She was all that I had left. A bittersweet snowflake that came into my life and melted away almost as quickly. She was all I had, the only possession of mine that meant anything at all in my quiet nonexistence. Then, one day, she walked out the door…and never came back.

She had no reason to stay anyway. My darkness would have only killed this single beautiful flower. I couldn’t continue to be selfish…to keep this beauty to myself. Sooner or later, it would have killed her to continue being with me. So maybe it was better that she left. Though maybe a sticky note would’ve helped, so I could at least know the reason.

Still…it was what she left behind that hurt the most. Not her physical possessions…she took ‘em all with her anyway. I mean…things like, the smell of her hair after a shower, with the lingering smell of flowers…the softness of the skin below her near-perfect breasts…the way she’d hold on to me on a cold and blistering night, as though her life depended on it…how she’d be staring at me while I cooked dinner, and look away whenever I’d catch her…how, no matter how quietly she’d enter a room, the apartment, anywhere, I always knew it was her…her presence was unmistakable, unbearable…it meant the world to me and yet, meant almost nothing at all.

I remember the day I gave her that ribbon for her hair. It didn’t go with her at all, and I remember laughing about it for quite a bit. She wasn’t too happy though, since I did have a habit of teasing her. Truth was, I gave it to her because I thought it matched her perfectly. You could say I’m a bit of a weird guy, but sometimes, the things that matched best, the things that always fit like yin and yang, were the things that were complete opposites. I always thought the ribbon looked beautiful on her. But I never saw her wear it more then once. I am a bit of a liar, but I was being honest this one time.

Yet…even though she had to leave for her own reasons…even though I can accept that she’s left…I wish she hadn’t. I am selfish…stubborn…too damn wrapped up in me some of the time…and she did deserve better things and a better life. But I wanted her to myself, only to myself. I wanted her to be only mine, to wake up in the mornings and see her peaceful face, to fall asleep with visions of her beauty dancing across my eyes. People worse then myself were allowed to be selfish…they were allowed to have what they wanted all to themselves.

Why couldn’t I then?

I just realized how much time has passed, what with me staring off at the wall. Even my cigarette’s gone out. What a shame too…

They say fate has a way of twisting and tangling in the lives of others. I was kind of hoping that she and I would continue twisting and tangling our way through life together. It’s not a lot of fun being lost and being tangled up…but it’s easier to get by when you’ve got someone with you to help you try.

Is there a point anymore?

Men…aren’t really supposed to cry though. I wonder if this blood streaking down my head counts. Better then nothing, I suppose.

At least…the long winter is finally over for me.