A/N: This really isn’t a story but my friends have told me multiple times to post these… I figure they might amuse someone.

My friends say the most fucked over things ever… I love them.

I haven’t bothered to change their names… I’m the amy one, btw. Skippy is the shea one. Laura reviewed on SAA as snack…

Quotes

“One of those generic preppy guys, they all seem the same to me.” Gina

“Sexy eyebrow space!”Mary

“We’re going for… sexy asian man!” Flora on Ali’s eyebrows

REGICAL: adj; to be reasonable and logical

“Exciting days should be followed by exciting nights! I don’t wanna just go home and go to sleep.” Amy

“And…. BOOM. The school will be cancelled and we’ll all go home to art club.” Shea in hysterics

Teacher: “What’s the American dream?” Zoya: “FLYING!!” (flapping arms wildly)

“Bunny CHERRIES?!?” Shea

“Somebody has intestinal boobs?” Shea

“Give me my freaking book!!! ….please.” Amy

A tie eye intestinal bunny cherries Alison

Naughty Mouse! Zach Buhs

“Get down here right now, Satan Unti Christ! And stop stabbing yourself with the scissors!” Amy, Mary

“I wanted a fuck me outfit, but then I realized that would be naked.” Zoya

“The dance of the sex bird.” Zoya

“Cold in the winter, hot in the summer. It’s just like sleeping in the nude.” Ali on TMB uniforms

“Mmm… Butter.” Ali (randomly)

“You should be like a rabbit. Do what we say, and reproduce.” Shea

“Did you just gay at me?!” Mary

“Is your backpack depressed?” Shea, Mary

“Hey, ! You should run for President!” Gina to nifty sub

“I’ll just assume people either have hair or are bald.” Amy (or have plants, or ribbon, or desks, ect…. According to mary.)

“Real life slash! George Washington x Lincoln!” Zoya

“We should pimp out our xangas!” Mary

“It’s a religious thong.” Shea

“There should be no whoo. Only man.” Shea

“They just leave them to rot!” Mary on descramineshun uhgenst ded peepl

“You’re a retarded masochistic asian smurf lady.” Mary to Zach (note: this may get longer.)

“Hey, Mr.E-grr!” Mary

“I’m not calling them names, I’m giving them adjectives.” Mary

“Say no to Jesus, say yes to strippers. That’s how to lead a holy life.” Mary

“I’m righteous reindeer. I prance with a purpose. That’s why everyone should become a reindeer and join my curry cult, where we worship curry in it’s purest form.” Mary

“Besides, you’re prettier than him” Zoya to Ali

“Because that’s what heaven is… watching God poledance.” Mary, Shea, Gina, Laura

“Now would you like to grope the preist?” Mary

“Every time an angel falls, God gets prettier.” Mary, Zoya, Amy

“The snexiness!” Amy, Mary, Zoya

“If they had arms, they’d choke you in your sleep!” censored to Mary on walls

“Why don’t you say the obvious one and say that I’m wearing women’s clothing?!” censored to Devon

“It’s like a phone number. Only sexier.” Claire

“Montag x Beatty slash!” Mary

“Are you implying that I have FACIAL HAIR?!” Mary to Flora (beatles)

“It’s cold. It’s yummy. It’s Mr. Stalker Man!” Amy, Laura

“Garlic! And cheese! And sugar! Oh my!” Shea, Ali

“Can you bring cameras?” Gina on beaches in France

“There are lots of things you can be arrested for that aren’t GINA!” Laura, Shea

“Amy! Let’s frolic in the snow later!” Ali

“You mean he’s going to sexually harass the world?” Laura (2nd vampire game)

“She eats bolts and bangs people for lunch?!” shea

“You’re the heir of the coconut tree mommy!” Amy (about trashcan)

“Sir Mary of the Springy Legs, Sir Laura, the not quite so leggy as Sir Mary, Sir Amy the unpure, Sir Flora who bodes, Sir Zoya of the bean fields.” Mary, Shea, Zoya, Amy, Laura, Flora

“The Holy Booze Man!” Laura, Mary

“I wants me some holy booze!” Mary

“Breadlight!” Zoya

“Close your kitty-cat!” Ali “It’s funny because it’s true!” Amy

“God is a do-it-yourself kind of person.” Laura

“It’s like… walking into another room.” Amy on her room

“My grandfather stole Zoya’s coconut tree.” Mary

“Rape should be banned, with exceptions.” Amy

“There was a farmer had a dog

"And Marcy was his namey!

M-A-R-C-Y! M-A-R-C-Y!

M-A-R-C-Y!

And Marcy was his namey!”

repeat until you drop dead of exhaustion

“And the lord shot forth four forks from the heavens.” Mary

Descramineshun Uhgenst Ded Peepl Bye Amy Olsen

I choze descramineshun uhgenst ded peepl for mi topik. I choze it cuz it is bed. It iz bed cuz dey leve dem tew rawt. My granpu daid and den we jus burnd him. Mi mom kalld it kreamashun. I tink et wuz meen. And den tey hid mi Jerbail undr te grownd. Yasterdey mi bruter tould mi tew gow dai. I tink dat iz descramineshun uhgenst ded peepl. Descramineshun is wrawng. Et maiks peepl saud. In kuhnklooshun, ded peepl shud b treetd lik peepl two. And I wunt mi Jerbail bak.

“It’sLeFunch! (We put the fun in lunch!)” Laura

“You could call it a club… a bar… a strip joint… the silver bullet… or a retirement home.” Ali, Amy, Shea, Zoya local strip club thingy here in my town

“I’m a sleaze whore for women.” Zoya

“I wanna run you over like an animal.

I want to see all of your insides.

Your whole existence is gone.

I got you closer to god!” Amy and Zoya

“Sir Shea of the Cheeseknife Shea and Sir Gina of the Poofy Hair Gina” Shea

“Mommy! Guess what I learned from Auntie Flora today!” Gina, about Laura’s future children (flora is the more ‘gothic’, dark person in our group)

“I’m having an affair with the little man in my hand.” Ali

“Eek!... I dropped my boobs.” Jessie

“Yanno, pedophile should mean “love of feet”.” “Yes. It should.” Laura, Shea

“Fudginition!” Shea

“Warning: Satan Inducing.” Mary

“Do you have too much Satan in your life? Well, balance it out with our new God pills!” Mary

“Clint Eastwood’s ponch offends ’s not flattering at all.” Mary

“It’s alright, you can feel my fuzzy!” Shea

“Do you eat cheerios? Because you’re good for my heart.” Vincent (aka Vicky), Mary, Amy … we were talking about pick-up lines.

“Do you eat cornflakes? Because you’re corny.” Vicky, Mary

(idea here, no specific person) Horror Movie: The Papercutter

“It’s like a sprinkler, only chunky!” Shea and lily about projectile vomiting

Person in my biology class: If you saw your sister in a whore house ‘servicing’ someone, what would you do? My biology teacher: Slap her for taking my customers.

“We’re going to find out Trent Reznor’s underwear size!” Mary, Shea… they wanted to buy him a present, methinks…

“Feel my earlobe.” Mary

“If Trent Reznor’s dick were a cow, it would be never big.” Mary, Amy, Shea… this connects with my teddy bear, sir sex, who has a cow as a penis, and with my infamous “cows are really big” comment.

“Holy barnacles, Batman! Angst! :points:” Laura

“I can’t hide my body from you!” Amy (to Mary)

“It’s a clean situation with Derick.” Mary, Amy

“I’m a pacifist with scissors.” Mary

“I do want to see the platypus pole dancing.” Shea

“We’re ALL God’s platipi!” Laura

“That scarf wants to fuck itself like an animal, it wants to feel itself from the inside.” Mary

“WWBDO? – who would Buddha do over?” Shea, Mary

Flora: Pregnancy tests are not for eating! No! Mary: And how would you know?

“You’re male pregnancy?!” Mary

“Your scarf is having horrible/wild monkey sex with itself.” Mary

“the other day

We bought some fish

The other

Day we bought some fish

We bought a snail

Some plants

And a lightbulb

The other day we bought some fun

Dad a dun dun dun”

Flora (to the tune of when the saints come marchin’ in”

“Shakespeare AKA God.” Amy

Shea: What does a head/shoulder set produce? Ali: A chin! Mary: And that’s how humans got their chins.

MaryxZoyaxZoyaxMaryxcandlesxdancinginthestreetxballoonsxslasha rockin’ good itme! Zoya, Amy, Ali

“OMG! German people doing ebonics! Vo Schnitzel!” Mary (before those german people car commercials came out…)

“Oh, I’m hungry all over.” Laura

“Heroin! What are you talking about?” Gina

Mrs.----bandparent---: Could you talk about sex any more in the mornings and evenings?! Band: Yeah, want us to? (immediately starts telling sex jokes)

“You look like Johnny Depp on a crack binge.” Keegan to Ali

“I had fun with yo plastic momma last night!” Katie

“Alison’s belly button is like a coin slot, you stick a coin in and you get a fun ride.” Katie

“I have Satan resting in my bosom.” Gina

“I’ve been given a lap dance by a banana!” Laura

“And they get all soft and mushy when you put them in wet places!” Mary (on Graham crackers)

“What we learned in GSA today: When you do backflips, you’re invisible.” shea, I think…. It’s not listed.

“Don’t go ripping up people’s flesh! It’s rude.” Gina

“You’re full of issues. You are an issue.” censored to flora

“I think he’s ADHD.” Mary

“Well, I think you’re ABCD!” Zach

“My grandma has testicular cancer.” Flora

“She’s a living fossil.” Mary, age 15… (oO why the hell did we list her age in my quote notebook?)

“Care about my problems! Care that I might be slightly psychotic! Care about me!!!” :spaz, spaz: Laura’s famous emo rant

A/N: and so… the funny thing is… some of us are Christian.