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First story I ever finished. I had deleted this from fp because it was posted as a one shot and had no reviews and really needed a bit of a touch up. I'm re reading it and fixing it up a bit, so as I get somewhere that will work as a chapter I will post it.
Please leave a review and let me know what you think
We live for work, we live for love and to find love, we live for our kids, our parents our spouses, we live...with out questions.
There are those for who living for is not good enough anymore. They are tired of reasons, and start to question them. They set out for answers and weather they live, die or just float through their lives depends on how they face the answers they encounter.
Gina set herself out on this search at a young age. Why she starts to question our place or better said her place in this planet? Some say a simple chemical imbalance in her brain is to blame. But if so, why didn't the medicine work? Maybe it was a broken heart or strong deception. Could she just one day woken up and seen how senseless our routines are, how easily she wasted her lives, how all the reasons we come up with to continue living are really not worth our breaths. We live for them but with out us their course through this world would continue with out a glitch. I believe it was all of the above.
A wasted young life. How can this come to be? Perhaps through our eyes her life wasn’t wasted, it simply was beginning. She was studying, not a bad student not a great student; she didn’t play sports always afraid of failing; she took piano lessons, violin lessons, guitar lessons, and quit them all after a month sometimes even a week; she had friends, lots of friends as long as she dressed like them talked like them and agreed with them, she was in love. A normal teenage live... right?
Gina came home very exited one day. She had met the love of her life, she told her mom, and her mom hugged her “you are too young for that.” But Gina was certain we were made for each other. She told her mom almost everything about me leaving "small" details out like my age and that I was done with high school.
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How did we meet? At a teenagers church, the mall.
I don't think I was a bad kid, but Gina had her reservations. It was hard for her to bring home a tattooed and pierced guy, who lived on his own. She didn’t think her parents would welcome me into their family with out a fight. Gina knew her parents would not like me. And since they never asked to meet me, and soon simply forgot about my existence, it was simple to keep me a secret.
We had seen each other a couple times before. But never talked or paid much attention to each other or at least I didn't look twice at her before. There was something different about her that day. She had grown. She no longer was the little girl I’d seen holding her mothers hand. She was the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on.
At the check out counter she had the new teeboys CD and I had the new Linkin Park. “Their coming to concert” she finally said, with such composure that you would almost think she was very confident when she really was terrified.
Well that sparked a long conversation that ended up at the food court were I bought her and her friends some vanilla ice cream. Once we started talking we barely agreed on anything but yet we didn’t fight, we could talk for hours, I could hear her talk for hours, I could just watch her forever. But my heart and brain were in a struggle my heart gave it self completely to her and my brain yelled HOW old is she, STOP! Something sparked that day.
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We kept seeing each other every other day. She never told her parents she was seeing me. They knew where she was just not with whom. They saw the symptoms she was distracted, she had the smile and the look that they knew very well since 20 years ago they wore it proudly around their parents. But they didn't want to accepted the fact that their baby girl was in love, it could not be admitted, it meant she had grown, it meant they would have to share her, it meant they were getting old. It no longer was their turn it was hers and in their world it was only their love and keeping that love fresh that counted. They couldn‘t focus on teenage love now, at least not their daughters, so they simply dismissed it ignored it.
Eventually I had to ask her age. I wished she'd lie, but knew her well enough to know she wouldn't. When she saw my face she knew to expect the worst. She was hurt by my reaction. I asked her age because I desired her so strongly. I knew that her age would be a problem; I knew her parents would be against it. Why else would she hide our friendship from them? I tried to approach her mother one day at the mall just to ask her how Gina was, but when she saw me coming near she clench her purse and ran away from me. They would never accept me.
Gina leaned towards me and gently kissed me goodbye on the lips, our first kiss and her first kiss. She stood up and walked away. I sat there knowing I was watching my heart walk away. I loved her I really did, but I wasn’t ready for the fight, and she wasn’t ready for this kind of relationship.
I didn’t see her till school started. I drove by there almost every day for a month hoping to get a glimpse of her, I kind of felt like a stalker. I saw her twice she was beautiful, she was happy and I thought she had probably forgotten me by then.
I slept with many different women in an attempt to forget her; none ever made me feel as great as she did; none filled me like she did. I’d close my eyes and imagine it were her lips I was kissing, her skin I was stroking, and her hair I smelled. I woke up disgusted at myself, feeling bad for the women that laid beside me, trying to figure out the closest and fastest exit.