Angie Simpson

Excuse me; I am trying to tell you something! Do you know how rude you are being right now? Anyways Allison And I go way back. Hmm? Love? I never loved anyone, anyways as I was saying . . .Allison and I—Why do you keep insisting on hearing about my first love? I didn’t even love him! We were together because… well because I needed to exact revenge. It was high school, you know how things are, you are defined by your accomplishments . . .and lack there of. Fine, I’ll tell you but I’ll keep it to a minimum.

By this time I had big plans for school domination. It sounds so blasé because there is no such thing as school domination. However, there is being at the tip of everyone’s tongue. I spent the entire summer before high school auditioning for whatever commercial I could. I was in a toothpaste ad, cereal ad, coffee ad, and was even miss fresh face. I volunteered helping as many organisations as possible just for the sheer joy that someone would know and praise me.

I wanted to be the new Hilary Duff but better, I wanted to be on everything. When school rolled around I was busy, very busy. I was a freshman so I couldn’t be the leader of much but I could be the star. I joined Volley Ball, Jazz choir, Basketball, Soccer, the Track team, the student council, the Dance committee and Peer helper. I spent my entire days studying to be on the A honour roll and being a good student that I was left drained on the weekends.

I know, makes you wonder why I forced myself to look like a square with no life in high school but that didn’t mater to me. I didn’t have a single friend but I was fine with that. By second semester I had established my rightful place as most talked about. Everyone always asked me for help and always talked about how perfect I was, after all, that was what I wanted.

One day I walked by some girls who I overheard talking about me in the lunch line. I shivered with pleasure that I was being talked about.

“You know why she doesn’t have a boyfriend don’t you?” one of them said. This caught my attention. I was prepared for bad gossip, I mean, it’s only expected. But boyfriend gossip I wasn’t prepared for. I made sure nobody knew a thing about me except my success.

I continued listening in, “Because she’s an anal bitch.”

I was slightly taken aback, anal bitch? I looked at the girls who were talking about me, one was Angie Simpson and the other was Elaine Bucket. I shuffled away from them as quickly as I could. I went to the coke machine and grabbed myself a coke as I started to formulate a devious plan.

Angie was a popular sophomore and she was dating the senior Lacrosse team captain Lance Jones. They had been dating for a while, so I’ve heard. I headed towards the Gym hallway of my school where the lacrosse team usually hung out. What I was about to do I had never done before, but I was sure I could pull it off. I was going to steal Angie’s boyfriend.

I walked past the boys. “Hey boys,” I said sweetly and stood next to the single guys who fawned over me.

Before long I was accepted into the pack without question, after all I was a ‘jock’ so it wasn’t awkward that I was hanging out with them. We’d go out for pizza all the time and just plain hang out whenever I had the chance. Lucky me, Volleyball was over.

“You know, before we got to know you, every said you had a broom up your ass,” one of the boys said to me.

“I know! Don’t you think that’s weird?” I commented.

Some of the boys got crushes on my but I persevered; I knew what I needed to do to get my revenge. I could either cheat with Lance or I could trick him into dumping Angie. I figured him cheating on her with me wouldn’t be as dangerous on my part and it would be scandalous enough to tarnish my goodie two shoe name.

So when the night, the one that Lance cheated on Angie with me on, came, Angie never found out the next day. Or the next day. As a matter of fact, we had been going at it (making out not sex, I’m a home wrecker not a skank) for at least two months before I finally said to him, “it’s either me or Angie.”

I was surprised that he picked me and dumped her. It kind of sucked that my image wasn’t slightly tarnished by alleged infidelity like I had hoped, but I was a freshman I still had a lot more to do.

Angie cried for a long time so I heard. My favourite part about it all was when she was watching Lance and I kiss in the hall one day and I told him, “and people said I wouldn’t get a boyfriend because I’m an anal bitch.” Then glanced slowly at Angie who gasped in terror.

See I told you that was boring! Now a more interesting story, Alison Short. . .