The Final Regression of Clement Jones the 3rd

It was by chance I don’ run inter her. She was real pretty. I figured I musta looked right silly in my old jacket cause she smiled nice at me like the rich folk do, y’know what one that they look down on yer, but they is just tryin’ to be nice anyways? That was how she was looking. But her skin was real light like, like a pretty little doll. Kinda like the one my little girl used ter have. And her hair was all straight and sparkly. I figured she musta put in that stuff that them little rich girls do, them fancy glitters.

She was saying she was sorry, but I kept tellin’ her I don’t mind it none, cause s’always nice ter run inter nice folks like herself. She said ter me she was in a hurry and she had ter get to a meetin’ a some kind. So I says to her have a fanciful day, and she goes off ‘th out ‘nother word.

That’s the thing bout small towns like this’en: when them rich folk come in they make a mess a things. I don’t much care for them types, but they don’t see just how much we like our lil’ towns all quiet like.

I knew she was goin’ to the new building that was home ter some fancy law office or somewhat, cause’n she was dressed all in a suit that was made fer men. But I was on’y in town just fer a while cause’n I was selling my crops ter the locals.

After bumping inter that little lady I started thinkin’ bout that new fangled office and then got ter fancy’n a look inside. See, they had started buildin’ it ‘round Christmas time and they done finished it ‘fore Easter. Course, I never done bothered to go see it, cause when ya live outside a town bout fi’ty miles and ya on’y got one truck, you don’ come inter town cause ya feels like it.

So anyways, I done walk over t’that new fangled office t’take a look inside. I suppose ya’ll might think it’s kinda nice inside, what with all the new floorin’ an the nice wood and such. But I didn’ much care for it. Looked to much like someone was tryin’ ter push their way a life on me, like them salesmen with their fancy knives used ter do. I didn’ much like it. Anyways, that young girl I don’ bumped inter earlier was workin’ at the desk. I guess I was starin’ at ‘er cause’n she started getting’ nervous an asked me if she could help. I told her naw, I don’ need no help, I was jest lookin’ ‘round. So I started chattin’ with ‘er bout the weather ‘n all but that was when a officer don’ come over and tol’ me that if I don’ have no business here I should be getting’ along. I already don’ told ya how I don’ like them rich folks what come from the big cities. They think us country folk ‘r rude and don’ know nothin’ from nothin’. ‘F ya ask me, nothin’ is nothin’, and somethin’ is somethin’; that’s them city folk tryin’ to swaggle us outta our money.

Now, maybe I don’ got crazy but I was right upset that that young man had thrown me out the buildin’ while I was talkin’ to that young girl. I have to say I was feelin’ a bit fancy for ‘er, but I wasn’t ‘bout to cheat on my dearly departed wife, God rest her soul. So’s I hung ‘round town fer a while, figurin’ could talk to some of the locals ‘n all.

Anyways, ‘round the evening time, little after what time I usually eat my suppa’, I was on the street again. See, it was gettin’ right dark, but not so dark as in the fields at night, cause’n in town they got them fancy lamps that line the sidewalks. I don’ think it’s dark, but I guess’n them city folk do.

So I’m walkin’ back ter my truck, when I see the pretty girl. I call’d out ter ‘er, I said, hey girl, I didn’ finish speakin’ ta ya in the office. But she got scared fer some reason, like I was goin’ ‘ttack ‘er. But I wa’nt no harm ter ‘er, I jest wan’ed to talk. She went runnin’ off an I kinda went lookin’ for ‘er a bit, but when i didn' find 'er i wen' on home.

It took me a while ter get home, but I was glad ter be there; city don’ make me all sour, like if’n I gave my cows some rotte’ apples then tried ter drink the milk. I don’ my regulars once I got in, then I sat down fer a while to read my picture book. I was real happy one day when I found it, cause’n the book store had it in the winda’. ‘S a real good book, has stories ‘bout Jesus and all his di-sie-pells.

I musta fallen asleep cause’n next thing I’m ‘round fer was a knock at my door. Now, I live by myself, cause’n my first wife died, and after that my lil’ girl didn’ last too much longer, ‘n I never had any sons. But anyways, I gots ter get the door fer myself. I seen it was a young officer from the city what come to pay me a visit.

He said to me, you Clement Jones? I said, not quite, I’m the third’un. Officer says, where was I last night at nine twenty seven in the pm. I told him, I don’ rightfully know what time it was, but I was sittin’ right in that chair where I woke up just now. He asked me, if I don’ live wit anyone, I told him naw sir, cause my wife and my lil’ girl both died. He thought fer a minute, then told me I was under arrest.

I kinder looked at ‘im funny, and said fer what? Was it ‘legal now to sleep in a chair? He said, naw, I was under arrest fer murderin’ a girl by name of Alicia DellaTempo. I said what kinder name is that? Was she a city girl? Cop said, yea she don’ come in from New York fer the job at the office. Said, they found her in the park in town all strangled and raped. I said, that must be a right pretty sight, but I didn’ do it, so they can take themselves off my property. Cop says, that’s no good, they have to take me inter town and put me on trial. An’ I never been in a court room in my life, I don’ know wat to ‘spect.

The whole thing was a mess, worse than when you kill a cow fer the first time and ya get the blood all over the place ‘n ya got the stink on yer fer a week. I didn’ know what ter make of the whole thing, it kinda left my head hurtin’ ever’ day. They talked ‘bout how I “stalked” this girl and then I killed ‘er. I told him I went home to read my book, but they didn’ believe me. I told ‘em I’d find ‘sactly where I was at in the book, they said it don’ matter. The lawyer who was accusing me never let up, he said I was crazy, and a hick, and I needed to be locked away from people so’s I wouldn’ hurt no one. The lawyer what was tryin’ ter help me didn’ do no good. I think it was his first time in the court too cause’n he kept fumblin’ with his papers and didn’ seem to even remember my name.

The other lawyer done said ter ever’one that I was “mo-lestin’” my daughter. I tol’ ‘im I don’ even know what that is sir, an’ I would appreciate it if’n he didn’t say bad thing’s ‘bout my lil’ girl. They said, that after my wife died I was doin’ horrible thing’s to my little girl. I tried to explain that we was jest tryin’ to start are family up again after we lost her mother, but they all thought I was evil and a bad person.

Finally, the jury, who was them folk who said I was “yoo-nanamus-lee” guilty, told the judge I should be hanged fer what I don’, but the judge seen it fit that I jest get an “in-jeck-shun”. I said, alright, I take it long as someone takes care of my farm while I’m away.

So here I am, writin’ out this lil’ story to tell ever’one that they don’ put the wrong guy inter jail. I have ter say, it has been a right nice lil’ stay; the food was real good, and the bed’s were soft. But tommorah, I get my “in-jeck-shun” and I head home. I guess’n it don’ matter much. They musta seen I wasn’ the right guy, cause’n I didn’ stay in jail for what more than a week. I guess I jest better get ready to get back ter work on the farm.