Lying on my side, my body felt heavy and relaxed. It was like the quilt where my body layed was creating a hole for me to sink into. I breathed slowly, deeply feeling the cold air of my darkened room rush in and out of my tightening lungs. I could taste and smell the drug as I inhaled…If I wanted to sleep I could just close my eyes, and I would pass out within minutes. But I fought to stay awake, even as the soothing feeling of the chemicals that were spreading through my body and brain seemed to try and force me to doze off. My eyes searched around my lightless room, looking at the black and blue shades of my furniture. The only thing I could really see and focus on was the white face of my clock, seeing it was two am. I wanted to think…I had to keep thinking as if my life depended on it.

When your sober, your thoughts seemed to run through your mind like a train with no track and no destination. The drugs, mostly the weed, changed that for me. It would slow everything down like a traffic light and allow me to actually see them without trailing into another thought. I would think deeper into one thing, understanding whatever concept or theory or fact even more with logical thought.

More often then anything else, their would come the everlasting “what if” questions that anybody can say, and not be called a liar. But these thoughts wouldn’t last long usually…it would end up in the pile of fantasies that were at the back of my memory to be recalled at a later time.

Everything was just really slowed down in the state of mind I was in. You didn’t really care what time it was…only wondered. Sometimes you wouldn’t even care about the things around you. This particular night, all I cared about was thinking where this all happened…why it all happened…