Chapter 11

I had no idea were I could go. I didn’t have any secret hide away. Then I realized that I may not have one, but Harvey did. I drove to the tree house.

I could smell cigarette smoke as I climbed up the ladder. Harvey had beaten me there.

“Why are you here Asher?” the black haired boy asked as he blew out a puff of smoke. There were tear stains running down his cheeks.

“I had to get away from my mother. I didn’t know you would be here. I can leave if you want me to.”

“No, it’s fine. I was getting lonely anyways,” he smiled some, “You want a coke or something?”

“Sure,” I said I looked at his feet as I finished my climb into the tree house. “Since when have you smoked?”

“I was around twelve when I started. I never told you though. I thought you’d hate me or something. I’ve been smoking more in the last five and a half months or so. It helps with the empty feeling,” he said. He wiped his eyes and grabbed me a coke out of the mini fridge. He opened it for me and handed it over.

I looked at him and smiled, “You remembered.”

“Of course I did. That was the first time we hung out I’ll never forget that.”

“Seriously?” I was surprised. I didn’t know that that afternoon had been so important to him.

“Yeah, of course I remember that day. How could I forget it? That was the day I really fell for you. You were so cute and so afraid. I absolutely loved it.”

I could ell that my cheeks were red. I couldn’t believe what he had just said. I couldn’t even look at him.

“Asher?”

“Yeah?” I looked at him. He was holding a cigarette gracefully between his fingers.

“What are we now? Are we dating or what?”

“No,” I said quickly, “We’re friends, just friends.”

“Okay,” he didn’t look disappointed, “It sounds god to me.”

“Seriously?” I thought he wanted to date.

“Yeah. It’s probably better if we start out friends again. We’ll get to know each other again. I mean we’ve both changed. It’s been almost six months.”

“Yeah, I’m well aware. I just want to know why I still don’t fully understand.”

“I told you I was scared.”

“Of what Harvey? It wasn’t your brother.”

“I guess I just wasn’t as comfortable with being gay as I thought I was. I’ve just been really confused since you. You screwed me up Asher.”

“What are you confused about?” I was curious.

“Well I should say I was confused. Back when I told you that I liked you I wasn’t sure if I really was gay. But that’s in the past. I know now.”

“Did you really have to hurt me to figure yourself out? Was that totally necessary?” my voice was slightly raised.

He shook his head, “No. But you know I won’t hurt you again. I figured it all out.”

“How?”

“I’ve been doing research on being gay. I’ve been reading a lot about it. Plus I’ve been going to GSA at school. I’ve been going since what happened.”

“GSA?” I asked.

“Gay Straight Alliance. It’s a support group. You should go with me. It’s on Tuesdays.”

“I’m not going to that. I have enough to deal with already. Tomorrow is going to be brutal.”

“Please Asher!” he grabbed my arm, “I know you’ll like it. It really helps! You just talk about your problems and stuff. And whatever you say stays in that room.”

“I’m sure,” I said sarcastically.

“Well it must. I’ve been going since I told you that I liked you and no one found out while I was dating Stefanie. So I guess everything does stay in that room.”

“Why do you want me to go? I’m sure you’d have more fun without me there. I’m kind of a downer anyways. You know that,” I started to play with my shoes. I knew he would agree.

“Fuck Asher! Why do you do this? You always put yourself down. I wish you would stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have nothing to be sorry about! You’re nice, you’re smart, not to mention you’re totally gorgeous. I just wish you would stop. You’d be a lot happier.”

I was crying. I was crying because of him again. I stood up, “I’m going to go home. You obviously don’t want me here. I’m not happy enough for you. Maybe we just shouldn’t talk from now on. I can’t make you happy anymore. I just make you angry.”

“Asher—”

“I mean it Harvey. It’s for the best,” I stepped down the ladder after that. I couldn’t be with him, so I went home.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I didn’t cry when I got home. I couldn’t. I was out of tears. I had been crying so much since morning that my body couldn’t take anymore. I went to sleep instead.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

There was a knock at my bedroom door at around 7:00. My mom told me there was someone at the door for me.

“Is it Harvey?” I asked. If it was I wasn’t going down.

“No,” my mother said. She looked at me sternly, “Just go downstairs and get to the door.”

I listened to my mother and hurried down the stairs. I went to the door and almost fainted. Jake McGrath was at my door. I tensed up and shut the door behind me.

“What the fuck did you do to my brother?!” he grabbed the collar of my shirt.

I swallowed hard, “I didn’t do anything,” I was almost crying. I was afraid he was going to hurt me.

“You’re a liar!” he screamed.

“No I’m not!” I was crying now. He let go of me.

“Then why the fuck has Harvey been crying ever since he got home from being with you? He locked himself in his room and he’s refused to talk to anyone.”

“What?” I fell to my knees. Was this true?

“You fucking heard me, you stupid little faggot.”

“Why do you care so much? I thought you hated us both for being gay,” I looked up at him slightly.

He sat down on the front step. He covered his face, “That’s the thing. As sick as I think you two are for being queer together, I hate seeing my brother hurt. I don’t want him to be locked in his room sobbing. It hurts me to see him like that. I’d rather see both of you happy together, that see him miserable without you.”

“Do you really mean that Jake?” I asked.

“If I say yes will you fix things?” he looked at me. There were tears welling in his eyes. He really did care about this.

“I can’t give you a straight to that. Ever since we’ve been talking again, the whole two days of it, we’ve been fighting almost non-stop. I would fix it if I could, but I really doubt I can. I don’t think that I can make him happy anymore. I think we’ve exhausted our happiness together,” I folded my knees to my chest. I hoped that the words coming out of my mouth weren’t true. I didn’t think I could survive without Harvey in my life.

Jake’s eyes were now filled with tears, “Don’t say shit like that! We both know that you two belong together. As much as I hate saying that it’s the unavoidable truth.”

“Are you seriously telling me that you want me and Harvey to be together?” I was shocked.

“Yes,” he wiped his eyes, “I can’t believe I’m crying. You can’t tell anyone about this.” He stood up.

“I won’t tell a soul,” I was afraid to. What would he do to me if I did?

“Just fix things Asher,” he stuffed his hands in his pocket, “I’m asking you as a friend.”

“What?” my face went blank.

“Don’t act so surprised. We might as well be on speaking terms. You’ll probably be at my house all the time anyways. But let’s keep it a secret—”

“Definitely,” I said quickly, “And I’ll do what I can to fix things with Harvey. I hope I can manage.”

“After what I saw last night at prom, I’m sure it won’t be too hard to manage. The kid is crazy about you. Literally,” he smiled and started to walk away, “Thanks for listening to me. You didn’t have to after all I’ve done to you. I’m really sorry for being such a dick to you all these years. You’re actually not half bad.”

I smiled as he walked away. I was glad to have witnessed the real Jake McGrath, the one with a heart. Maybe he and Harvey weren’t as different as I thought.

A/N: Thanks for reading this, but just so you know I have another story that I'm co-authoring with a friend that's on another account. The story is called August and the pen name is Jessie-and-James...I think. Please read it!! Oh and I probably won't be posting as much either... I got in trouble and now I have to sneak on the internet. Well thanks for all the support! Love, James-St.-James

P.S: I know that I posted the above authors note on a different chapter of a different story... Only one person read it.