The Pain of Being Alone
by duhkachild

You couldn’t see it in the darkness, but she was crying. If you listened you could hear her quiet, almost silent sobs coming from the inky corner of the room. A dim light shone through the cracked and dusty window, illuminating her crystal tears. Her hands curled painfully around her delicate legs as she shook with waves of pain, like the ebb and flow of the ocean. She wanted to stop, but she couldn’t feel anything anymore. No happiness, no sadness, nothing. Only emptiness. That was the worst feeling of all. It swallowed her and engulfed her.

Slowly, she looked down at her hand. Her cracked and bleeding fingers clenched themselves tightly around a narrow object. The sleek silver blade glistened dully in the room. She brought it up to her face to peer at its sharp jagged edge, as if it was a trophy worthy of her gaze. In the thin sliver of metal she could see her pale green eyes reflected back at her. Glaring angrily at the knife, she brought its edge against her flesh. She felt nothing as the blade pierced her skin. All she saw was the blood. Ruby red, shining there before her eyes. It was a mesmerizing sight. Her eyes widened and she let the sharp salty scent fill her nostrils as she sighed with perverse pleasure.

The world slid away from its place, the sounds of angry relatives outside, the swish of the trees in the angry breeze, as if she were leaving it behind. Finally, she felt like a real person. Taking solace in her moment alone, she drunkenly lashed the now stained knife across her arm, making intricate patterns against her pale white skin. She smiled at the beauty of the intricate wounds before she sucked the blood away with her mouth. The salty taste tickled her tongue and she slowly let the taste fade away before leaning down to clean off her arm once again. She would have scars now, she realized giddily. Pretty, she thought. Like a tattoo of flesh and blood.

Wrapping a once white towel around her radiant arm she finally allowed her eyelids to flutter. Laying her head down on the hard wood floor, her marked arm hugged up against her, she let the silence swallow her. It caressed her sweetly, bathing her in its warm light. She smiled slightly in her half-awake state and gave in to the quiet peace surrounding her. No, she wasn’t alone anymore.