Empty

She sits there her back against the wall
Her knees drawn into her chest
Her arms wrapped tightly around her legs
All the while her head rhythmically beats
Against the plastered wall behind her
She wished the tears would stop
She wished that it would all go away
Her eyes look to the blade on her floor
Bloody from her last attack on herself
She wanted to stop it
She wanted to stop the hatred
She wanted to stop hating herself
In her dreams she lived a normal life
In her dreams she knew happiness
People had countlessly told her
"It is normal for a teenager
"To feel unattractive
"To be taking anti-depressants."
Her counter attacks were usually this:
"Is it normal for a teenager
"To not know anything for herself
"But a hatred?
"Is it normal for a teenager
"To have been in counselling for twelve
"Of her sisteen years of life?
"Is it normal for a teenager
"To have her Mother consider
"Placing her on anti-depressants
"When she was younger?
"Is it normal for a teenager
"To take so much pleasure in the pain
"That they love to inflict on themselves?
"Tell me, is that normal?"
She always answered these questions herself
No it wasn't normal
She wasn't normal, she was mental
She should be in a padded cell
Not here in a room with all of her personal things
Still her head bangs, over and over
Like the band that snapped daily
At her left wrist leaving it bruised and sore
He was back, that horrible voice
Telling her she was ugly, fat, worthless, a burden
And she believed him, how could she not?
College was no better then High School
She wanted to die, now more than ever
She waited everyday for the fated perscription to arrive
Her first round of pills to keep her moods down
To stop her crying herself to sleep every night
Her long, sharp nails dug into her flesh on her arms
As she let the sobs suface and escape her mouth
She had never had a boyfriend, never kissed a guy
She felt ugly, fat, worthless, a burden
Her tears stopped flowing as she picked up the blade
Dug it into the flesh of her leg and pulled it across
She was so tired of everything, so tired
Bleeding, the tears drying on her face
She lay down on the floor and shut her eyes
She was so tired, tired of everything
She will sleep here now
And wake up the next day as she always did
Crying, dead, empty, loveless
She did like someone, but there was no chance
No chance whatsoever that he would even notice her
He wasn't one of the people she talked about to her friends
He was her little secret, someone as real as her
Yet he is her secret
For now she will sleep here on her floor
Bleeding, crying, dead,empty