He Touched Me

The first day he stared.
The next day he conversed.
He asked me to his restaurant.
My excuses were just as bad as if I had said,
“I have to wash my hair.”
Not clear enough to him.

I succumbed to some virus and missed a day.
Upon my return was the beginning of a gruesome end
When he touched me…
Laid his hand between my shoulder blades.
I was numb.
I said nothing.
Did nothing to stop him.
I was just numb.

Anger, anxiety, violated
Among my many feelings
I was going to tell him,
Tell him to leave me alone.
She talked me out of it
“He’s harmless,” she said.
I was coerced to again say nothing.
Did nothing to stop him.
I was just numb.

My heart sank.
My anxiety grew with each day.
No food really appealed to me.
Sleep was only a memory.
He touched me again and again;
Each time, testing me to see how far I would let him go.
Each day--fear of his unwanted touch and his rancid breath
He violated my intimate space…
Touched my waist and face
Wrapped his arms around me
Ran his fingers through my hair
Each time, I was numb.
And yet, I said nothing…
Did nothing to stop him.
I was just numb.
Afraid
Alone
Angry—with myself

Until…
He threatened to find me.
“It’s okay if we don’t get together now,” he said.
“It won’t be that hard to find you.”
“He’s a stalker,” I thought.
“That’s it! That’s enough!”
“It has to stop!”
So, I told someone.
I became one of “those people.”
One of “those girls.”
I never wanted to be one of “those girls!”
I felt awful!
I felt like a hypocrite!
“What will everyone think?”
I was numb.
I said something.
Did something to stop him.
I was just numb.
Afraid
Alone
Angry

I was scared.
I’ve seen him overact.
Be belligerent to his co-workers.
“What if he comes after me?”
I said something.
Did something to stop him.
I was numb.
Afraid
Alone
Angry

The investigation began.
What does it matter that I reported him?
No one corroborated my story!
Now, my dignity was on trial.
“Does everyone think I lie?”
No matter.
Now, someone knows--
Because I said something.
Now, he’s left me alone--
Because I did something.
Now, I don’t have to fear being touched--
Because I did something.
I am still numb.
Afraid
Angry
Alone

I am hungry again,
But sleep is still a memory.
I am still one of “those girls” that reported without warning.
What a horrible person I’ve become!
I hear nothing but:
“Why didn’t you…?”
“You should have…”
“Why did you wait so long?”
It was hard enough!
Why are you making this harder for me?
Nonetheless…
At least I said something.
At least I did something to stop him.
I did something to protect other women.
I am still numb,
But I have learned and I will grow stronger.

2 March 2006