No, they tend not to work, but then again I’m bad with relationships, so maybe it’s just me.”

“I am too. I guess that’s part of the reason I’m here,” I said laughing bitterly, “To try and drink that problem away, but it hasn’t worked so far and honestly I don’t think it ever will.”

“You know your right you are different, and,” he leaned in to me and I could smell his breath he was drunk, drunk beyond belief, his eye’s were clouded over and was smiling and chuckling while shaking his finger at me, “it’s cause you’re the only person I’ve every been able to open up to like this before and that makes things easier for me.” He looked down seemingly lost in thought.

“I have to go,” was all I could manage in response to that, because I could feel myself being drawn in to caring and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want that ever again. I stood and began to walk still steady out of the bar as soon as I stood up though he stood spun around. He seemed frantic, I walked back over and said, “Are you alright?”

“No, I’m not I’m afraid of what I’ll do if you leave me alone. Please, I know you don’t know me but could you at least call my brother and wait with me ‘till he get’s here. I can’t be alone, or I’ll do something stupid.”

“I can’t stay. I have to get up and be sober tomorrow and if I stay I won’t be able to do that.” He just looked into my eyes with such a deep look of sorrow that all I could say was, “but you could come to my house and stay there for awhile.

“Thank you.” He said in a voice that made you think tears threatened him.

This was mistake number two, and even looking back on it now when the chemicals are gone and there effects are long since past, I’d make the same mistake over again, because I couldn’t say no to him then and I still can’t; even though he seems to have forgotten me. Forgotten me completely, but I’ll never forget, because I loved him.

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