”Anger is only a letter short of Danger.”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

The Young and the Hopeless

This is the story of one they all used to call Tynoshi Shinwa. He got to be 16 years old and all he ever wanted was to die. This is the story based on the best day of his life. The day when he got his wish fulfilled.

The daylight seared in through the window. The pale ray that shone past the curtains fell directly on the bed where a teenage boy was slowly waking up.

He groaned and pulled the comforter down from where it had been covering his head and revealed a mop of blue tangled hair. He sat up and yawned while looking out the window. Small silvery-white snowflakes filled the air, led into a waltz by the wind. The sky was cloudy, only letting through a few pale rays of sunshine.

It was winter. The best season of the year if he got to choose.

The blue haired boy smiled to himself as he stood up and strode across the room towards his closet. Pulling out a pair of black jeans, a white T-shirt and his black leather trench coat, he sighed and began to dress, slowly. He wasn’t in any hurry for two reasons. First, it was Christmas break which meant he had very much the time to do whatever he wanted; and second, downstairs was his father, a workaholic and middle-aged man with serious drinking problems who really didn’t like the way his son had changed in the past few years and seemed to enjoy starting fights concerning that topic. He was definitely a man you didn’t want to be around for too long.

When he was fully dressed the boy turned towards the mirror and frowned at his own reflection.

Okay so maybe he liked his dyed dark blue hair and icy blue eyes. Maybe even the small ‘x’ shaped scar on his right cheek, but there were still a few less appealing parts of his body. For one: He was way too thin, even he himself thought so, but still he could never get the appetite to eat when in school or around his father.

Other than that he thought that he nose was way to big, especially since some of the tougher kids in school had broken it, and his eyebrows were way too bushy. Also he kind of looked like a girl.

Those last three things were stuff that the kids at school always loved to pick on.

By his sixth year in the hell also known as school he had learned to ignore the snide remarks and then when he turned 16 he had started his own little teenage rebellion.

He had done the piercings first since they were the ones his father were least likely notice, but after a while he had also dyed his hair blue and started to only wear black clothes.

These new changes had started an argument between his father and him and he got grounded for a month. Not that he really cared; he didn’t have any reasons to go out anyway.

Hi father soon realized that he wasn’t going to change back and said he was allowed to go out whenever he didn’t have homework. He still chose to fight with his son about it every so often, though. ‘Strange man… my father…’

With a loud sigh the teen turned around and picked up his CD player and laptop from the desk. He put the headphones around his neck and his laptop in his book bag before opening the door to hell.

“Tynoshi! Come! Sit! Eat!” Mr. Shinwa was already sitting at the kitchen table. In front of him on the table stood only his untouched coffee cup but nothing to eat. It wasn’t a surprise for the blue-haired boy. Ever since his mother had died neither of them wanted to cook, so usually they went separate ways and ate out.

“Eh… No thanks dad! I got to go!” As quick as possible Ty turned on his CD player and rushed out the door.

Finally he was free. He was free to do whatever he wanted.

The snow on the ground was deep, but the sky had almost cleared completely. He was walking through the park heading towards his favorite spot, a bench near the pond almost completely hidden behind several Sakura trees. It was a place he had found when he was 14 and he had come here ever since to think.

With a sigh he sat down at the bench and pulled out his laptop. He opened up Microsoft Word and after a few minutes of thought he started typing on what was supposed to be his latest entry to his online journal.

Every now and then he would look up at the people passing by.

Happy couples, groups of friends, families and occasionally an old woman with her dog. Not once would they turn and look back at him. He was used to it, no one ever noticed him however hard he might try to get their attention.

“Leave me alone!” A girl’s voice? He looked up again. A girl was held against her will by a guy Ty recognized as Satoshi Harada, the leader of the most feared gang in town. He was the one who gave Ty the most trouble in school.

“C’mon y’know ya don’t wanna leave me!” Harada slurred. Ty sighed, that guy was hopeless when he was drunk. “Reika don’t walk away from me!” So the girl used to be his girlfriend? Go figure. Girls always fall for guys like that… And then later on - they always regret it. ‘Pathetic…’ Was the first thought that popped up in his mind. ‘Guys should be tall, dark and handsome. A nice personality is always a plus though…’

“Let go of me Sato!” Reika shouted but Harada still held onto her with his left hand, and his right was raised in the air ready to hit. Practically jumping of the bench Ty was ready to stop that hand but before he could do anything there was suddenly a dark blur covering his sight of view.

“Leave her alone.” A low voice growled and Tynoshi noticed that there was another guy that had stepped into the picture. He was tall with black hair and clothes and he was wearing black eyeliner. To say the least, he was hot. Maybe I haven’t told you this yet, but Ty is homosexual.

“Oh go mind your own business for once To-bi.” Harada spat angrily.

“This is my business Harada.” The dark-haired one said, his hands curling into fists at his sides.

“Fucking fag! Why don’t you just scurry of and fuck the first guy you can find as usua—“ A fist connected hard to Satoshi Harada’s jaw and it sent him hard to the ground. Both Reika and the Goth turned in surprise towards a fuming Tynoshi who was angrily massaging his fist. Sure he might not look much but when he was younger his father had him go to a few Aikido lessons. Thanks to those lessons he had been able to keep the idiots at school at bay between classes.

He looked down at the slightly disoriented bully on the ground and frowned. He didn’t think he had hit him that hard. Not at the least caring that Harada got up again, he looked down annoyingly at his own aching fist.

“You just wait kid. You should’ve just minded your own business. I’ll be back, better watch your back.” Harada snarled making Ty look up again.

“Yeah, yeah. The usual threats. Never come up with anything new do you? Besides you know that you could never take me on alone. You’re too scared.”

“Fucking kid! You just wait.” With that the gang leader turned on his heel and moved angrily down the path. Ty just flashed the retreating form a rude gesture involving his middle finger before turning his attention to his abandoned things on the bench.

“Hey you!” He swirled around quickly and couldn’t help but look surprised. That Gothic guy was coming towards him. He wanted to talk to him? Ah right, he helped them… But still why would anyone want to talk to him? “Hey, you in there?”

Ty snapped up his head from where he had been facing the ground and shook it slightly to cleanse his brain from unnecessary thoughts. “Eh… Sorry. Kind of got lost in thought… You wanted anything?” He mumbled as he felt the blood rush to his cheeks.

“Eh, yeah. My sister wanted me to thank you… you know for helping us. It was brave of you… Not that I couldn’t have handled him myself, because I could… And well, Thanks.” Ty looked up at the guy in front of him in disbelief. Did this dark, beautiful guy just try to thank him and at the same time making himself look good? Selfish idiot.

“Well, Tobi was it? Why don’t you just scurry of as Harada so finely put it? I can see that your not used to saying thanks to anyone so don’t die trying okay? Besides I have other things to do.” Again Ty turned around and started putting his belongings back into his bag.

Feeling a hand on his shoulder he turned around again and found himself only inches away from the Goth. “ Hey, I know that I’m not very good at thanking people, actually this was the only time I ever had to… And I’m not very good at apologizing either. So, here goes nothing. I’m sorry. I acted like a jerk, and it wasn’t really to say ‘Thank you’ that Reika sent me over here to talk to you. What she really wanted was for me to ask you out… But, well I wasn’t really sure that you would like to go out with me so I kinda chickened out…” As the other guy rambled Ty felt himself grow more and more embarrassed. “…But now that I see how cute you are when you’re blushing I might just change my mind.”

“Y-you what?” Ty asked in disbelief but still couldn’t help the small grin that was plastered on his lips. This guy wanted to go out with him? I feel like I’m floating on small fluffy pink clouds. ‘Hey! I can’t think like that! I sound like a lovesick teenage girl!’ Fluffy blue clouds then. ‘Now that’s better.’

“Now that I see how surprised you are by me saying this, I think I’ll just buy you a coffee as thanks nothing else. Is that okay with you?” The Goth asked as he smiled sweetly. Ty just nodded dumbly. He was still in a state of shock. “Okay… so… Shall we go?” Again, he got only a nod in return. “Oh, and before I forget. Thank you for helping us.”

“You’re welcome… Where did Reika, (that was her name right?) go?” First now Tynoshi noticed the other guy’s eye color, blood red. ‘He has got to wear contacts. No one has eyes like that.’ Ty pondered.

“She went home to take care of mom… Besides I think she had quite a lot to think about.”

“Oh, okay. I’m Ty by the way…” He gave a weak smile and reached out his hand hesitantly, still afraid that this Goth was going to turn away from him.

To his surprise, the other guy took it. “Tobiyaki, but please, just call me Tobi.” He grinned and then added, “I hate my name.”

“I hate everything in my life…” Ty muttered and released Tobi’s hand.

“It can’t be that bad, can it?”

“Eh…” He hadn’t meant for Tobi to hear that. ‘Shit.’ “Well… I should get going. Sorry to have bothered you for so long.” For the second time in only a few minutes he turned to leave, this time with his cheeks burning with embarrassment.

‘Great. I really screwed that up.’ Ty thought as he made his way through the snow. He sighed and was just about to put his headphones over his ears again when he felt a hand on his shoulder - again. He turned around, and found himself very close to Tobi once more.

“Eh… You know, we really should stop meeting like this.” He smiled hesitantly.

“Now that’s cute. You really should smile more often.” Tobi grinned. “ Besides, I think I owe you a cup of coffee.”

“I…” Ty blushed furiously. “Right… but I really don’t know if I have time… eh… Sorry?”

“C’mon, you look like the kind of kid that needs to get out more.”

Okay, so maybe he didn’t go out very often, but… “Hey! I’m not a kid!” He said with a pout.

“Yeah whatever kiddo.” Tobi chuckled at Ty’s flushed face. He really had hit a sore spot. “So Ty-chan, you coming or what?”

Tynoshi’s eyes widened. He really wasn’t used to people wanting to be near him and definitely not used to people calling him chan. It took a while, but when he finally came back to his senses he nodded dumbly and the two of them started walking towards the nearest café.

They found this little café on the corner of 10th and 3rd. It was a really a small place, and it didn’t look much to the blue-haired teen. But Tobi said they had good coffee.

Once inside they sat down at a small table in a secluded corner. They didn’t want to get too much attention from the other people in there. They were after all pretty… different. One all black Goth with eyeliner and Crimson eyes; and one… well one Tynoshi, a blue haired girly-boy dressed in black with metal music pounding from his headphones. They ought to grab some people’s attentions.

Tynoshi reached down into his bag and turned off the CD player. At once his ears were assaulted by the country-like music they were playing in the café. If it weren’t for Tobi sitting across from him he wouldn’t have cared but it seemed kind of rude to be listening to music while you were on a ‘date’. Yes date. That was what Ty had begun to call it. Although he had tried not to, he couldn’t help himself anymore. He was after all there with a gorgeous guy, who was actually friendly with him. Even if it wasn’t a date and Tobi didn’t want to be anything other than friends afterwards Ty figured that he could at least hope. Besides, Tobi had said that he originally wanted a date didn’t he?

“So what do ya want?” Tobiyaki’s voice brought Ty back to reality. He shook his head slightly and looked up at the slightly older boy in front of him.

“I don’t know… I mean I don’t have any money on me.” A faint red colored the younger teenagers cheeks.

“You’re a bit forgetful aren’t you? I said that I’d buy you a coffee. That means I’m paying. Now what do you want?”

“Um… Could I get a Chocolate-chip milkshake?” Ty asked silently.

“What? It’s the middle of the bloody winter!”

“Right… I could just choose something else then.”

“No, it’s all right, you can have your milkshake.” Tobi flashed him a gentle smile and ordered for both of them.

“Okay thanks…” Ty sighed heavily. “What the fuck is wrong with me today?” He muttered and put his head in his hands.

“Hey, are you okay?” He heard Toby ask worriedly. Putting on a strained smile Ty looked up and nodded.

“Yah I’m fine. I just…”

“You worried about what Harada said?”

“No… not really…” ‘I’m more worried about you leaving me as everyone else does…’ The blue-haired boy shook himself mentally. ‘Just enjoy it while it last.’

“You sure?”

“Yeah… But let’s just say that I’m not looking forward to going back to school when the week is over.” His gaze drifted out the window as he spoke.

“You go to Harrison right?” Tobi looked at him over the table.

“Yeah, but I don’t see how that has anything to do with it…”

“Well I just transferred here from London so that I could more easily help Reika and mother. I can probably, if you’d let me that is, be of some help to you… I’m sure you can handle it on your own, but I figured that you might want a… ehm…” The black-haired boy hesitated.

“A friend?”

“Um yeah… a friend.” Ty smiled but couldn’t help but wondering if that was really what the other boy had wanted to say. “I mean you could probably help me find all my classes and stuff, and I could always watch your back in return. That way neither one of us has to be alone, right?”

Ty felt himself smiling again at the other boy’s tentative attempts of gaining a friend. “Never took you for the shy type.” He chuckled at Tobi’s stunned expression that after a while turned into a grin.

“Yeah well everything isn’t always as it seems. So what do you say?”

“I think that would be a good idea.”

“Well maybe we should get to know each other-“

“Here you are guys. One cup of hot chocolate and…” The waitress gave Ty a strange look, ”One chocolate-chip milkshake.” She set both the huge glass and the mug down on the table, before leaving.

“You know, I still can’t understand why you would drink something like that now. It’s freezing outside!”

“So? It’s goddamn hot in here!” Ty grinned and Tobi just shook his head. “Okay so I like it cold. So what?”

“Oh nothing. I’ve just never met anyone who’d order a milkshake in the middle of winter is all.”

“Yeah well I do.”

“So I take it you prefer to sleep out on the balcony rather than in a warm bed?” The blue-haired boy raised an eyebrow at that question.

“How did you know?” Tobi looked once again stunned, causing Ty to laugh. “I’m just kidding. Of course I prefer a bed. At least when Ted’s there to keep me warm.”

“What? You’re taken?”

“Yup. I sure love my teddy bear!”

Tobi looked at him warily for awhile before cracking a smile. “Good one.”

“What? It’s true!” Tynoshi giggled while taking a sip of his milkshake.

“Alright, alright I believe you. Now I just have to convince you that I’m a better boyfriend than that teddy of yours…”

“Ah-ah! No one’s better than my teddy bear!” Ty put on a fake pout and Tobi had to restrain himself from laughing.

“Well then, I’m just gonna have to ask you out on a real date to show you how much better a boyfriend I am.”

“What makes you think I’ll ever go out on a date with you?”

“Maybe because I’m so bloody gorgeous you can’t resist?” The Goth winked teasingly.

“Yeah right. In your dreams.” Ty laughed. He couldn’t believe he felt so comfortable around a person he’s known for a few hours at the most. He had never been so open to anyone before. “But still. I might just be interested in going out on a date with you. Just play your cards right.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…”

Time flew by as they talked. They had completely missed lunch while talking and Tynoshi realized that he knew quite a lot about Tobi. The dark boy had told him all about himself Reika and their sick mother. Apparently the father had never treated any of them that well and he hit all of them on occasion.

“…Dad left last year and mom’s illness is starting to get worse. Reika and me are trying to help her as much as possible but it doesn’t seem to be enough…” Tobi’s voice drifted into only a whisper and he looked absently out the window.

“Hey I’m sorry to hear that… but two persons can only do so much. You shouldn’t blame yourself so much.”

“Yeah… I guess. Thanks for listening though.”

“You’re welcome.” Ty smiled. He himself hadn’t spoken that much about his own family. He felt too embarrassed.

“Now, you hungry?” Tobi asked as he paid the bill.

“A bit… What time is it?”

“About 5.30 pm I reckon. I guess we talked all through lunch.”

The blue-haired boy looked out the window and chuckled at the dark sky. “Yeah I guess we did.”

“So you want to blow this place and get some dinner?”

“Okay… But you know, I could always run home and get some money so that you don’t have to pay everythi-“ Ty started but Tobi interrupted him by holding up his hand.

“Nonsense. You don’t owe me anything. I thought it was pretty obvious that I’d buy you dinner on the first date.”

“But…”

“No buts. I’m paying for everything you want today.”

Ty gave out a sigh in defeat.

“Look, if you insist then yes. We can get something simple for dinner. Happy now?” The black-haired boy grinned.

“I don’t want to be a burden and I definitely don’t want to ruin you…” Ty looked down on the table.

“Ty-Chan! Listen to me, it really is okay. I’ve got more than enough money on me and besides I like treating you to things.” He put his hand under the other boy’s chin and lifted it, locking their gazes.

“…just please let me run home and get some money I can meet up with you somewhere after 15 minutes at the most. I feel like such a girl if you’re the only one who’s going to pay.”

Tobi sighed and shook his head. “You don’t have to do that…”

“Please?” Ty looked up at the older boy with huge puppy-dog-eyes.

“Alright. C’mon.” They both got up from the table and walked towards the door.

“Oh and Tobi? Thank you.” Ty said a he stepped out into the snow.

Tobi leaned forward and gently brushed his lips against the other boys. “Don’t mention it.”

“I…” The blue-haired boy’s eyes were wide and he didn’t seem to be able to put together whole sentences. ‘He kissed me… he kissed me…’ He repeated over and over in his head. ‘I didn’t think he would want to do that… Not to me…”

“Hey. Why don’t you go and get that money now. I’ll wait here, unless you don’t want me to come with you…”

Ty snapped out of his thoughts and shook his head. “No! That won’t be necessary; I’ll only take a few minutes.” He said a bit too quickly causing Tobi to look at him quizzically. “I’ll be right back okay?”

“You sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

“No, I’m a big boy. I can walk home and back on my own. It’s only on the other side of the park. Besides it’ll take longer if we both were to go.” The younger teen babbled on, not really realizing that he wasn’t making any sense. He didn’t think he could live with the embarrassment if Tobi was to see where he lived.

“Alright, you win. Now go.”

Ty flashed the other boy a smile before turning on his heal and hurrying down the street.

‘I can’t believe he actually kissed me!’ He grinned to himself and rounded a corner. He had almost completely given up hope of someone ever caring for him and then Tobi came along and gave him friendship and maybe even love… ‘I have to hurry so that he won’t wait so long. I know he’s not so fond of the cold.’

The blue-haired boy quickened his steps and soon found himself by the gate that led into the park. ‘A little shortcut wouldn’t hurt, right?’ He thought and passed the large iron-gates. He took a left, then a right, then another left, almost running down the paths. He knew this place like the back of his hand and didn’t really pay attention to his surroundings…

“Ouch!” He cursed as he felt himself collide into something somewhat solid.

“Well what do we have here? If it isn’t the little fag?”

Ty’s eyes widened of fear as he looked up at the most pleased face of Satoshi Harada.

“You know, you shouldn’t be out in the park so late, it could be dangerous.” Sniggers were heard and Tynoshi looked around and found himself surrounded by Harada’s gang. ‘Damn. I have to try and distract them.’

“I can handle myself, besides isn’t it way past your bedtime?” The blue-haired boy crossed his arms over his chest as he spoke causing the gang-leader to sneer.

“You little shit. You will learn to respect your superiors. Boys, get a hold of him for me will ya?”

Ty let out a small squeak as he felt strong hands take a hold of him holding him in place. He tried desperately to struggle but he knew it was meaningless.

“Hold out his arms for me.” Harada ordered and Ty struggled even more when the older boy pulled out a knife.

“Stay still faggot.” Growled the harsh voice of one of the other gang members and it was accompanied with a stinging slap. Ty yelped and felt his arms being forcefully held out in front of him.

“Now you will learn never to strike me again.” Pale-blue eyes widened as the knife was lowered towards his left arm.

“P-please don-“ The cold blade reached the inside of his wrist and it cut through the skin. “Please!”

Harada laughed and held up the knife right in front of Tynoshi’s face showing him the blood. “See, boy? This is what happens to the ones who dare stand up to me.”

The blue-haired teen felt tears sting in his eyes as the Gang-leader lowered the blade to his right arm this time, cutting deep and drawing much more blood.

“P-please… stop…” The knife moved away for a second, only to come down again creating a third cut, spilling the blood on the ground.

“Alright. I think that’s enough punishment for now. Release him” Harada commanded and wiped the knife of fingerprints before throwing it into the puddle of blood. His minions did as they were told, releasing the blue-haired teen letting him fall into an unmoving, yet bleeding heap on the ground. “Hopefully he’ll die of blood loss. Now, let’s get out of here before the cops comes.”

Ty barely registered himself hitting the ground much less Harada and his gang leaving. Tears stained his cheeks and a strange dizziness filled his head. He made no move to try and get up or get help. He just laid there crying for what seemed like an eternity…

“Ty-Chan? You out here?” The bloodied boy on the boy whimpered as he heard someone call his name. “Tynosh-“ He thought he heard a gasp and then hurried footsteps coming closer.

“Ty-Chan?” Strong hands took hold of his shoulders and turned him around gently. He opened his eyes slightly and found himself looking up at a very fuzzy Tobi. The older boy’s eyes were brimming with tears and Ty saw them flitting between him and the bloodied knife on the ground. “Ty… What have you done…?”

Dull blue eyes lowered and the owner felt the strong arms tighten around him. His head hurt and the whole world was spinning around him.

“Why? Why would you do this? I don’t understand…” He almost didn’t catch the whispered words, but he did and smiled faintly. ‘At least I know someone cares…’ he felt on of the hands releasing him and faintly heard the beeping of a cell phone.

“…need…ambulance…park…suicide…” All sounds were starting to fade away and he felt tired… ‘So tired…’ A numbing feeling spread through his body and then everything went black.

The last thing heard was Tobi’s whispered words. “Please don’t leave me…”

‘Don’t worry, I won’t.’

That was the story of one they all used to call Tynoshi Shinwa. He got to be 16 years old and all he ever wanted was to die. It was the story is based on the best day of his life. The day when he got his wish fulfilled… Or did he?

THE END