Painful Memories
-What Hurts the Most-

Song title copyrighted by Rascal Flats. (I only used the title for this title. No lyrics.)

x-x

The girl lay down on her bed, her ankle length hair scrunched up behind her, making a pillow. Anyone who saw her could tell that the girl was deep in thought.

‘Why does he make me feel this way? I thought I only felt friendly towards him. But now? Now I just don’t know.’

“Dammit.”

Kisa needed to vent her anger, and not having any spirits to take it out on, she started punching the pillow.

Puff…
Puff…
Puff puff…
Puff…

Until, finally, the pillow burst and out flew a hundred or so feathers.

“Stop… -cough- thinking about… -cough- him! –choke-”

‘Ah! I did it again! No, no, no. Stop thinking out loud! See? This is good, not loud. What you just did? Yeah, that’s bad. Right now, I’m kind of worried about me talking to myself, even if it’s in my head, but I guess that’s better than talking to myself out loud. Like those… urrg! There I go again! Getting off subject…”

Kisa knew she needed to stop thinking aloud… especially with a certain sexy “god” who could hear her with his super sensitive demon hearing.

Great. Just… splendid.

As if on cue, said “god” opened the door.

Kisa groaned.

‘Oh no…’

She adverted her gaze to the floor, not wanting to meet his overconfident gaze and his lecherous grin. He made a weird sound, that can’t really be described. Best she could do was say it kind of sounded like strangled dog growling, but she wasn’t really sure herself. So, when she heard the weird noise, she looked up against her own judgment.

She winced when she saw his face. Yes, winced.

For his face wasn’t one of seduction. Or even confidence. Oh, yes, it was surprisingly one of extreme…

…anger.

Kisa had rarely seen Motoku angry in all the years she’s lived with him. ‘Ah! Oh no, oh no, oh no! He heard me? I bet he did… He probably doesn’t want me thinking of him in that way. Damn! Stupid bad habits!’

“I’m s-sorry Motoku… I… well, I… I didn’t mean to! Say it out loud, I mean! It’s ok… if y-“

“Whom were you talking about?” he asked in a deadly voice. Ok, even his teasing perverted tone was better than this.

What was wrong with him?

“I… errmmm… well. Who…?”

Should she tell him that she was thinking of him? Should she risk it? She didn’t know her own feelings, let alone admitting them out loud. Should she just say someone else? Bob? Rob? Bobby Rob Ranger? Her mind went into overtime thinking of what to say.

“Who. Was. It. You. Were. Talking. About?” he ground out in acut sentence, in that tone.

Would he hurt her if she told Motoku it was him she was thinking about? He certainly looked mad enough.

‘What did I do that was so wrong?’ she thought heatedly, not for the first time in the past five minutes. It scared her how he was talking, when usually he was all laughs and fun. She didn’t like this side of Motoku, and found herself thinking that she didn’t really fancy seeing it again.

“Uhh… ermm… w-well, what d-do you mean? I mean, I d-don’t know what you’re talking about! I mean - eeeek!”

Kisa cut off her sentence when he gave her a glare from Motoku.

‘It could freeze hell over', she thought.

And she wasn’t kidding one bit.

“Answer the damn question, Kisa.”

Now she was really scared. Motoku never cussed. Even when he tripped over the occasional electric cord, or when he accidentally touched the burner while cooking. Never. Why was he so mad?! It hurt her like nothing else could, and gripped at her heart.

‘Will the only person that accepts my true form hurt me? Like everyone else has...?’ she thought, now truly scared. Only one person accepted her hanyou state, for he was a hanyou himself.

‘I mean, who else could except a purple headed, freak with ears and a tail?’ She could feel unshed tears growing at the corners of her eyes, but she didn’t want him to see them. Although, in the teeny tiny corner of her mind that still had common sense, she knew that he could smell her tears, since his hanyou self had excellent smell, hearing, and instinct. But, she was too distressed and hurt to pay even the slightest bit of attention to that part of her mind. She tried to act tough. Tried being the key word.

“What’s it to you?” Kisa demanded in a shaky voice, which turned out not very intimidating at all. More like a wavering note.

‘At least he’s still in the doorway, a good distance away.’ Kisa thought happily. Well, not very happily, because she was scared, shaking, and hurt at the moment. But as happily as she could manage come the current situation.

“What’s it to me. What’s it to me? What is it to me?!” he asked her, his voice deadly calm at the beginning, but volume rising with each word. Kisa’s eyes got wider when he took a step closer, keeping eye contact with her, his mouth in a thin line. His eyes narrowed, light blue slits staring angrily at her.

Kisa looked down at her hands, his stare becoming too much for her. She realized she was shaking pretty bad, but wasn’t very surprised. Right now Motoku was scaring the shit outta her. She looked at him, fear filling her eyes. Kisa dreaded the thought that he could turn into a full demon. Motoku had told her that before... what was it he had said?

"When a hanyou gets mad enough... he can turn into a full demon, losing all sense of reasoning; turning into a creature of violence,"

…Would Motoku really hurt her?

As she stared at him, eyes widened with dread, a tear made it’s way from her eye. Her eyes shifted downward with shame immediately after she realized it escaped. She hadn’t cried since… then. Since she lost everything. Was she losing Motoku too?

He was the only one she had now…

Even though she was fast at hiding her face, Motoku still caught the escaped tear. His eyes stopped staring accusingly at her, returning to normal size, and guilt entered them. He studied her, and saw her shaking form.

‘She was shaking…?’

Motoku could also smell her fear, now that his anger wasn’t controlling him. He rushed over to Kisa, and pulled her body into a warm embrace. Motoku cringed as she flinched when he touched her.

“Kisa! I-I’m… I di-I didn’t mean… I’m so, so sorry…”

He tightened his grip protectively as he felt her sobs against his body.

“Shhh… it’s ok… I’m so sorry! Kisa… I wasn’t thinking. I knew I smelled something, it was salty, yes, and you were starting to cry, yes. But, I was getting mad, and you know how I get when I’m mad! Well, you don’t, because I haven’t got mad in a while…”

He stopped and took a deep breath, and smiled shakily as he noticed she had stopped crying, and was now breathing heavily and hiccupping.

“I was getting mad, but I didn’t mean to make anything of it! I was just jealo—I mean, I was just… just… I’m just really sorry, Kisa. I feel horrible about making you cry. You know I hate it when you cry. Or even the thought of making you cry! I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry…”

The girl against him heard the sincerity in his voice and smiled against his chest. She wrapped her arms against his abdominal area, and breathed in deeply, inhaling his scent that was uniquely his. He smelled like… forests. And wild berries. She could smell him before today, before now, but now that she was in close proximity like this, it seemed to intensify. It helped that her senses had increased ten-fold, also.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad being hanyou.

It did mean she got to be with Motoku…

Motoku laughed, hearing her breath in deeply against his stomach.

‘Was she smelling me?’ He asked himself with a smile. She had definitely stopped crying, and he could feel her arms around him.

‘Kami, I hate when she’s scared. That feeling intensifies when the thing she’s scared of is me… horrible feeling. Ah, this feels so nice… and she smells like… vanilla… raspberry…’

He smiled even bigger, as he caught himself smelling her also. But he did it more discreetly. His inner self chuckled.

“Ah, so you like smelling me, ne? How about we make a little deal, Kisa. I’ll give you permission to smell me whenever if you promise me that you’ll never cry again.” He silently added ‘And I can get to hug you like this whenever.’ But he dared not enter that terriotory. “Deal?”

Motoku could hear her muffled laughter, along with feeling it rumble against his body. He smirked as he regained his perverted thoughts, and lay down on the bed, pulling her down with him.

He ignored her, “Eeeep!” and got in a comfortable position, with her laying against his chest. Kisa looked up at him through her violet, long hair, and blinked rapidly as she saw his light blue eyes turned upwards in a gentle smile. She felt warmth coursing through her, and briefly wondered what is was. He put her head against his chest again, slowly, and put his chin atop her head. He started to stroke her dark purple-violet hair, marveling at how long, silky, and beautiful it was.

Motoku felt her heart rate speed up as he ran his fingers through the silky strands, and smirked. That was him that was making her heart race. Not the other guy that she was talking about. He frowned, and his arms stilled, thinking about that ‘guy’. Who was he? Was he from her high school? He tried to tell her he was jealous, that’s why he got mad, but he just couldn’t say it.

‘Was she in love with this guy?’ His heart constricted painfully as he thought this. He pushed his thoughts away as he saw her look up at him with her light-colored purpleish blueeyes. He smiled at her, a true genuine smile that lit up his features. He pushed her head back down again, and rubbed her ears this time. She started to purr, sounding like the cat hanyou she was. Her purr vibrated throughout his body, giving him warm sensations. He continued rubbing her ears – fighting back the urge to moan - until her purring slowed, and eventually faded as her breathing evened out. He then went to stroking her hair.

Motoku looked at her with loving eyes, as his tail wrapped around her involuntary.

‘Huh… wonder why it did that…?’ he asked himself.

He felt himself getting sleepy, and soon drifted off after his last thought.

‘Mmmm… vaaanilla…’

-x-

AN: -toddles up- I’m so tired. I already wrote this chapter with the first, now I’m editing. I really hope this story is a success. I worked hard on it.

Oh, and the big brother I mentioned this chapter…? Last…? He will be playing a big role. And you don’t know me, so I will warn you now. I love jealousy and love triangles. I am so evil. –laughs-

Please review?
(Give me suggestions, too!)