a fool for a fool

i hope you choke on the words that
are caught in your throat. (you know,
the ones you are too afraid to say.) and
every time i think that i'm ready to give
up on you (and forget everything you've
done), thoughts come rushing back to
me: sad memories of my attempts to
make things better (for the both of us).

i hope you know that i didn't mean
for you to mean this much to me. you
mean(t) so much that even after almost
a year, i still bleed (remembering all the
lies and the way you looked when i told
you about the first scars). and i still can't
believe you haven't done a thing but i
suppose it's what i deserve for trying too
hard when (i'm sure) you didn't want my
help (in the first place and even now).

i'll have to leave this all behind me when
i return. forgetting everything like it never
happened doesn't come easy for (/to) me (and
you should know that by now although forget
-ting seems to be the best thing you can do).

don't believe me when i tell you this
but you'd only be trying to fool yourself.