Sunday, January 1st, 2006

10:43 PM

I had to make dinner for myself again. Mom still hasn’t come home from work, so she’s probably out drinking with her sister, Jean. I don’t really like either of them. I know that’s not a very nice thing for a fifteen year old girl to say about her mother and aunt, but it’s true. Neither of them are ever there for me and I’m really sick of it.

My twin brother, Andrew started griping about the pizza that he ordered was to cold, yet he and Chase still ate it. Imagine that. Amber was talking on the phone while I cooked the dinner. When I announced that our baked potatoes were done, she got off super fast. She has a fetish for potatoes. Odd how the different genders in our family always stick together.

I heard Mom just walk in, but I’m kind of scared to go down. I know Chase really wants to see her, but I can’t really see why. She never pays any attention to him, whether she’s drunk or not. Maybe because he’s only four. He’s super adorable with curly, blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

I just heard Mom called Amber a slut. Apparently for no reason. Kind of rude, huh? Well, that’s why I’m not down there. Mom seems to like to fight with me the most, and I really don’t know why. We’ve never gotten along.

Mom was sixteen when she had Andrew and me. Then she turned eighteen and had Amber with a Japanese guy she met at an Anime convention. She doesn’t even like Anime. Aunt Jean dragged her down there so they could laugh at all the nerds. Well, my mom got pregnant by one of the “nerds”. When Mom was twenty-six, she had Chase with a guy she met online. Unsurprisingly, they’re not even together anymore.

Amber has pure black hair and black eyes. She’s so beautiful. She’s got her father’s almond shaped eyes, her father’s nose, and mouth. She doesn’t even look like my mother. The only thing Amber inherited from her was her middle name, which is Louise.

Andrew looks exactly like our father with his sandy brown hair and sparking green eyes and high cheekbones. Of course, I look like my mother with brown eyes, white-blonde hair, and dimples. I hated my hair so much that I dyed it cherry red. I love it with a passion.

Later…

I stopped writing because Amber came into my room, crying, yelling about how Mom was shoving her around and slapping her. Andrew defended her after he got Chase out of the way. Why Chase was even awake was beyond me.

“I want out!” Amber sobbed at me. I felt so bad for her, and her room is right next to Mom’s, and I know she’s scared to go to sleep, so she’ll be sleeping with me in my room tonight. She’s in the bathroom right now, getting changed into her pajamas. She told me that she wants to move in with her father, who lives in Tokyo, Japan. The one good thing about her dad was that he was actually a father to her. Mine was, too, actually, and he lived in Yuba City, California.

Here comes Amber.

Monday, January 9, 2006

5:34 PM

The first day back to school from Christmas is always a nightmare, isn’t it? Well, today was horror. First of all, Amber showed up at school with a big, purple bruise on her cheek. She told everybody that she’d run into a flag pole, but no one believed her. The only reason Amber and I went to school together was because she started school early when she was four, just like me, Andrew, and now Chase. So she was thirteen in the ninth grade, and I’m fifteen in the eleventh grade. I guess our mom wanted to get rid of us as soon as possible.

Then, during first period, my World History teacher, Miss Beckham caught me chewing gum and made me stay in during passing, so I was late to second period, meaning that my Concert Choir teacher was all pissed at me and made me stay during break to work on hitting the high Soprano notes just right. I was using the bathroom before third, so I was late to that, too, so my Algebra II teacher made me clean up the classroom after class. During lunch, I slipped on someone’s spilled lunch and got spaghetti all over the seat of my pants, not to mention, also losing my lunch in the process. And during Biology, I found out I failed a test and Mrs. Gill made me stay two hours after school to study for the next test.

And then, when I got home, Mom’s not even there to pick up Chase from Kindergarten, so of course, I had to do it. Chase was all whining that we forgot him, and his teacher gave me a big lecture on responsibility.

Nothing’s really happened since the 1st of the month, except that Mom beating on Amber has gotten worse, and I really think that Amber is close to running away.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

11:43 PM

I was right. Amber ran away yesterday. Mom, actually not drunk for once, went on a frantic search for her and started bawling when we found her under an overpass in Salt Lake City. Mom had locked her arms around Amber, apologizing over and over, still crying. She kept saying how much she loved all of us and that she never meant anything. Amber pushed our mom off her and stormed away.

It all started on the tenth when Mom and Aunt Jean came home drunk again and started beating up on Amber. Well, Mom did, Aunt Jean watched. But the last straw was yesterday when Mom came home and started pushing Amber around, and then called her a “filthy half-breed”. That did it. Amber screamed that she was going to a friend’s house and left.

Today, Mom called all of Amber’s friends after her hang over passed. When all of them said that they hadn’t seen her, Mom started searching everywhere, and she got the police involved as well. When the cops asked Amber why she ran away, Mom gave her this fearful look from over the cop’s shoulder. Amber just shrugged.

I don’t know why I keep forgetting to write in this stupid diary. I guess nothing exciting really happens that’s really worth writing about. Chase is having a lot of difficulty in school because he’s so young, and Andrew is always getting into fights. Me? I’m just here, trying to avoid my mother as much as possible.

My grades are alright, but they’re slipping a bit because my mind is always on Amber and how she’s doing. She’s been calling her father a lot more now. I can hear her talking to him in Japanese on the phone. A lot of times, she’ll be crying. What if my mom beats Amber to death? And why does she only beat up Amber? She never does anything to Chase or Andrew. She yells at me a lot, and she’s slapped me a few times, but she’s never given me a black eye or anything.

Thursday, January, 19, 2006

4:23 PM

I just got off a short phone call with my father. He wanted to know if I was going to visit him this summer. I told him I didn’t know. He didn’t even ask about Andrew. And he uses my name too much. It’s always “Annie this, and Annie that.” Let me tell you, it gets annoying every once and a while.

I found out that I got a B on a Biology test, which isn’t too bad, but I could do better. I guess I was spacing out when my teacher was writing down the notes that we were supposed to copy.

I also found out that Andrew got into another fight with the quarterback of the school football team. Andrew’s not weak, but he’s not exactly the most muscular guy, either. He got beat to a pulp. Mom’s not home yet, so I’m hoping that she won’t be drunk so she can help Andrew with his black eye and cut lip.

I really should be doing my English homework, but I’m not. Who cares about doing a book report on Julius Ceaser, anyway? Hear the crickets? My thoughts exactly.

Amber seemed to be in good spirits when we got home. She ran around, cleaning the entire house, and then she helped Chase with his homework. Now she’s out with her friends. I’m almost positive that she was doing her chores so that she could get out of the house and not be home when Mom arrives.

Despite her evil-like qualities, Mom is very pretty. She’s got this soft, brown hair and brown eyes, and great skin, and a lovely smile. I remember how she used to be happy when it was just Andrew, Amber, and me. But after Amber’s father left her, she became unhappy and mad at the world, and that’s when she started hitting Amber. Maybe Mom blames her for the breakup. I know Mom really, really cared about Amber’s father.

I don’t normally talk to my mother. We’ve never had a heart-to-heart talk about puberty, sex, or anything like that. She’s never talked to me about boys, and she just doesn’t talk to me. I know she doesn’t like me, but does she love me even a little bit? And does she love Andrew? Amber? Or little Chase? It’s impossible not to love Chase, and I always thought Amber could charm her way into anybody’s life. And Andrew, he’s got such an infectious smile and laugh that it’s really impossible not to like him. But what about me? Am I really that unlikable?