Confessions of a Psychopath

S: A psychopath is described as predators who use charm, manipulation, intimidation, and violence to control others and to take what they want and do as they please . . .which is pretty much how superstar Liz Ferris got on top. Psychopath Liz recounts every horrible deed she did to get on top.

I know what you’re thinking, why am I here instead of in my Entertainment Tonight interview? But honestly, I don’t think I could go on and do another interview and lie to all my fans about being a ‘good person’ and doing the ‘right thing’ because That’s not who I am. I am a bitch, the biggest bitch you could ever meet. The girl that would willingly steal candy from a child if meant that I could be on top for five more minutes. But not too many people know this . . . that is why I’m confessing. Oh, why don’t I just apologize? Honestly who do you think I am? I have too much pride to apologize, confessing is as far as I’m going to go, and I don’t want to ruin my career.

Where do I start? Well . . . it was the third grade talent contest and I wanted to WIN. My competition was Laura Haight she could dance up a storm and I at the time was just a singer. There was no way I could go up against her, you know? So I did what any girl who wanted to win would do . . .I stole the teacher’s expensive pen and put it in Laura’s backpack. So when the teacher went searching for her pen and threatened to cancel the contest I suggest that she look in everyone’s bags. Low and behold the teacher looked in Laura’s bag and found the pen. Laura, my darling Laura, was sent to the planning centre and kicked out of the contest. I won that year and everyone loved me. It was petty at the time but I had to win, nothing felt better than winning. As a mater of fact the guilt that I had felt over getting Laura in trouble soon faded away because it’s not like it had anything to do with me.

Hmm? You’re not asking the right question. Don’t ask me, if I felt bad about it because at the time I didn’t and if I never felt bad about then why would I be confessing? Seriously, you’re not paying attention.

Anyways Laura had always been a good kid, and I guess she deserved to win but I won and that meant something. It meant that she inevitably wouldn’t have won anyways. Anyhow Laura Haight came back to class the next day and apologized to the teacher for doing her wrong. I went up to Laura and tapped her shoulder, “I know you didn’t steal that pen.” I said.

Laura looked at me teary eyed, “you do?”

“Of course I do,” I said, “I mean you’re Laura Haight you could never do anything wrong. I just think it’s so terrible that Mary Beth would do such a thing.”

“Mary Beth?”

I faked a gasp, “oh forget I mentioned anything.”

“No tell me,” Laura said, “did Mary Beth do this?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know,” I skipped away and went to grab some scissors.

I didn’t like Laura, I decided. The fact that I won because she was out of the contest meant that she could try out again. I didn’t want to have to steal every single time she tried out for the contest so what better thing to do then inadvertently making her life a living hell forcing her to leave the school?

By convincing Laura that Mary Beth had planted the pen in her bag, Laura would turn Mary Beth, The most popular girl in our third grade class, against her. I was pretty sure that would happen because Mary Beth was so sensitive that the second someone accused her of something she would cry and all her friends got defensive.

As I expected Laura accused Mary Beth of planting the pen. Within days Laura was alone with no one to talk to. After a few days of listening to Laura cry in the bathroom stall I walked up to her, “kids can be so cruel,” I said softly, “why don’t you just switch schools? I think it would be easier on everybody.”

“This is your fault!” Laura cried.

I fake gasped, “you can’t honestly blame me, Laura. You accused Mary Beth, you did.”

“But you told me she did it!”

“No I didn’t, I said I didn’t know.”

Laura looked at me appalled, “You did this!”

I started to tear up, “oh my god, what’s wrong with you!? Why are you blaming everyone for every little thing you do wrong?” I turned to run away.

“WAIT!”

I stopped, “yes Laura?”

“I’m sorry . . .”

“Maybe you should just switch schools, no one wants someone like you here anyways.”

Three days later Laura Haight switched schools.

See how horrible a person I am! And that’s just the beginning! What? You don’t believe me? As if, a third grader can’t act that conniving, you just don’t know how conniving I am! That was just the start of how horrible, manipulative and just plain mean I am! What? Fine, get yourself a drink and I’ll tell you all about Allison Short from elementary.