What Must I See?

In the looking,
Glass,
I am mesmerized,
Transfixed and choking
On the blood.

I tear a strip of mirror
And jerk it up and down
Into my arm, right through.
It spatters me with punch.

It drips from my lips and
My eyes are bulging.

I slip in the puddle,
Thrashing, foaming-
Out of myself in ecstasy,
Seeing me out of
The corner of my eye-
Like a blind man drowning.

Leaping over me, crawling
Under me, wriggling though
Me, screaming in my face,
Don't touch me.

I can't see you and I'm
Blinking back vital fluids.
I howl as my brain begins to
Ooze then gush from my ears,
Lumpy, frumpy like Auntie,
Shooting out like someone in my
Head put a water hose to my
Ear, and I hear the tap,
Drumming, lilting spots
Before my eyes, saying,
Praying to me in a mass
Of tiny, ants colored like
Jellybeans, but praying,
I didn't want to be you.