« All men are alone » - Saint-Éxupery, Le Petit Prince

There’s a lot of emptiness in me. It isn’t very easy to see, because there’s a bit of shell around the emtpiness, but a shell only contains it so it doesn’t spill out to others. It doesn’t eliminate it.

Sometimes I wake up and look in the mirror and expect to see a huge hole in m middle, from just beneath my belly button to my solar plexus.

I can feel the emptiness, but I can’t see it. I know it’s there.

I’m a loner.

And in my way, I think I might be the best loner of them all. Because I have friends. But I’m still alone.

If you really think about it. Deeply, I mean ; leave your tedious occupations behind and think.

Aren’t you all alone ?

We live in a society where we call people we’ve known a day our friends. Because we laugh with them and have a good meal.

But really, we’re alone. I know this. Because I am the best loner of them all.

I go to school every day and laugh and smile with people. We make dirty jokes, share food money and chicks. I’ve known Jimmy Peterson for twelve years – since we were five.

We have eaten lunch together every day since.

He isn’t my friend.

Leave your ideas of love and hate behind, because we both know they’re useless and obnoxious.

If you ever had a friend you could say absolutely everything to, and I mean everything. Because complaining about how much your life sucks and discussing the way you sometimes wonder about slicing through a cup with a knife because you don’t believe in your reality are two obscenely different things. (However the law of physics states that slicing through a teacup with a knife is possible, it’s just not easy). If you ever did, if you are thinking of telling me you have, then you aren’t thinking hard enough.

You know when you go through all the motions of your life, and you see shadows in people eyes, where you know they’re thinking things about you hat they won’t say to your face. Or do you ever suspect that it is all a lie and everybody really hates you ?

I feel like that everyday.

I don’t truly love or hate anyone, nor do I have real friends. I ackowledge the fact that I don’t understand what those things mean, and that I will in time, but that the reality of it is beyond most of our grasps, so far has our society gone.

For that reason, and that reason alone. I am the greatest loner of them all.