Those times…
When I sat behind those hideous mad curtains in my mother’s bedroom…
and pretended I wasn’t there,
She sat right outside and waited patiently for me
to come out.

All those times…
When I whispered out-loud the thoughts in my head
as I rode my bike down the street, she was whispering right behind me,
“I guess all we’ll ever need is each other.”

And all those times…
When I drew dead people with crayons and she buried them for me,
When we held council meetings with all of my jewelry,
When we named all the little ducks in the neighborhood pond, and made them be the ‘bad guys’ when we played Power-Rangers…
They’re like crumpled-up papers in my mind.

Those were times of roller blades and Lion King.
Of sparkle glue and “PleaseLetItSnow!!”
Of ran boots and swimming suits and
“don’t swallow the seeds or they’ll grow in your belly!!”

But most of all, those were times of fear and curiosity.

It makes sense now that she came the day before Kindergarten started.
Just showed up on our porch, and asked if she could stay over.
I don’t know why I never wondered why.

And every morning when I woke up, I’d ask her if she could stay over
just one more day;
If she would be too homesick, or if her parents would be upset.
And she’d just smile and reply, “Don’t worry! My parents won’t mind!”
Or sometimes she didn’t answer, but just---“TAG! You’re it!”
Because she knew that she wasn’t just a guest anymore.

But on the day that I performed my first real piano recital, I couldn’t find her.
I wanted to ask her how I’d done,
But she’d gone.
I thought maybe her mom had taken her home…
That she would come back another day and we’d have a cartwheel contest…

just like always.

But she never did come back to the porch.
Even when I wrote letters to her and
stuffed them into water bottles and
threw them into the neighborhood swimming pool.

I used to wonder if she would’ve stayed with me
If I’d believed in her more.
Like fairies…but this was so much more real.

Those times come back to visit me sometimes.
I ask, “How is she? Happy?”
And they say, “Yes. But she wanted us to let you know…
that she misses you.”