I had to say, I was rather impressed with Tony. He did a good job of pretending like the storm’s fierceness didn’t scare him at all. I looked at him, wondering if he’d been storm-watching before. But no, he was too nervous of the rain and lightning to truly have withstood a storm. I turned back to the sea, and settled back against the rock behind me. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I had a sinking feeling that there would be no Selkies this time. I was beginning to lose hope of ever seeing them, this far away from Ireland. But still, something in me stubbornly held on, insisting that Selkies loved the wild shores, and that you couldn’t get much wilder than the coast of New England.

“Say, there’s going to be a bonfire party on the beach this Friday,” Tony said, glancing at me, “For all the incoming freshman. You going?”

I smiled slightly, “Technically I’m not old enough.”

“So that rumor’s true too.” I nodded, not even having to ask what he was talking about. The rumor that I had skipped grades.

“Still, you should come,” he said. “It’ll be fun.”

I laughed. “I think that is a very different type of fun then the fun that I like.”

“How would you know?” he challenged me. “I bet you’ve never been to one of those parties, where it’s mainly kids our age.”

“No, but I’ve heard about them. They’re not for outcasts like me.”

“Nobody cares at big parties,” Tony said. “Nobody cares who’s an outcast.”

“They just won’t talk to them,” I said quietly.

Tony gave up trying to persuade me after that, for which I was thankful for. I didn’t feel like being reminded how nobody in my class wanted to associate with me. I was a baby compared to the teenagers that I went to school with. The storm was a short one; as it finally started to abate after half an hour or so, Tony stood up.

“Well, let me know if you change your mind,” he said. And then he left. I stayed there a bit longer, wondering at the sudden coldness next to me. He had been there such a short time and yet I had already gotten used to the warmth of his body sitting next to me.

I finally glanced at my watch; the last glow of light was leaving the sky and it was probably time to head inside and help Ma and Jesse with dinner.

Colleen-inin

I felt shivers travel all over me, and I hugged her arms around myself as I stood up. “Hello?” I called. My voice came out more hesitant and soft than I had expected. I cleared my voice and spoke louder. “Is someone there?”

Colleen-inin

I scrambled down the rocks, bruising my elbow and scraping a knee while I was at it. I had never been the most graceful child. I hissed as my foot caught in between two rocks and sent me sprawling to the gravely-sand.

“Ouch!” I lay there for a second, indulging the pain, then sat up and pressed my hands together for a moment. I hated when I scraped my palms up. I had momentarily forgotten the strange voice, but when I looked up I thought I saw a dark shape in the water. I jumped up and took off running again, straight into the waves.

“Are you there?” I called, my heart hammering against my chest. Please be there…please…I wanted to see a Selkie, so badly. Perhaps one had felt my longing and had come. Maybe once the sun went down they would come out of the ocean and dance for me.

I stood there for several minutes, feeling the temperature of the cold water slowly seep into my legs, freezing my toes into the sand. Water lapped at me and I grimaced; the hems of my rolled-up jeans were officially soaked with sea water. Ma was going to be furious. I finally backed out of the water and sat myself on a rock on the beach, determined to wait out the last ray of sunlight. Dinner was totally forgotten.

But as the darkness took over the sky, nothing happened. Instead, the water actually got calmer. I felt a tight pain in my chest and I reached up to brush the back of my hands against my eyes. I would not cry over something so stupid. Maybe this waiting was stupid. Maybe I should just be like the other kids here, go to that party with Tony…maybe I should give up on childish fantasies. Fantasies that had probably been blown out of proportion by an over-imaginative child.

I waited for one more second, subconsciously hoping that by getting bitter at the selkies, one of them would appear. But nothing happened. I turned and started climbing back up the rocks, feeling almost too drained to be equal to the task even though I had climbed up and down the rocks since I could walk.

Had I just made up the voice in my head? I didn’t understand it. Why then? Why would my mind make up something like that, play such a cruel trick on myself?

And what did inin mean? Was that the word I had heard?

-------------------------------

That night I was very distracted throughout dinner. I accidentally upset Ma by not paying attention to her conversation and giving her one word answers, along with barely tasting my food.

Ma clucked her tongue. “Colleen, what’s gotten into you? I made some of your favorite casserole and you’ve barely touched it.” Ma had her concerned face on; she didn’t like it when her family members didn’t eat. Even if those family members weren’t actually related to her.

“Sorry Ma.” I automatically took a forkful and ate it, then put my silverware down.

“May I be excused?”

Ma gave Da a despairing look, but he simply shrugged his shoulders. He wasn’t one to create conflict over anything petty like a child who didn’t feel like eating one night’s dinner.

I rinsed my dishes off and then ran up to my bedroom, burrowing into the blue quilt that had been on my bed since I could remember. Other than some of my baby toys being put into boxes in the attic, and some of my dolls being put on shelves, the room hadn’t changed much during my lifetime. It probably wouldn’t change much after I moved out of the house either; there was no need for it to.

I glanced over at my book bag, but I was definitely not in the mood to do homework. I’d already done the stuff for my morning classes anyway; I’d do the rest during lunch. My first morning class was reading, and so I usually spent the weekends catching up and getting ahead in that class. It was easier for me if, when I was called to read out loud in class, I had already read the story once before. I didn’t like the other kids to see me struggle, because then they would get nasty. They still remembered the fact that I was a younger than them, and many of them resented it.

I heard the door open and close, and I grabbed my pillow and pulled it over my face as I recognized the heavy steps. I didn’t want a lecture from Da either. Homework was starting to look like a much better option.

“Colleen.”

“I know, I know, I shouldn’t have upset Ma like that. I’ll apologize in a bit,” I mumbled through the pillow. I didn’t think I needed to apologize for anything, but it would make everyone happier if I did.

“Colleen, your ma’s right…something’s gotten into you today.”

I hunched into the bedspread, unsure if I wanted to talk about it or not. Da always got touchy when I started talking about selkies. But at the same time, he seemed to know more than anyone else about them. Maybe he would know…but no, I couldn’t, as much as I wanted to. Da wouldn’t understand, he’d just get angry. Instead I’d just give Da something else new, something he could understand.

“I was invited to a party today, Da. By a boy.”

That shocked Da; that was the last thing he’d ever expected to trouble me.

“A boy?”

“Yes Da, a boy. To the bonfire party.” I rolled over and looked at him, more composed now that we were on safer subjects. “His name is Tony.”

“Oh, the new family.” Yes, the new family. Everyone knew the one new family in town. Sad, really, that it took a newcomer to actually approach me and talk to me.

Dad shifted, suddenly uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. “Maybe you should do, Colleen.”

“What?” I sat up, startled. I thought my dad would be overprotective, immediately insist I not go because they were all older than me and irresponsible kids.

“Well, it might be nice if you had some friends your own age Colleen. I know you like spending time by yourself, but I’m sure that can get lonely sometimes.”

“Da!” I lay back down on the bed with a thump. “They’re not my own age, you know.”

“You have to stop thinking of them like that Colleen. You won’t make friends with them if you hold yourself apart.”

We both looked at each other a minute. I knew Da was like me; he understood wanting to be solitary. But apparently he was seriously worried about my lack of friends. I sighed and looked up at the ceiling again. If this had been before I met Tony, and Da was trying to convince me to go to the party, I would’ve flatly refused. I would’ve just been miserable.

But…Tony had seemed nice. I wasn’t sure… he had honest eyes. Sea-blue eyes. If nothing else, I supposed I could go to the party for a little while, and then leave if it got boring. Da would still be happy, and it wouldn’t be that painful I supposed. Certainly something I could bear if it meant more peace about all the time I spent out on the shore.

I finally looked at Da again. “Ok, I’ll go.”