Summary: Aoife Renshaw is the girl who used to belong with the elites of her peers until she moved and fell to the bottom of the ladder. Now without friends and confidence, she lives a meaningless existence… until the charismatic Kilauea “Kai” Sanderson struts down their school hallways with the power of the volcano that is his name…

One in a Gazillion Times Infinity

Prologue

I’ll probably regret this someday. I mean, how pathetic is this? Having a conversation with my new scented diary? …Only, it’s not really a conversation, on account of I’m not actually talking but writing.

Maybe I should do an Anne Frank thing and name you. Might as well if you’re going to be my only solace whenever I’m blue… and trust me – that’s more times than I can count… That is, if you can’t count every single day of your life.

Sad, I know.

So what should I name you? I think the animal thing is taken. What about a flower? No, that’s too girly even for me. The colour sky blue always comforts me. I’ll call you Sky for short.

Okay. Hello Sky! My name is Aoife Renshaw. I just turned seventeen and I’m about to start my senior year though I’m currently doing summer school. More on that later. I’m going to describe myself in the most detailed way I can. I have blonde hair and hazel eyes. Just by my first name, I’m sure you already know I have European ancestry on my mother’s side. But of course, this doesn’t mean that I’m one of those unbelievably gorgeous Miss Universes or supermodels. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. To my immense shame and vexation, I am - I don't know... plump? Not overly so but due to my slightly petite frame (a petite frame!), I look...What's the word?Well, I'll tell you when my vocabulary kicks of course,my best friend, Leilani, tells me that it's not that I'm plump... I'm actuallycurvy that I look plump. I hope she's right.I’m the middle child with four siblings: the eldest, Eoghan; the second, Megan; the fourth, Willis, and; the fifth, Sanne.

I go to RHC (Reginald Hart’s College) by the way. I used to go to the School of St. Scholastica (SSS) but my parents moved us when I was in my second year of middle school. For my sake, it was a wrong move since I was already rooted to SSS but for my parents, they cared more about my schooling than my feelings.

I may sound bitter, Sky, but I cannot help it. When I was in SSS, I was one of the most popular girl’s best friend so I was popular in my own right. I was happy and content. I was friends with everyone and I had nothing more to gain and had everything else to lose.

RHC was supposed to be better but my whole time there has been hell – still is. Just three years of my life was more than enough to grab my confidence from me and tear it into non-existent shreds. How did I become plump? During the first two years, I ate my heart out while I cried myself to sleep. I even remembered one time when I went to the school chapel and, with tears streaming down my face, prayed to God if he could give me at least one companion. The move our family made was big and contact with my old friends is hard. In fact, I don’t hear from them anymore. Now I wonder if we were really friends at all.

That’s why I’m writing this, Sky. You see, you may be the only comfort to me at this moment. I don’t care how pathetic and weak that sounds because I cannot help it. Leilani doesn't need to hear more of this from me... Heaven knows she doesn't need more. For the first three years, I wished for a friend and nothing happened. Have I tried getting friends? Yes. A couple of times. They just gave me disgusted looks and turned away. After half a year of trying, I just gave up. What’s the point, right? But when I got Leilani, I was so happy. That's why I don't want to bother her more.

Do you want to know what my other sources of comfort are? Books. That might come out as nerdy but sadly, it’s true. Oh, not encyclopaedias or textbooks or anything. Fantasy books. I always pretend I’m that character in that novel so I can just get away from everything – even at least, temporarily. I also have a love-hate relationship with romance novels and fairytales. I remember when I was younger, I adored fairytales and I would even write some myself despite that tender age. But just like romance novels, it is highly unlikely – more like a one in a gazillion times infinity chance; in other words, impossible– that those things would happen to someone like me. Let’s face it. My life is not a novel or a fairytale. No prince charming or knight-in-shining armour would rescue me. No guy who is secretly in love with me. No guy who even sees me – let alone is interested in me. Reality is harsh and life is cruel: that’s how simple it is. Sometimes, no matter how much you wish for something, you just won’t get it.

I’m sorry if I sound like such a pessimist but my life hasn’t exactly been a walk in the park. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so depressed despite my life at school if my life at home was perfect. Unfortunately, even that is seemingly unattainable.

You can call me the ‘extra’ child. What do you mean by that? I don’t exist unless they have a need for me. For example, we went to this community family picnic where there were a lot of games including the whole family. Well, it was supposed to include to the whole family. My parents and my four perfect siblings entered. What about me?

They completely forgot about me… and I’m not even saying that for pity or to fish out sympathies.

There was no need for a fifth child since four children was the perfect number for the games. They didn’t even ask me if I wanted to join; they just all went and did this huddle – leaving me completely out. They only remembered me when they had to do ‘The Boat Sinks’ and they needed a number of seven. As soon as the emcee said ‘six’, I was pushed out of their group.

And that had hurt more than I wanted it to.

Maybe I’m just insecure but I have always known that I was a disappointment to my family. I saw the way my mom would look from Megan to Sanne and then to me, inwardly and outwardly comparing my figure to them. My dad would always drop comments like “I think Willis knows more than you and he’s two years younger”, only he didn’t really say “knows more”. “Smarter” and “had more brains” are the more specific ones but I don’t want sound dumber than I already am feeling.

So yes, that’s me in a nutshell. Sob story, huh? That's the reason why I hate it.

Well, not really since I almost told you my entire life story…

…But not quite. You see, something happened in my junior year.

Don’t get excited. I’m warning you.

You see, despite the fact that never in my life did I think that I was going to be that one in a gazillion times infinity, it turned out that way.

Again, don’t get excited.

Well, Sky… I’m going to write down in your pages what happened in the most confusing and life-changing year of my life.

You be the judge if that year ended in heaven or in hell.

A/N: This story was adapted from kalea mahsa’s plot. She allowed me use of it since she has given up on it and I would hate for it to go to waste. So thanks to, uh, her.

Yram Hael Neeltah