I don't remember the last time I was nervous
my hands throb with the effort of stillness
and I wish I didn't say I'd do it
I glance around at this place here
watching silently the miss matched decorative wall coverings
and I slid my fingers into his
thinking he might still them
thinking I need a cigarette
so I can smoke my nerves away
all the words they are saying wash over me
hitting me as waves
but not penetrating
and I can't help but compare my words to theirs
can't help but deflate in my competitiveness
its not a competition
I'm not running a race here
but I still feel my old desire to be approved of flare up inside
and it stays with me long after we've left
the coffee shops miss matched decorations
its with me always I suppose
my insecurity so heavy a burden
I lay it on everyone else
but I have nothing to do with them
and inside the walls of the coffee shop I start to realize
it doesn't matter whose better
only that we have something to say
something to share
something to scream to the stars outside
something all our own to believe in
ourselves