I wrote this short story a long time ago, and Ijust threw a bunch of words together for the poem during classsince I was so bored,so my writing has hopefully improved. As for my other story, Crystal Mirrors, I'm not going to update for a while since I'm really busy and am trying to finish both the chapters for Crystal Mirrors and my fanfic. This story may sound a little strange since near the end, I realized I was afraid I was going to get too depressing so I added the hope part so I wouldn't get a bad grade.

Deep Within

Lost. Betrayed. Broken. Anguish.

I mentally berated myself for befriending them. I should have known. I should have seen it. How could I have let this happen? I practically had a “pretend to be my friend and backstab me” sign on. I sat on the ground, the chair as my fort, as the walls that protected me from the outside world. I had bitterly muttered incoherent things under my breath. I suppose you think I’m insane, right? The truth was I didn’t know anymore. I had leaned slightly back against the chair, quiet and unnoticed in the darkness, blending in. Again, fear trickled into me from my bottle where my emotions are kept. I was becoming more and more afraid. If I was afraid, I wouldn’t be hurt so easily, I had reasoned as a child. Now it’s too late.

Time was supposed to heal all wounds, but they never did. I was a shadow of what I once was. I had rehearsed for so long, but now, it was no longer an act. I attempted to act cheerful and bubbly and now, it isn’t an act. It was distorted what little personality I have left, until the twisting broke them apart. Now, I’m completely random, unable to decide how I want to be. Each personality takes place of another, as if I was always so strange and twisted. My soul seems to have died, yet I’m still here. Perhaps, my soul is still there. I’m probably just numb, but if that is true, why do I cry? Why do I feel? This nightmare never seems to end, but then I realize, I’m not sleeping.

I seem to be trapped in never ending darkness, but I don’t mind. I’d rather be alone, working with others is okay, but being alone is sometimes better. Life is like a test, and I’m failing it. I’m so confused, which path do I take? Which side do I choose? What should I do? So confused, but I dared not show even a little of it, until now. I have many trials and I must do what I must. Life seems so short, yet so long. I must make the most of it.

I don’t care about that anymore. I know I have been thought as insane, but I don’t care anymore. Sure, I still have walls and my world I built to escape the nightmares of my life, but whenever a trial comes, I always remember. I still have trials and always will, but I don’t care that much about my personalities or what others think of me.

But as I sink deeper into depression, something pulls me out, slowly but surely. Something that makes me feel like I was worth something again, something that makes me happier, something that helps me stay alive. It told me that I have a place in this world;it told me that suicide was a foolish way of dying when I had so much to do. This feeling, this indescribable feeling of warmth and happiness. I haven’t felt this way in such a long time, but something inside, me, something deep within, it reminds is hope.

I remember the Greek myth about Pandora’s box. When Pandora opened the box, all the plagues like jealousy, hatred, and many, many more poured out, but there was something thing left in the box. Hope. Pandora closed the lid so that it wouldn’t come out. She carried it for it would not have survived out there by itself. Hope. It would help us make life bearable. Life will carry on and hope will lead us on. No matter what, there will always hope.

Fluttering Deep Within

Dreams no longer mattered

My soul so cruelly shattered

My trial far much sadder

As the blood tears simply patter

But for growth this must be

For safe within Hope flutters in me