A/N: Well be damned. I got a review. Enjoy.

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Part 2: Chronicles of Hopes and Dreams

Perhaps suicide is not my only option. If I wish to do something about this newfound love, I may have to stick it out with this whole “life” concept, nonsense though it may be. I probably feel better because it was a good Jacob day. He was nice and tried to help me learn how to draw better skulls. I appreciate his effort, but I’m truly a hopeless case.

I fervently wish he would figure out my love for him on his own and spare me from having to tell him. I do love him, and whatever makes him happy is fine. If he decides that being with another girl is for him, fine. I won’t hate the other girl. It’s his choice. If you love something, let it go, says the proverb. I’m prepared to do just that.

Days Later

D’you know why I’m so 60s inclined? The motto of the sixties was “Peace Love Dope”, three things I readily believe in. I don’t know why I believe in “Dope”, I’ve never gotten high before. Tailor promised me that she’d watch me take my first hit, but she moved to the inner city now, so… yeah. I miss her. Plus she has my lucky chain.

I had a semi-okay Jacob day today. We made eye contact, I waved, and he wasn’t a jerk. Ok on the whole. I mean, skulls are fine and stuff, but I much prefer peace signs. Wow, that was so cryptic that even I don’t know what it means. Anyway, I’ve written down two of my daydreams involving him, go Lisa. I feel so odd writing the kissing scenes. Kissing him would be indescribable bliss, but I do my best. It still seems so inadequate!

I try to go on like I never knew you,

I’m awake but my world is half asleep,

I pray for this heart to be unbroken,

But without you all I’m going to be is

INCOMPLETE

Backstreet Boys cure what ails me, but Sssh! don’t tell anyone!

Later Days

How was my Jacob day on a scale of 1 to 10? A solid 7, at a very small margin of wishing-will-make-it-so-type error I might add. What of me, you ask? I spoke to him, told him to kick Kyle’s ass, and called him an idiot. Ok, not a smart move, but Kyle was calling him a chicken white boy and Jacob said that Kyle was insulting all the white boys on the bus. So he start pointing to people like Snappy, Tim, Daniel, and then he points to me and I’m like, “I’m a girl, you idiot!” Like if he needed reminding, which he ought not to. “That don’t make a damn bit of difference, you’re still white, ain’t you?” He went back to arm-wrestling Kyle and I clammed up like a mollusk at a seafood festival. Right, good, super, Lisa, the one time he talks directly to you all week and you panic and call him an idiot. Smooth like sandpaper, Leone.

Do you know what’s messed up? I can never be mean to someone when they’re sick or tired. Especially if they’re at school and they’re sick or hurt or wiped out. I mean, I just can’t do it! On the day Kyle got busted for having liquor on the bus, I was going to rat Jacob out too even though I didn’t like him at the time, but he looked so tired! Like he hadn’t slept for a week and the last thing he needed that day was trouble, poor guy. I usually end up being really nice to people, like a few days ago that Class-A pest Jon looked so totally wiped out that I couldn’t be mean to him for the whole day. It sucked. I just couldn’t do it! I’m way too overly nice, that’s my problem. I try to be nice to everyone. Did I mention how adorable Jacob looks with his sunglasses on?

Days Like Years

God, I made Eye Contact with him today. Not eye contact, Eye Contact. I got a full shot of those hazel-green-browns. I can’t tell what they are; it all depends on the lighting and his mood. If he’s hyper, excited, or happy, they turn green; when he’s normal, calm, relaxed, cool, or sleepy, they’re hazel; when he’s pensive, pissed off, listening to angry music, or brooding, they’re brown. Then he turned and laid his head on the bus seat in front to me just right, and I wanted to badly to play with that mess of glossy black curls. God he has such an effect on me.

I know I’m a hopeless case now. I got reminded by Crissy that we have Monday off for Memorial Day Weekend, and my first thought was, “I have to wait an extra day to see Jacob?” So I’m totally hapless, helpless, and hopeless. I noticed that I only refer to him as Jacob in my mind. I call him Tucker in real life, just like everyone else. I would call him Jacob if he was my boyfriend, but he’s not, so it’s Tucker for now. My friend Sammy refers to him as Tuck-Tuck. Now that’s funny.

- Lisa Leone