A/N: my first posted ficcy on this site. herm, i like adjectives......cantcha tell? this was a bit disturbing for me to look back on after my fit of inspiration, but what do you think? rated T only out of caution, for non-explicit sensory content (sorrie, guys, no secks in this one) and without further ado..........

these terrible words

these words
are poison.
acrid, acid rain,
dripping
in unstoppable torrents
from
my lips,
swishing
around my tongue
like
viscous, bitter, sour, amber honey
pouring
over anyone
and everyone
dissolving
their defenses
one layer
at a time.

these words
are a horde of bees.
buzzing agitatedly
in my throat,
stinging my tongue
swelling my cheeks
and pushing
at my lips
until
my mouth
pops open,
and then
they swarm out,
zigzagging violently
in all directions,
stinging
anyone
who comes too close.

these words
are cesspool
of rancid stink
within me,
filling my mouth,
overwhelming my lungs
until I vomit,
until it surges
uncontrollably
from somewhere
deep
in the pit of me,
spewing this rot,
this putrid decay,
spraying it everywhere,
coughing it up,
spitting it out.

these words
infect my mouth,
turning
my tongue
to malleable rot,
decaying
my teeth,
searing my lips
with
unspeakable pain,
unthinkable pain,
unknowable pain.

these words
slash
the insides
of my throat,
brambles-briars-nettles
shredding
my vocal chords
until
they’re a mess,
choking me
with
tangy-salty-sweet
blood.

i splutter.

my blistered lips
shudder
painfully
against
one another,
fighting
what seems
inevitable.

bile
rises
in my
poor, bloody
throat,
trying
to corrode
these words
before
they can escape.

my teeth
clamp down
on my tongue,
while
these words
make it
writhe,
thrash
in anguish,
trying
to be rid of
them,
these parasitic words
that gorge
themselves
on my succulent flesh,

eat-
eat-
eating away.

they blister,
they burn.
they scorch,
sear.
sting.
tear.
defile.
contaminate.
infest.
rankle.
inflame.
chafe.
aggravate.
INFURIATE.

they are acerbic.
they are repulsive.
they don’t belong
to me,
i swear.

they’re borrowed,
i promise,

from someone
else.

they’re
filthy,
cowardly,
vile,
depraved,
revolting,
noxious,
dreadful,
horrid,
hideous,
abhorrent,
malicious,
venomous,
immoral,
malevolent.

no creation
of mine,
you see.

and now,
here
they
come

to crawl under
your skin,

to fester at
your innards,

to rot
your guts.

and forgive
me.

i’m
so sorry,

i
wasn’t strong
enough,

i
couldn’t hold them
back.

i
couldn’t help
myself:

‘i.’
(and i’m so sorry)

‘hate.’
(and it hurts so bad)

‘you.’
(oh thank god)

(oh. thank. god.)

and it’s over.

but truly,
it’s really
only
just
begun.

again.

because they’re
quicksand,

unstoppable,
sucking you
down,
away
from the light.

and
they
always
will,
until
we can
face
them
with

LOVE

shining
in our eyes,
in our hearts;
spilling
from our tongues,
off our lips;
clinging
to our hope,
dragging it back
towards our souls.

until
WE
can
hold it
in our outstretched
hands.

love is not words.

©May 2006