Chapter Two: Growing Up

Journal Entry

July 10, ‘98

Now, why would I kill my best friend? Well here is the story, and after you hear it, tell me whether or not you still judge me for my actions.

Kindergarten:

"Kali, what is the answer?" The teacher called out. I lifted my head to look at her; I sat back a little ways as her eyes bore into me through her thick spectacles. "W-What is the question Mrs. Beck?" I asked timidly.

With exasperation she said, "2 plus 2, what is that equal to?" As those words left her mouth I could feel every kid in the room turn to stare at me, my best friend Meagan tried to mouth the answer, but I couldn't quite make out what she was saying.

"3?" I asked her, hoping that it was the correct answer. But as the word left my mouth, the kids in the classroom burst out into laughter, Meagan turned to glare at them before she looked at me with pity evident in her eyes.

"No Kali, that is not the correct answer, any one else?" She turned and looked over the classroom before her eyes found Meagan, "Ms. Kennedy; do you know the correct answer?"

Without blinking she answered the teacher. "4."

"That is the correct answer, good job Meagan." As those words left her mouth Meagan looked proud of herself. At that moment, I felt a huge dislike for her, something that within many years would increase. Something that would consume me.

Within the years, we became fast friends, but I never forgot the embarrassment that she put me through years before, but I forgave her either way. We both joined the soccer team. It hurt me a little when her family showed up while mine were away, on business trips, or too tired to even try and support me. I hated that, it was at that moment that I felt the first pricks of jealousy grip my soul. It was then that I realized I wanted her family to be my own, and I knew then that they would be. No matter the cost.

I was eight years old then, and that day when enlightenment came to me, I also found an injured bird on the sidewalk, I looked at it with a cold look in my eyes, I stared at it, soon the little bird had Meagan’s face on it. I loathed her; I wanted to hurt her in some way. Maybe, if I killed her she would stop haunting my dreams. So I stepped on her. As I took my foot from the lifeless body, I realized it was still, just a bird. I felt no remorse for the murder, rather, I felt empowered. That was my first look at death, since that day, it became like an obsession.

At the age of eleven, I believe I finally cracked, just a bit. Or so my psychologist tells me. Mr. Hamilton tells me that no human beings, no matter how sick could have done what I did. I say, that at eleven we are still experimenting, and truthfully, that is all I was doing.

Of course, I was experimenting with death, or rather, how to bring death to others.

I started to lure neighborhood cats, stray dogs, the likes, into my house. I would decide, while I cooed into their ears and petted them, on the different ways I could kill them. One of my favorites was to poison them. To put it in their food, and watch them die slowly, painfully, withering and crying in their misery was an ecstasy to me that I could never explain. It was so amazing; it made me feel more alive then anything that I had done before.

Even with all these, other activities, I still found time to play soccer, which made me faster, stronger, more immune. Also, I spent time with my best friend. Deep down I loved her more than anything in the world, thinking on it, I believe that this love stemmed from the obsession I had with her. As I killed the animals on my street, each one was an experiment that I would do, the best way to kill Meagan really.

Long ago I decided the way I was to kill her, now I just do it because it became so joyful, I felt almost lost without it. You may think that I am insane, but at least I knew what I wanted in life. I wanted my best friend out of the family picture, and me in it.

I even cut her head out of pictures and pasted mine on instead.

When we got into junior high school it was quite evident that she was going to be popular with the men, and she was. To them, I was just the ‘best friend,” to her, that was all I was as well. I wanted her attention, I wanted her to remember I was still there. That is, until I decided to end her life. That came a little too soon then I had hoped.

Meagan and I were walking from her room to the stairs when she was telling me of her latest conquest.

Matt

He was the only male I had had an interest in during our high school years, he was the only one to make my blood boil with lust, rather then hatred. As she told me how she was going on her first date with him that night, I snarled.

She looked at me with surprise written across her face, a little fear as well, for me and her were the only ones still in the house.

“Is something wrong Kali?” she asked me with the innocence of a doe.

“You stole him away from me Meagan.” I said to her with a calmness that put her nerves on her sleeve.

“I didn’t know you liked him.” She said.

I almost believed her as her jade eyes looked into mine, their deepness so intense that it stole my breath from my body. This was the last straw though, she needed to understand that I was not to be trifled with.

“He was mine Meagan.” I said, as I walked toward her.

We were at the very edge of the stairs by now, and I slowly pushed her towed the landing. Her eyes widened in her face as her body fell down the steps.

Thump.

Thump.

Her body went down the stairs with sickening sounds. I smiled. Maybe this time she would die.

Of course, my luck never was very good.