If Only

If only I had said something when you looked my way, looking like I look when I look at you, but you weren’t looking at me

Where you?

If only id have said ‘hi’ to you when I got the chance, like when you walked by me almost expectantly, but you didn’t want to talk to me

Did you?

If only I had listened, listened when they said ‘go for it’ but I was right not too, because you would have said no, and laughed, I was right

Wasn’t I?

Then again…

Those secret little looks I took for you, you returned, each of us taking turns, looking in secret, blushing bright red, pretending they’re not for you

They were

But I never said anything, because I thought you would laugh, lie and say sorry, your mates don’t like me, why should you

You did

You said in general, right next to me once, suggestive things, said you like someone and they think they know who they were, said if they asked, you’d say yes, why I should I take notice, take notice and believe you, when you aren’t talking about me

Where u?

I asked -

Eventually

You said no -

Inevitably

Said if only I had asked earlier, sorry

You thought I wasn’t interested, sorry

And now I’m watching you, watching her

And now I’m forced to sit here and wondering and wishing

If only…