Recognize this story? Thought you would... I'm reposting... except this time I'll finish it. Promise.

Killing Me

By: Jessica Brandon

Chapter One

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I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I stood perfectly still and held it in. I could feel my heart beat slowing, and the wooden boards beneath me moving up and down with every swell of the ocean. I let the air I had held prisoner in my chest out slowly and opened my eyes again. My world could have started with that breath of air and I wouldn’t have argued. I was suddenly aware, as if waking from a long dream. I could feel the turning of the world, and I began to wonder: Why?

My name is Benjamin, and this is my story. You may not believe what I’ve written here. You may dismiss it as a tale, but everything I’ve recorded on these pages is true, and it has affected the way I treat life forever. On that morning, I had woken up before anyone else who slept below deck.

There were many other ships in the waters around us. We all sailed together. Some ships were already anchored. I could see the people of the continent running on the land. They were making ready for the battle they knew would come when we rowed in to shore.

But still I wondered, why? Why was I standing there?

The water rocked the boat forward and I felt my body lurch with it. The water was calming, and I closed my eyes again. I’d spent my whole life in the water. Every memory I had to that point was of water, of being wet and swimming. It was more natural to me than breathing, this constant feeling of swimming.

A hand clamped down on my shoulder. I jumped, and then turned to see Adam. His face was the only friendly one I could remember from the rest of the crew. I knew he was my friend, but only on a superficial level.

“It’s wonderful is it not?” He spoke softly. His face was pink from the sun’s early morning light. His green eyes were nearly the same colour as the lush forests ahead of us and his straw-coloured hair whipped wildly around his face in the breeze.

I nodded, saying nothing. It was wonderful, wonderful and frightening. We stood together on the bow of the ship, watching the land come nearer. A few others come on deck and watched with us but everyone stayed silent. Many more of our warriors were below decks, dressing and preparing to attack. I did not know what to feel. Part of me was excited to finally go home and set our land free, yet there was a touch of fear in my soul. Reasons to not fight haunted the back of my mind. I had never seen the homeland before. My father had not either. We had not seen home in three generations. The island to which our families were exiled was happy and peaceful. My mother and sister were still there and who would look after them if I were to die there? My father and I were their only kinsmen. Mother was a native to the island and that was not widely accepted by the others.

We had set out from the island four months ago. We were seven thousand people strong on that island. The eight ships we sailed with carried only half our numbers. The others would come when we had won to reclaim the island, or to act as reinforcements if we needed them, which was doubtful. My father was the leader of my sect. If he had not been the leader I would not even be part of a sect, I had only seen fourteen summers. I should not have been a soldier but my father would hear none of it. I was to become a knight and one day take his place as leader.

Adam’s story was much different from my own. His family had died in the plague five years ago. He was at least seventeen years old, although no one knows his real birth date. Adam worked hard for everything he ever received; including his acceptance into the sect. I did not know Adam then of course. I had only met him on the first day of our voyage.

“We’re almost there Benjamin,” he elbowed my side. I snapped out of my stupor and glanced back at Him. His mouth turned upwards as he smiled encouragingly because he knew I was worried. I had never seen a battle before in my life. Adam and my father had more confidence in me than I felt I really deserved. I wasn’t capable of much.

“Sir?” I turned around fully and met my father’s servant behind us. He bowed deeply, “Your father would see you now sir.”

I nodded and waved my hand to dismiss him. He made his way back through the crowd that had gathered to watch our approach to land. I turned to take one last look. Then I closed my eyes and breathed in again, reliving that life altering breath from moments ago, before bidding Adam farewell and returning to my father’s cabin.

The stairs made me nervous. They had no guard rails; they were planks of wood nailed to the wall. The way they groaned under my feet always made me feel like they would snap out of the wall at any moment and send me tumbling below deck. When I reached my father’s room I went straight in without knocking. I did not see the servant standing behind the door and I opened it so fast he had no chance to dodge it. I walked in mumbling an apology as he left rubbing his forehead. My father didn’t seem to notice the injury I had inflicted upon his servant as he came forward to embrace me.

“Benjamin!” He held me out at arm’s length and studied my face. I didn’t smile and stared right back at him. He offered a seat beside his own and I sat.

“We will battle today my son,” his voice was grave. I nodded and pursed my lips. What did he patronize me like that? I knew we were to battle. I wasn’t dense or stupid.

“I am ready,” I assured him. Although I had never seen battle my father believed I would fare well. I resented that. I wanted to make my own decisions. I wanted to be free of the damp chill that crept into my bones every time he was near.

“Good, good,” he smiled again. Then after a glance out the porthole of his cabin he exclaimed, “You had better make ready! Land draws closer; I will wish you luck today.”

I stayed silent and left the room on rigid legs. I walked straight to my quarters and waited as the servants dressed me in heavy chain mail and a leather tunic. I fastened my own sword to my side. Father had paid an insane amount of gold for it. The craftsman wasn’t an honest man, but my father wouldn’t listen to me. Finally I put my helmet on my head and stood before a mirror. I looked so much like a warrior that it sent a chill down my spine. A small part of my being, still shrouded and held still by my will to meet other’s expectations, was disturbed by the sight of the killer which I would become. It began to churn slightly, twisting my stomach and bending my thoughts. I would become a killer. I will kill.

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Final Thought By Adam:

"I like trees..."

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