afraid to pray

i use to believe without a doubt
that He's there
now, now i'm afraid to pray
(not ready to put my necklace away)
afraid to realize that
He might not be there
i am the fucking dark angel/vampire
that disturbs their dreams
am a dark angel because
i still believe in Him
but am afraid of unanswered prayers
i need something to hold onto
something (light) to believe in
that can light my dark world
whether He's there for me
or not i'm afraid to pray;
afraid to ask but
i need Him to be there

note: for any Satanists that might reads this i respect your descion, so please respect mine. but really my whole family is christian and i have worn a crucifixtion on my neck everyday since i was eightand i don't think i wanna change that, please review.