The stage opens on an apartment, very trendy and casual Stage center is the living room which has three couches and a stand with a very beautifully decorated candy dish that is filled with condoms. There is a section on stage left that will serve as the kitchen or other various places in the play. After seconds of silence and just light on the living room and kitchen, JORDAN walks through. He has clearly just woken up for he is still in his pajamas and his looks resemble a zombie. After he takes a few pills from the kitchen, he sits down in the living room and begins to read his paper. Off stage you hear various alarm clocks going off, and you also hear various swear words from the characters BETHANY, HELEN, and HINEL. They rush on stage and dive for the coffee in the kitchen. It has not been made yet.

BETHANY: close to tears Wh-why is the coffee not in the coffee pot?

They stand in shock and dread as the find that someone didn’t make the coffee the night before. All hell breaks lose. This part would be appropriate for adlibbing “But it was your turns” and “I’m going to fucking kill somebody”s between HINEL and BETHANY. Finally HELEN speaks.

HELEN: Shut up! The two silence immediately. I don’t care whose turn it was to make the coffee all I care about is that there better be some coffee in that fucking pot by the time I get out of the shower? Understand? They nod. Good. She begins to walk off but then stops and turns around. Good morning Jordan.

JORDAN: Huh?

HELEN walks off stage and the two other girls rock, paper, scissors who will have to make the coffee. HINEL wins and BETHANY is left at the coffee maker. HINEL walks off stage and JORDAN and BETHANY are left alone.

BETHANY: Anything good happening in the world?

JORDAN: Nope.

BETHANY: Anything interesting happening?

JORDAN: Yup.

BETHANY: Like?

JORDAN: Stuff.

BETHANY: Gah!! I could kill you.

JORDAN: lowers the paper for a moment and does a look over of BETHANY then brings the paper back up. Nope.

BETHANY rolls her eyes and continues making the coffee. When the bubbling noise of the coffee begins to start she walks off stage and JORDAN is alone again. He lowers his paper and acknowledges the audience.

JORDAN: Those were my friends, the loud one was Helen. She seems to be the ringleader of us all. She’s the only one with the most sense unless she’s intoxicated. She’s a lawyer here in Atlanta. Big Baby #1 was Hinel. She acts like she’s one fourth her age which can be really fun or really annoying depending on how intoxicated you are. She’s a doctor scarily enough. As a matter of fact she has the most mal-practice suits against her in the state of Georgia. Luckily she has Helen who defends her very well. Big Baby #2 with the death threats was Bethany. She’s about as intimidating as a bunny rabbit and she knows it. She gives off this innocent air, until she gets intoxicated. She’s the theatre professor at Emory and loves her students almost as much as she loves the musical RENT. Me? I’m Jordan. I’ve known these girls since high school and haven’t been able to get rid of them since. Seriously enough though, I love them like they’re my sisters, until I get intoxicated. I’m a security guard down at a strip club that’s pretty close to the Catholic Church that I attend every Sunday and sometimes Saturday depending on how quickly I need to confess. I also have a degree in political science and I feel like I’m the king of estrogen…that can’t get laid, even if I am intoxicated. He returns to his paper and then pulls it back down with a smile on his face. By the way, it was Helen’s turn to make coffee.

The stage goes black and you can hear BETHANY shouting out stage directions, HELEN yelling legal phrases, stripper music, and HINEL saying “This won’t hurt a bit,” then screams of pain several times. The light comes up and we find all four of the characters at work. All four groups freeze then HINEL’S group begins to move.

HINEL: hands her dirty gloves to her intern. Take these and throw them away. Next set of stitches you’re doing them, I’m sick of these babies.

INTERN: Yes ma’am. He stumbles with words for a moment. Uh-Dr. Uh Patel uh can I uh….you know…uh….ask….um….I mean would you like to…I mean if you don’t have uh…when we’re off of course but…..Italian?

HINEL: Stares blankly. What was that?

INTERN: Uh…I mean…never mind.

HINEL: No! You can’t just say that, what were you trying to say?

INTERN: Um…would you like to go out and eat food with me because you have pretty…hair.

HINEL: Of course! She begins to walk away and then turns back. Do you think they have French fries there?

They freeze and HELEN begins to move.

STEVEN: Hey, Ms. Laseter. That was some fine ass kicking you did back there. Congrats on a job well done.

HELEN: Thanks, Mr.…uh?

STEVEN: Steven, Steven Gallops.

HELEN: Helen Laseter.

STEVEN: Why don’t I congratulate you properly by taking you out for a drink?

HELEN: Sounds like a plan.

They freeze and the stripper music begins to play again. JORDAN is leaning against a wall discussing Japanese history with a man that clearly doesn’t care.

JORDAN: And that’s why the Japanese are crazy! They have used underwear dispensers! That’s wrong on so many levels it’s just not funny. I mean, why can’t they go back to the good old days in Ancient Japan when they were ruled by this warrior group called the samurai.

STRIPPER #1 enters and leans on JORDAN’S shoulder. STRIPPER #1 has had a small crush on JORDAN since he kicked the ass of some drunk man trying to rape her. She’s very pretty and obviously doesn’t belong as a stripper, but has to pay the bills some way.

STRIPPER 1: Jordan, are you giving this nice, young man trouble?

JORDAN: No, I was just making friends. Good bye, sir!

The man exits and STRIPPER and JORDAN are alone. He starts to continue his previous conversation with her but she shushes him.

STRIPPER 1: My shift ends in like, twenty minutes. How about the two of us go out and get some coffee or…discuss a few things.

JORDAN: Uh…laughs nervously Heh, um…pants?

They freeze, BETHANY begins to move.

BETHANY: That was great you guys. I’ll see you all tomorrow at the same time. If you’re late you all die. She turns to find HENRY standing behind her. HENRY is a music professor and has small disks in his ears for ear rings, an eyebrow piercing, and a goatee, which really contrasts BETHANY’S style Hey professor, what’s up?

HENRY: Not much, just wandering by the auditorium, it was on my way.

BETHANY: The music department is on the other end of the school, what’s really up Henry?

HENRY: laughs uncomfortably Heh, yeah, well I was noticing that I had an extra ticket for this band I was going to see tonight and I wanted to know if you would like to join me?

BETHANY: Uh…what band is it?

HENRY: Just this um…it’s a small band…It’s actually my band, I was hoping for a groupie of some sort.

BETHANY: Sounds like fun. Pick me up at 7ish? Here’s my address.

HENRY: Thanks. He walks off.

BETHANY does a small happy dance as soon as he’s out of site then is shocked when TRAVIS, one of BETHANY’S closest students, comes up behind her.

TRAVIS: Professor?

BETHANY: Hmm? Oh, hey Travis. Take a seat sweetie. What’s on your mind?

TRAVIS: Uh, you see. I think I’m in trouble. Um. She begins to cry. I just…I can’t…I’m pregnant.

The stage blacks out.