The First Five Times
Chapter Six

Vaughn was raging but trying not to show it. The only signs were the dirty glares in my direction when he thought I wouldn't notice. The signs of Lijah's mood, however, were much more obvious.

"Why would you do that?" he asked me, pacing around my brother's apartment. Jase was at work, and Vaughn was in the shower, giving Lijah a chance to rage at me since he and Vaughn had both just found out that despite Tobias and I coming close to being done, we weren't, not yet.

"You were done, you said you were done. And you don't even want to be with him! You're just with him because you feel bad that you cheated, and he, apparently, didn't. That is the stupidest reason ever to be with someone. God, Cady!"

I just shrugged. "He was giving it a chance, okay? I thought he at least deserved me giving him the same chance."

"Yeah, so you're with him out of guilt, like I said! I just . . . That is so stupid, Cady. So stupid," Lijah finished.

"So you don't agree with the relationship," I said, stating the obvious.

"Well, no, not really. I mean, I never really - I was always surprised by it, and then he was being an asshole, you know he was being an asshole, you're the one that told me he was being an asshole! And then he continued being an asshole, and you almost ended it, but nope, you reaffirmed the relationship instead! I just don't get it, Cady, you wanted it to be over, but because you feel guilty, you're with him. Is it really a good idea to be in a relationship that is purely motivated by guilt and obligation, at least on your part? And probably by the hope of getting laid on his part. I mean, you haven't slept with him yet, right, so knowing Tobias, he probably doesn't want to let you go without it. And you're his friend's sister, so that probably makes him feel like he's gotta give you a good chance, for Vaughn's sake. Didn't you tell me that he said as much?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Well, does that seem like a good basis for a relationship? Really, Cady, it's not that hard to figure out."

"I have to give it a chance, Lij. I actually kinda like Tobias."

"Yeah, sometimes. But do you really think I, of all people, would believe you like him enough to keep putting up with this shit purely because of liking him? I'm not a moron, I know that's not true."

"I'm just going to give it a chance. One last chance. That's all, Lijah. I swear."

"Why do you need to give it a chance to prove that the next party you go to, Tobias will be flirting with all his previous sex partners?"

I shrugged. "We've both learned from last time."

"For example, you've learned not to sleep with Jase," Lijah said sarcastically.

I glared at him. "Yeah, I have," I said tersely. "I shouldn't have had to learn that, yes, sure, but I did, so whatever."

"Yeah," Lijah said quietly. He was silent, looking down, and fidgeting for a few minutes before he spoke up. "I just don't understand why you had to go back to him, Cade. You didn't have to, you know."

I shrugged. "I guess I kinda wanted to."

He held up with hands in defeat. "Okay, okay. I guess that's your choice. But, for the record, if things go bad, I will be here for you, but I won't be surprised. I mean, whatever, sorry for speaking ill of your relationship, but I just can't see you and Tobias, you know, living happily ever after or anything."

"It's just for fun," I said.

"Is it really that much fun though? I mean, it hasn't been so far, right? So why would it start to be now?"

I shrugged again. "I just have to give him a chance, Lijah."

"You did, you gave him a chance, remember? Against your better judgment, you dated him, thus giving him a chance. And that, apparently, didn't really work out. So you already gave him a chance."

"But I was the one who really ruined that time."

"He pushed you to it. You know that relationship was failing. C'mon, Cady, you know it."

"I just have to give it another chance. One more."

"We're going in circles. Okay. Do what you think you should. I just, I don't know, Cade, I'm wary about this one. Just so you know."

I moved forward to hug him, a hug that he returned with a sigh. "I know, Lij. Really. But I can take care of myself, and no matter the outcome, I'll be fine."

I could feel him nod. "Okay. I really hope you're right."

So did I.

--

"Hey, baby," Tobias said in greeting, pulling me forward to kiss me. When he pulled back, his dark blue eyes were sparkling. He looked good, that much was undeniable. His blond hair was slightly spiked, and he was dressed in casual jeans, well-fitted to his body, and a light blue button-down shirt which made his eyes stand out more, and added to his all-American looks.

"Hey," I said, moving out of the doorway, and standing to the side, letting him come in. "Come on in," I invited him. "I'm almost ready to go."

"Well, you look good," he called to me as I hurried back to my room.

I turned around, grinning at him. "Thanks. So do you. Seriously, I'll be like two minutes."

Tobias nodded, settling down on the couch after kicking his shoes off by the door. "Take your time. It's a party, it'll still be going whatever time we get there."

Lijah came out of the hallway where his room was, fiddling with the brightly striped tie around his neck. "Hey, Cady, is the tie too much?" he asked me. It was then that he noticed Tobias on the couch, and although his hands remained as they were, pulling at the tie, he stopped in his place.

"Oh," he said. "Hey, Tobias."

Tobias lifted a lazy hand. "Hey, Elijah. How's it going?"

"Good, I guess. Just, you know, getting ready to head out."

"Lij is going to the opening of that new martini bar," I told Jase. "He has to, for work."

Lijah nodded. "Yeah, I have to make an appearance. If you would've come," he said to me. "Then I might've been persuaded to stay longer."

I shrugged. "Maybe if you had let me know about it more than two hours ago," I told him.

He grinned. "Yeah, I guess that could've helped my case. But anyway, Cady, how do I look? Do I look presentable? You know, young and hip, yet still a bit formal and dressy?"

"You look great," I told him honestly.

"That tie is great," Tobias said, nodding at Lijah. "Really, it's good."

"Thanks," Lijah said, finally stopping his fidgeting with the tie in question. "It better look great, it's an expensive one."

"But you love it," I told him, walking up to him to give his tie the final adjustment. "There," I said, stepping back to admire the finished product.

"Thanks," he told me. "So I'm good? I'm all ready to go?"

"Yeah, you're wonderful," I assured him. "How are you getting there?"

Lijah shrugged. "I guess I should probably cab it. Although I don't plan on getting drunk, it's the opening of a martini bar, for God's sake. I probably shouldn't plan to drive home from that."

"We can drop you off," Tobias suggested, standing up from the couch. "We're leaving right away, that is, if Cadence will be ready right away, and that way you'd only have to pay for cab fare home at least."

I smiled at him before turning back to Lijah. "That's a good idea. What d'you think?"

Lijah grinned. "I think I'd be a moron not to take you up on that. Okay, I just have to brush my teeth, and I'll be ready to go."

"Give me about the same amount of time, and I'll be ready too," I said.

"And I'll just relax on the couch," Tobias added, sitting back down and sprawling out. "Sounds good."

I rushed off to my room to finish making myself up. As I was giving myself a final dusting of powder, Lijah appeared in my doorway, visible to me in the corner of my mirror.

He stepped inside the room, pulling the door shut behind him. "I'm trying here, Cady," he said in a low voice. "You want to give him a chance, I've got to too. So I'm really trying."

I put down the brush, and turned to Lijah. "I know. Thanks. Besides, you're obviously not the only one who is unhappy with all of this."

"Yeah, Vaughn," Lijah agreed, nodding. "Which makes me think - never mind," he finished hastily, stuffing his hands into his pockets, and looking up at me guiltily.

"What?" I asked. "Just say it," I urged him.

"Well, it makes me think that if Vaughn, one of his friends, isn't happy about you with Tobias, then that's a pretty strong sign that Tobias isn't someone you should be with. Like I said, never mind."

"Vaughn wouldn't be happy with anyone I chose to date," I declared. "He's, you know, my protective older brother. He's not supposed to be happy with anyone I date, I guess. So I don't count that against Tobias."

"Yeah, but if Tobias is Vaughn's friend, you'd think Vaughn would like the guy enough to be happy with his sister dating him," Lijah argued. "But you know, whatever, I'm going to drop it. It's not worth an argument. Besides, we have to go right away."

"Lij?" I ventured.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think things have changed? Between Tobias and I, I mean. For the better?"

He shrugged, a half-smile on his face. "I don't know. It looks that way, sure, but I just, I don't know, it's not where I would put you, I guess. But if it's where you want to be, I'll just have to go with it."

I nodded. "Thanks, Lij."

The same half-smile returned to his face. "Yeah, you're welcome. Now c'mon, we should go. This isn't really a good discussion to be having with the subject right on the other side of that wall."

When we exited my room, Tobias stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans. "All set?" he asked.

Lijah shot a sidelong glance to me, and I nodded. "Yeah, we're ready to go."

"Perfect. Let's head out then."

As I followed Tobias down the stairs, I couldn't help glancing back at Lijah, who looked troubled. When we dropped him off at the bar, he leaned forward from the backseat, kissing my cheek as best he could from that angle.

"Be good," he said quietly into my ear, away from Tobias.

I shot him a winning smile. "I always am," I said, knowing the lie before it left my mouth.

His rueful smile reflected that he knew the lie as well, obviously. "Yeah. Well. I'll see you soon," he said.

I nodded. "Okay," I said quietly. He stepped out of the car, giving me a final smile, and with a wave to Tobias, he disappeared into the bar.

I turned to Tobias, who was looking at me, his eyes sparkling despite the darkness of the street right outside the windows.

"Okay, Cadence," he said. "Let's go have some fun tonight."

--

When we arrived at the party it was already in full-swing. We had missed out on the tentative beginnings, the awkward laughter shared over the first drinks, the obvious segregation between cliques. By the time Tobias and I arrived, the laughter had turned obnoxious, and people crowded everywhere, barely leaving enough space between themselves for a stray hand to push them out of the way, making a path for new arrivals to walk through. Which, obviously, is what Tobias and I were forced to do at this point.

"I'll go grab us drinks," Tobias said into my ear, speaking loudly to be heard over the din of the music. "I'll be right back." He gave a quick peck to my cheek, and then was elbowing his way through the crowd again, making his way in the direction of what I presumed to be the kitchen.

I was left in the living room, which wasn't teeming with bodies quite in the way the front hall had been, but was still pretty full. Glancing around, I spotted Jase sitting in an oversized chair that was clearly meant for two people. He had a beer in his hand, although he didn't raise it to his lips, and was sprawled out, looking relaxed as he watched people arrive through the big window overlooking the front yard.

I made my way over to him. "Hey!" I exclaimed. Jason looked up at me, not the least bit surprised to see me. Of course, he had probably seen Tobias and I walk up the front sidewalk only minutes ago. His blue eyes were steady, unwavering. Sober, really, which wasn't too surprising, being that it was always a fifty-fifty chance that Jase would get drunk at a party.

His lips curled upwards. "Hey," he replied. He moved the one side of the chair, gesturing with his beer to the open space beside him. "Have a seat, Cady."

I hesitated for only a moment before sliding next to him. The past ten days hadn't been awkward between Jase and I, not outwardly, not really, but if my behavior was the norm, than that had to be chalked up to steely determination. I was determined to not let anything be awkward between us. It was a one-night stand, we had both agreed on that, no hard feelings, no nothing. Sure, probably not my wisest choice for a one-night stand, but that didn't change what it was. What it had been. So, that was that.

"Thanks," I said to him. He offered up his beer next, carefully raising an eyebrow when I shook my head. "Tobias is getting us drinks," I explained.

"Ah," Jase said, nodding. His expression was decidedly neutral. "You guys are doing okay? One of those couples whose fights make you stronger?"

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, shielding my gaze behind my bangs. He had casually raised his beer to his lips, taking a swig as his eyes surveyed the room. There was nothing off about any of this, yet I was on-guard.

I shook my bangs out of my eyes, and shrugged. "I guess so. I mean, we're not perfect by any means, but we're giving it a shot, so that's worth something, right?"

Jason shrugged. "I'm not really much of a relationship guru, Cady." That was true. I couldn't remember Jase's last actual relationship, if there'd ever even been one. Which lead me to another question, one that I couldn't believe I had never thought to ask before.

"How many girls have you slept with?" I asked him.

He fixed me with a shrewd glance. "I'm clean, if that's what you're wondering."

"No, I mean, that's good, that's great, but how many girls? What's the number, Jase?"

He sighed. "Enough. More than enough, probably."

"That's not a number," I told him.

"I don't know the number."

"You don't know," I repeated, disbelieving.

He looked at me now, annoyed. "God, Cady, I don't know, okay? Just drop it." He was on edge. I knew at once that I was right about how he was consciously trying not to be awkward, just like me.

I didn't drop it though. "More than ten?" I pressed him. At his withering look, I changed the query. "Okay, so more than twenty?"

He laughed tiredly, holding his head in his hands. "Cady," he said, still laughing. "It's a lot. That's the closest estimate I'm going to give you, so just give it up, okay?"

"Why won't you tell me, because I'm one of those many numbers?"

His laughter stopped suddenly, as if he had choked on it.

"Just drop it, okay?" I had never heard his voice so tense, nor so raised. I glanced around to see if anyone else had taken notice of Jase's tone, but nobody in the room even knew me, and the same was probably true of Jase as well. Nobody even gave us a second glance.

"Sure, fine, whatever," I finally relented, muttering my words.

"Great," Jase said, leaning back in the chair. His body so close to mine, I could feel the tension in him, feel the tautness of his thigh pressed against mine.

Tobias chose that moment to break the tension, effectively coming to my rescue, which is something I never thought Tobias, of all people, would do. Probably not the best way to be thinking of the guy that I had agreed to date at the time, but there you have it.

"Here, Cadence," he said, passing me a beer of my own. He nodded at Jason. "Jase."

Jason raised his beer in a salute. "What's up, Tobe?" he asked.

Tobias shrugged. "It's a party, man. Same old, same old."

"Except you're not going to be picking up any girls tonight. At least, that's what I'm assuming," Jase said, a lazy grin on his face.

Tobe laughed, glancing at me. "Me too. Let's hope it doesn't come to that, anyway," he joked, his blue eyes sparkling.

"All the more for me," Jase replied, raising his beer once again to toast Tobias. He didn't drink any though, something Tobias didn't notice as he gulped down his own beer in response to Jase's "toast."

"Yeah, don't let me down. You're my only hope, man," Tobias told him, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I mean, Christian's got Britt, we all know Vaughn's after Emily, and Bert hasn't got a chance. It rests on your shoulders to take a girl home, Jase."

"I won't let you down," Jase said mock-seriously.

"I'll check up on you later," Tobias promised. "Right now, I have to go mingle, say a few quick hellos. Social duty and all that. I'll find you in a bit, okay, Cadence?" he said to me, effectively shunning the idea of introducing me as any sort of girlfriend. Of course, this would only have offended me if I wanted to make small talk with Tobias' former conquests, which was never particularly high on my to do list.

I shrugged. "Yeah, okay. I'm sure we'll be able to find each other later. And if not, I can take care of myself just fine."

Tobias grinned. "Oh, ain't that the truth. I'll see you in a bit, baby," he said, lightly kissing my lips. "Bye, Jase."

"Bye," Jason echoed. He waited until Tobias was out of view, swallowed up into the crowd, before he turned to me. "So," he said.

"So, who's the lucky girl tonight? You know, the one that gets to go home with you, and become number . . . What was it again?" I asked innocently.

Jason began to laugh. "You are persistent, I'll give you that. But I won't give you a number."

"We'll see about that."

"Yeah, whatever. So, you and Tobias, you're all good?"

"Yes."

"And you don't care if he goes off to say hi to random people? Because I thought that was the problem, you know, last week or whenever."

"No, the problem was that he kept ditching me for those 'random people,' as you put it," I responded.

Jase shrugged. "Oh, right. And so if Tobias lets you know what he's doing, you're perfectly fine and happy."

"Pretty much. Or to be more accurate, I don't give a shit. I don't have a leash on him or anything. I'm not that girl."

Jase studied me. "No, you are not," he finally said. He lifted his beer to his lips, actually chugging it down in a hearty fashion this time. He leaned forward, and set his now-empty beer bottle onto the coffee table in front of us.

"I'm going to go grab another drink. Something stronger, I think. I'll have one for you too so I expect you to be finished with that beer when I get back," he said, standing up. "Be right back."

I nodded, smiling up at him. "Okay. I'll be . . . here," I finished.

He tossed me a winning grin over his shoulder before heading out into the masses.

I leaned back in the chair, raising my beer to my lips. I didn't normally hang out with Jase, at least not just Jase, at a party, choosing instead to spend time with my own friends. I was fairly certain that I'd be able to find some of my other friends here, being that I had already seen both Karen, a girl that I worked with at the coffee shop, and Patrick, who was a good friend of Lijah's. That told me that some of my crowds were here, so it wasn't just Jase and Tobias that I knew. Besides, if Jase was here, there were pretty good odds that Vaughn, Jarmaine, and Christian were here, and if Christian was here, that meant Britt and probably Stella. And if Patrick was here, than Lijah was sure to turn up once he finished with his thing. He might have turned up already, in fact. But still, I didn't move from the chair, waiting patiently for Jase to return.

He finally did, a cup in each hand. He grinned when he saw me still sitting there. "Miss me?" he asked. His eyes already looked less clear than they had before, now sporting a glassy look.

"Of course," I said, moving a bit to let him sit down. He pressed one of the cups into my free hand, plucking my near-empty beer bottle out of my other hand, and taking a long swig, draining it completely.

"Why aren't you hanging out with Vaughn?" I asked him, taking a sip of my new drink. I wrinkled my nose only slightly. Strong.

Jase shrugged, taking a hearty gulp of his drink. "I didn't really feel like drinking when I got here," he said. "I told him and Jarmaine that I'd find them later. Why aren't you with Elijah? I think I saw him in the kitchen when I was grabbing these."

"Oh yeah?" I said, taking another sip. "I only just got here when I found you so I thought I might as well visit for a bit. Besides, I live with Lijah so I'm sure he can wait. It's not like I don't see him a lot as it is."

Jase studied me again, that same strange look in his eyes, which were now becoming less and less focused. "Yeah, okay," he agreed, setting his cup down on the table. Empty. Already.

He noticed me watching him, and grinned. "C'mon, Cady, at least try to keep up with me."

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?"

"Yeah, all right. Keep up with me. Now, I'm going to rummage through cupboards so I can find a tray to bring all sorts of drinks back to us. Then we'll let the battle begin. Until then, wait here. You better be here when I get back, or else I might think you're scared to go up against. And God knows my ego shouldn't be expanded like that." He grinned again, standing up and pointing a wobbly finger in my direction. "Stay put."

"Okay," I agreed, laughing a bit. "I wouldn't dream of running away."

His grin turned winning. "That's what I was hoping you'd say."

Once again, his grin was the lsat thing I saw before he disappeared into the crowd. To occupy myself while I waited for Jase to return, I sip on my drink, trying to ignore the burn that went down my throat with each gulp. I found my eyes soon drifting to the window, where Jase's eyes had been focused when I'd arrived. Now the front yard had only a few people in it, cigarettes in hand, maybe, but no beer bottles or cups anywhere. Not in the front yard, at least.

There were two girls, posing against the railing that went up the front steps, obviously trying to look cool and collected, and pointedly not looking at the two guys a few feet away, both of whom were obviously checking out the girls. Another girl sat on the bottom step, her feet scuffing the cement walkway. She was throwing her head back in laughter at something the guy next to her was saying, which he was explaining by using highly animated hand gestures, it appeared. My eyes stayed on the girl as she laughed and laughed, carefree and happy.

It wasn't until Jase returned that I brought my eyes back to the activities inside the house instead of focusing on what was outside.

"Hey," he said in greeting. Despite his increasingly drunken state, which had obviously been aided by him probably helping himself to some of the drinks on both of his trips to the kitchen, he managed to balance the loaded tray effortlessly, where his years of restaurant experience showed in the tray perfectly supported on his left hand.

He carefully set the tray down on the table in front of us. "So, I got a good mix. There's a couple of different drinks, just random things, and then some shots. It's not a race, it's more, well, it's more of a thing where we have booze, so let's drink it. And hopefully we can both handle it, and not embarrass ourselves."

"That's always a good plan," I said, leaning forward to pick up one of the shots, a sickly yellow-colored one. I raised it slightly, and Jase took the hint, grabbing a shot of his own to hoist in the air.

"I want to say 'To evil' but I don't know if that's really applicable," Jase said, grinning.

I shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

"Or maybe just a simple 'To us' would get the point across nicely. Sinister, sure, but still subtle."

"That was a bit of alliteration."

Jase made a face. "Okay, to us," he proclaimed.

I hoisted my glass a bit higher. "To us," I echoed. We clinked our glasses together, each downing our shots.

"Now," Jase said, leaning forward, and rubbing his hands after placing his empty glass back on the tray. "The real question arises. Where to begin with this delicious smorgasborg of booze? Ah, and a whiskey sour. A perfect show of my experience bartending, wouldn't you say, Cadence?"

I shrugged. "Sure?"

"Oh, you'll be sure all right after you give one of these a try," Jase said, laughing a bit. "Here," he said, handing me a drink that was identical to the one in his hand. "Enjoy."

--

"Hey, Cady," a voice said in front of me.

I lolled my head around on my neck until I could see the person in front of me. Bright blue eyes. Jase! Spiky brown hair. No, no Jase. Lijah!

"Liijah!" I said aloud, reaching out to wrap my arms around him. "Hi!"

"Hey, honey," he replied, returning my hug with less fervor than I had. He smelled of a woody sort of smoke, a scent that I would forever associate with Lijah when he was at a party.

"You drunk?" he asked me, pulling back to look into my eyes.

I nodded. "Yuh-huh. I'm so drunk."

"Drinking by yourself?"

I whirled around, nearly falling out of the chair. Lijah, his reflexes not as dulled as mine were, caught me, steadying me into the chair.

"Jase was here," I said, studying the empty spot next to me where Jase had been sitting. "I swear, he was, like, a minute ago."

Lijah frowned slightly. "You're drinking with Jase?"

"Yeah. He makes good drinks. He knows how to bartend, didja know?"

"Well, I guess, being that he works at a restaurant. Cady, is it really a good idea for you to be drinking with Jase? I mean, after what happened between you two, after sleeping with the guy."

"Lij, it's fine. I'm fine, Jase is fine, it's all fine," I said, waving my arms to prove the point. "You didn't used to care when I got drunk."

"You didn't used to have one night stands with your brother's best friend," he retorted.

"Yeah. One night. One. That's kinda the point of a one night stand, Lij," I said, giggling a bit at having to explain this to him. "It only happens once."

He smiled. "Yeah, that's the general idea. I'm not really one to speak on that from experience though."

"Then take my word for it," I said, pointing both of my thumbs at myself. "That's how it works."

"I guess you're the authority on that between the two of us. Have you just been drinking with Jase all night?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I wasn't going to, but Tobias went off somewhere, and I started drinking with Jase, and I kept meaning to leave, but I didn't, and then -"

"You didn't care about leaving anymore," Lijah finished for me. "No, I get it. Well, it's been a while, at least for you, since you were well and truly drunk, you alcoholic. Same here, so I'm going to get my party started, though it is a bit later than yours. Wanna share a cab home?"

I nodded. "Yes! We'll do that! But not now."

"No, not now. My binge drinking for the night has barely started, give me a couple hours."

"Okay. I'll be here. Or around," I said, waving my hand vaguely.

"I'll probably be more around than here," Lijah quipped. He leaned forward, and kissed my forehead. "I'll see you in a bit. Try to behave."

"Only if you do!" I called to him as he began to walk away. Lijah grinned.

"I never do," he joked, a lie.

I grinned back at him, and blew him a kiss, which he pretended to catch. And then, just as Jase had done so many times tonight, Lijah disappeared into the crowd of people, which was now more like a wave as people danced along the edges of the living room, spilling into the kitchen.

Jase made his way back to me, half-falling into the chair as he stumbled forward. "Sorry. Long line-up for the bathroom."

"It's okay. I talked to Lijah," I told him.

"Oh. Well, that's good."

"Yeah."

We sat in silence for a minute before Jason reached forward to the ever-present tray in front of us. "Shooter?" he asked, holding out a reddish-brown shot. "It's only cherry whiskey, it's not too bad."

By this point, the fruit part was overpowering the whiskey part, so cherry whiskey, never overly strong, was like sweet syrupy cherry juice to me. That didn't stop me from grabbing the offered shot out of Jase's outstretched hand.

"To us," I declared.

"To us!" he echoed, exclaiming it loudly.

No sooner had I downed my shot than Jase's lips were on mine, his hands tightly gripping the sides of my face as his tongue begged for entrance into my mouth. The slightest opening, and he was in, kissing me madly with a franticness that was unfamiliar to me.

I pulled back before him, surprised.

"Jason," I said.

"Cady," he breathed.

We stared at each for a few moments, and then Jase leaned in again, kissing me just as he had before. This time I returned his kisses, every bit as fevered as him.

He was the one to pull back first this time, laughing quietly, his shoulders shaking only slightly as he rested his forehead on my shoulder.

"Oh, Cadence," was all I heard him say.

When he looked up, all signs of mirth were gone from his face, his features now serious.

"We should go," he said.

"Go?" I questioned.

"Yeah. Away from here. Away from everyone. I'll call a cab." He had already pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, seemingly sure in himself, sure that I wanted him to do this, before he paused, looking up at me from beneath his eyelashes. There, half hidden in the shadows from his down-turned face, I could see an anxious, uncertain look in his eyes.

"Cady?" he said. He started to ask more, but I spoke before he could really get any words out.

"Make the call," I told him.

His smile was small, barely noticeable except for the corners of his lips. But it was only a second before he had the phone to his ear, having memorized the numbers of the major cab companies in the city.

It seemed like hours, almost, those two minutes that he was on hold, waiting for the operator to get to his call in the queue. "To 108 8th St., please," he said simply before hanging up only seconds later. He nodded at me. "Let's go."

I followed him to the hallway, which had cleared out around the foyer since Tobias and I had arrived. Tobias. I hadn't seen him all night. I had told him that I could take care of myself, that I was a big girl. And I was, I was proving that I was indeed a big girl as I waited in the foyer with Jase, his eyes fixed again on what was outside a window.

Even as we stood there in the foyer, not touching one another, barely even glancing at each other, and then, on the cab ride to Jase's apartment, even when I followed Jase up the stairs to his apartment, stood patiently behind him as he unlocked his door, even through all of this, I wasn't quite sure what I was doing. It wasn't logical, but no, I didn't know what was going to happen. I knew the point to all of this, of course, how could I not, but I didn't know if we were actually going to do this again, if this wasn't just a spontaneous one time thing. This time, this time we were both drunk, we had an excuse. But it was the second time. It's the first time that needs to be excused, needs to have some sort of fall-back reason. The first time, the one night stand, is supposed to be fueled by intoxication, leading to a disbelief at what has happened, a disregard. That is how it happens, that's supposed to be the basis of it. We were doing this all wrong, with it happening when it shouldn't, when it had no right, no reason, to happen, and then, when we could have had a reason, an excuse, we weren't doing it as a one-time thing anymore. That was undeniable, this was, after all, the second time. No reasoning, nothing other than want, which wasn't a reason, wasn't one that I fully understood. I couldn't. Not here, not at this time. I couldn't have understood.

We didn't kiss again until we were in Jase's bedroom, the door safely closed. We could've kissed, passionately even, as soon as we were in the apartment. We could've knocked over lamps and coffee mugs, stumbled into walls, fallen down hard on the couch, we could've done all those things, but we didn't. Instead, we walked quietly, me following him, waiting, every nerve on my body tingling in anticipation, my mind numb with disconnect, and didn't kiss until we were safe in the darkness of his bedroom.

I don't remember much else, no details, no. Ideas, maybe, and I'm not naive, I know exactly what happened. I remember feelings, emotions, and sure, some sighs here and there. I just remember that I, drunk off my ass but not as an excuse, had sex with Jase for the second time, opening my eyes at one point to see him peering through his shaggy black hair, slicked to his forehead with sweat, and his icy eyes piercing right into me.

He didn't say anything. There was just a glimmer in his eyes, and the slightest of smiles.

--

So it’s been a while, but not one year – relatively good, then! I actually wrote about thirty pages for this story yesterday, although they weren’t all for this chapter, obviously. So I’m not sure when the next chapter will be up, but I will reach a point where I’ve got a lot ready to go. It’ll be a happy time.

As always, thank you for reviewing, and especially for reading. You know I always appreciate it, so thanks.