A.N. And now chapter two. YAY! This is actually a pretty short story and I should probably make it one chapter or something. Or at least call them parts. I would do that, but I’m just too lazy and I think they should be separated. It just seems better that way. I would like to thank a reviewer but since doesn’t want us to send shout outs anymore, I’ll use a loophole. To the reviewer, you know who you are, by asking me to continue soon (because no one else does, and I have to agree) you have made me want to update today, rather than some other time I would have wanted to get around to it. Thank you, it got a lot off my chest. And now, before this A.N. gets longer then the story, I’ll let you get on with chapter two. I hope you enjoy.

Of Jealousy and of Love

Chapter Two

We pulled up to my house and got out of the car, followed by Tess and Valerie. I looked over at Clyde, who was staring intently at the house across the street. I got the feeling he didn’t really see what he was staring at.

“Where do you want to talk?” I asked.

He looked at me and then back at my friends, walking toward us, “Somewhere they won’t be.” I understood, this was going to be a private conversation. Even if my friends were to find out about it, this wasn’t the time.

I put on a smile for my two friends walking across the lawn to my front door. I pulled out my house key and let them into the house. “You guys can stay in here and do what you want. Watch TV, play DDR, do homework, eat, I don’t care, I’ll be back in a few minutes,” I told them while I was pulling Clyde back outside. I would have talked with him in my room, but only I know how to navigate through that mess.

I sat down at the end of the entryway and looked back over the street. Tess suddenly burst through the door and ran to her car, “Wait, don’t start talking yet! I need to get this.” She pulled out her car keys and fumbled with them a bit before she was finally able to open the door. Clyde and I watched her search through her car a little impatiently. But we would wait after all she was trying to go fast. After finding whatever it was she was looking for, Tess slammed her car door shut and ran back into the house. “Sorry,” she said, passing us and then the door closed.

I felt Clyde stand behind me, but didn’t turn to face him. I waited until he finally sat down next to me. We sat in silence, neither one of us wanting to be the first to speak, until I couldn’t stand it any more. I gave out a short laugh, “Never thought I’d spit it out like that.”

I chanced a glance over to him and saw him give a little grin as he bit his lip. “I wanted you to spit it out,” he said looking down then glancing over to me. I waited for him to continue, “To be honest, I knew you liked me when we first met.”

I did laugh at that, “I’m glad you’re not blind. I didn’t try to hide it.” I turned to face him and put my back against the brick wall behind me. Clyde followed my lead, but didn’t make eye contact with me.

“Remember when I told you about that girl I dated for six years?” he asked. I nodded. He had told me about it just a couple of nights ago. Actually, he told all of us involved with the movie; Gabby Tess, Valerie, and me. Although I did have the impression most of it was directed toward me.

The relationship he had with the girl that he had dated for six years ended when he found out that she had been cheating on him for only she knew how long. He had told me that the breakup was hard. And that he’d had trouble liking girls since. As I had never had the relationship of boyfriend and girlfriend before, I still don’t quite understand how this could be. But, as I do with all things I just don’t understand, I accepted what he told me.

I nodded my head to his question. He sighed and continued, “Ever since that happened to me, I had never been able to stay with a girl in that way.” Again, starting to understand, I nodded my head for him to continue. “My family also moved around a lot and I started to find it difficult to make friends. When I came here, I didn’t expect much else.” He finally looked at me and I saw that his eyes were red and shiny with unshed tears. I sniffed before I realized that I had been crying enough for my tears to slide off my face and make wet marks on my shirt. God, when had I become such a cry baby?

“I know you must have had troubles in your life as well. I’m not going to sit here and act as though I’m the only one with problems,” he continued, watching me now for a reaction. I shook my head slowly, gave out a huff of a laugh and smiled what I guess could have been described as a sad smile. I wouldn’t know though. I didn’t see it. But it was sad, I had the easiest life I had ever heard of. One of my friends, her parents divorced, had a mother that was bipolar, and a father that was probably too strict for his own good. Gabby had parents that always changed their minds about punishment, and she being the middle child of five, got blamed for everything. Tess had extremely scary fights with her two sisters, I swear I would see bloodshed from one, one of these days. Valerie had parents that didn’t care what she did, just as long as she went to church every Sunday. Neglect.

Even each member of my own family had their fair share of problems. Me? The biggest problem I had was lack of a boyfriend and good grades.

Clyde continued on with his narrative, “All the friends I’ve had, had stabbed me in the back, one way or another. All of them.” A single tear slipped down his cheek and he hurriedly swept it away. My whole face was soaked with mine.

“You have been the only person that hasn’t done that to me. My first true friend that’s been there for me. I don’t want to ruin that.” He sighed and met my eyes again, “I truly care for you. I would do anything for you.”

I looked down into my lap as more tears escaped my eyes, and sniffed. Great, now I had a snotty nose. What I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me everything was going to work out for the better. I was tempted to ask him but I knew that was overstepping the boundaries we both had set up, and I was a person who respected boundaries.

“You probably don’t want to hear this,” no, I probably didn’t, “but I do like Gabby. Before we started this movie, we had never really spoken before,” great, I was the one to bring them together, “but I realize now that I do like her, a lot.”

“God I feel so many things right now,” I interrupted and rolled my eyes at what it was I was feeling.

“What?” he asked. Obviously, he and I respect the same thing. Brutal honesty.

I shook my head, an act like shaking a feather duster free of the dirt so it can do its job better. “So many things. I still feel jealous. I feel extreme sadness that you don’t return my feelings for you and a sense of extensive relief, although I’m not sure why.”

He gave me a look I couldn’t read and shrugged his shoulders. Just then my mom pulled into the driveway. Since I was using her car for my filming, she had had a friend drive her home. Clyde and I got up and went inside. I dried my face with my shirt and put on what was most likely the most false smile I’d ever shown and walked into the living room to find Tess and Valerie doing Trigonometry. I headed straight for the kitchen and drank about two cups worth of pink lemonade. I gave myself the distinct impression of someone drowning away their sorrows with whisky.

After that we had fun and Clyde and I acted as though nothing bad had happened. As though things were the way they were before. I knew they wouldn’t be though. I wouldn’t be able to wrap my arms around his anymore with playful flirtation. I wouldn’t be able to use his lap as a pillow anymore while we sat upstairs at school, waiting for the bell to ring. Things would never be the same. He liked Gabby, not me.

A few days later the phone rang and Gabby was on the other side.

“Hey what’s up?” she asked.

“Nothing, just playing around on the computer,” I said. I like playing Spider Solitaire and looking up fanfiction. It’s my favorite past time.

“I, uh, have a question,” Gabby said. I knew right away what it was.

“What do you want to ask?”

“Do you mind if I, um.” She couldn’t say it. But she was my friend and I loved her like a sister, so I would allow it. After all, not to allow it would only hurt our friendship.

“Do I mind if you go out with Clyde?”

“You read my mind,” she laughed nervously. Afraid that I would say ‘yes, I do mind,’ after all I liked him first.

And even though I did mind. Even though I hated the thought, I bit back my tears and did the best to make my voice sound happy, “Of course not, you two would make a cute couple.”

After all, who was I to deny my friend a happiness I couldn’t have either way?

And after all, I loved Clyde. I loved him so deeply, it felt like a dagger twisting in my heart to know that I couldn’t have him. That I could never have him. Why should I deny him a chance at happiness he deserved.

I just hoped I was strong enough to face what I would start to see happen at school.

A.N. Like it, hate it, indifferent. Tell me what you think. You can use that little button that says go at the corner of the screen. Thank you and with lots of love, good bye.