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This is my latest story and I know that its been awhile so please be kind. Only construtive criticism please. So...yeah...this is my story and I love it. More is on the way, its already written just trying to write a scene that I'm having difficulty with. Maybe you could give me suggestions on what should happen next.
Elodie has just turned Five, the Big One, and she's just been paired with an Unnatural, Nólatári, whom she hasn't seen in over two years. He is the Leader of the Elitists, who've been fighting the Firsts for the past couple of years, they come back so that he can be Paired with Elodie and are given a mission that could be the turning point in the war that has been raging since Father created the Firsts over 60 years ago. This is a Love story with Fantasy written all over it. Enjoy!
You should know, we aren’t natural, none of us are but that’s not really what you want to hear, or maybe it is and that’s the reason why you are here. But then, you aren’t really involved yet so I will tell you of our history.
We were created by a lunatic, a man who was hell bent on bringing his dead society back from the Waste, like I said a lunatic. We’ve always known this, you’ve just figured this out but we will forgive you for your slowness as you’ve not been here from the beginning.
Father was a nice man, really he was, always kind to us Second Generations. The Firsts weren’t under his supervision and such have no feelings towards the man. Mother, a foreign woman who captured his soul funded his research. She only allowed Second Generations like me to be created in hopes that we could counteract the devastating Firsts. Mother nurtured Father’s lunacy and here we are, there is only a few of us, but we’re here all the same.
After the Firsts escaped and went underground, a metaphor in case you didn’t catch that, Mother turned to Father again, hoping he could right the wrong he made. But I guess, we weren’t what she was wanting because she left when I was 4 years old, well she didn’t really leave. Emotionally she left, detached herself from us as well as Father. He wasn’t the same after the Firsts captured the beautiful city of Finarfin in the Waste, I would wager to say he wasn’t really Father anymore neither was Mother. They had been gone to Finarfin when this happened and were very much themselves but when they came back they weren’t Mother and Father anymore. Well, enough of that, no sense in wallowing in the past too long.
Second Generations mature emotionally and physically very quickly, within 5 years we are fully mature. That is why Mother had us created since we were the fastest solution to the Firsts situation. It’s rather ironic, we mature fast only to stay young and fight a cause that will end with us if we parish. But no matter what happens, even through death your cause will live on through your children, which I find to be more efficient.
As I was saying, it was the eve of my 5th birthday; emotionally I was in my late teens, the Firsts were 60 and still kicking your ass. I was given my last injection, pesky things syringes and I am still as I was. After this injection, things changed for all of us, normal things for us Unnaturals.
Like other teenagers we could not keep our hands off of each other, at least, the others couldn’t keep their hands off each other. By this time we were all matched up with another, mostly a girl and a boy, but there were a few cases where two girls had been paired together. It was done at birth, the matching, and Father would choose who would be paired together and he was pretty good at choosing the perfect mate. Two batches before mine as well as my own batch weren’t immediately paired. Most of us were paired rather quickly after birth but there were a few of us that weren’t for a reason we had no clue of. In the three batches, 16 of us weren’t matched together right after birth. As we grew older, that number diminished to 6 by the eve of my 5th birthday.
There were six Elitists, including myself though only because Father called me one. I’m the Keeper of all Knowledge, though I don’t seem to be in the loop on most things, only books and histories in the Annals. Nólatári is the Elite leader as he is the eldest and three batches ahead of me, his original match died a few months after birth and so he became one of the Elitists when Sanaye, his second in command with the most beautiful features of any of the Unnaturals and his other Elitists were created. The second eldest Arafinwë is a towering 6 foot 3 inch giant with great strategy and skill in all forms of weaponry, Alatáriël a sinewy temptress with skills of seduction and Kukri, her valued weapon and Fèanáro, his ordinance expert who could blow up a fly 500 yards away on his worst day.
I was considered the oddity of the batches and as such, I became isolated and fixed with the old parchments and scrolls and leather bound books for comfort, getting something I never could get outside of the Annals, a feeling of inclusion of which only my stories and histories could give me.
I was the only one with my knowledge, at least, until that point in time that was what I believed and it gave me comfort whenever I came across the Elitists as we were affectionately called by the batches. There were only 120 Unnaturals’ in the Compound, and most of them kept to themselves, keeping up with the maintenance of the which there were hundreds of stories and thousands upon thousands of square footage to keep all of us busy with work.
To help with our ordeal, Mother invented mechanical beings called Momidots who helped with supper and maintenance and such, leaving us Unnaturals with some time for social activities and studies. As well, most of us were out in the Wastes fighting the Firsts, there had originally been over 700 of us, but over the years, battles took us away. Leaving only the last 120 with the rebellion of the Firsts, and with Father and Mother as only minimal entities, we rather forgot about the world outside of ours, as they had not accepted our help, we forgot them.
My batch was the last, as Father lost his touch and I was the only one to survive, I became the Record Keeper, as I was not a strong baby and not fit for active duty as my other Elitists equals. Although Father called me an Elitist, I was not accepted as one by Nólatári and his clan who rarely looked upon me and for a spell I thought they had completely forgotten about me, as they had been away to Vartoughi for over 2 years. I’m straying, I apologize, I do this from time to time but my mind is full and out of place.
Continuing on, it was my Eve and I was fast on my way to being the only one without a mate, as we had heard that Fèanáro and Sanaye were to be paired a few weeks before, I was comfortable with this seeing as how I felt that Father knew what he was doing and so, I felt at ease with my histories. The Elitists were home for the first time in nearly 2 years and I hadn’t seen them yet, wondering how they had been. I had never felt the need to talk with them, as they had never felt they needed to speak to me but I wondered how Nólatári had been for it was announced that morning that we would be paired together, at least I had been told by Father who called me to his quarters and stated, “Enelya, Nólatári will be back today and he is who I have decided you will pair with.” And I was forced out by a mauve haired Momidot who wanted to finish beating the richly colored rug. Enelya is my name by the way but that is not very important now.
I had been left in the hall confused when Narien, a spunky Unnatural of 3 came bounding down the corridor. “The Elitists are back.” She then disappeared into the courtyard. I was always baffled by Father’s tricks of knowing everything. You know? How can a man who rarely leaves his quarters know things?
I was struck by his choice, as I had always likened myself matched with Arafinwë who only spoke to me once why they packed for their crusade to Vartoughi, he spoke with kind patience and so I felt he was the one. Nólatári, I felt, was far superior to my fleshy figure which I had gained by years of the meals cooked by the Momidots and the lack of exercise training as toddler as I was prone to attacks.
I was a fleshy girl, fluffy as Father would say absent-mindedly while looking in a telescope, but I rarely let this get to me, I had accepted my looks and found that in moments looking in the mirrors all over the Compound, put in place by Father to remind us of our beauty, that I was indeed just as lovely as my counterparts Sanaye and Alatáriël whose firm bodies will at times give me heartache.
After hearing of their arrival, I felt Father would discuss with them all the going-ons and so I left the corridor, partly of Father and partly of seeing Nólatári and his disdain of being paired with someone like me. I was a coward in those days, but really…everyone is a coward towards something, and I was a coward when it came to Nólatári. I went to the Annals where I had major organizing to accomplish still. I had been in the Annals ever since the others left. It was a task that I found mentally challenging and rewarding.
The Annals consisted of eighteen levels high and seven levels wide all around, going from the tallest section to the lowest sections of the Compound. And I had only a few more levels to go, the roof levels which I had kept till the last as I was rather frightened to go up there for lack of courage to go into such lit up places. There were great big windows up there overlooking all the land surrounding the Compound and only once had I been up there and that was enough for me.
I had been so caught up in my work that when I looked at the time for the first time, I found it was past midnight which meant I had spent all day working in the isles and hadn’t really made a dent in anything. After this realization, all I wanted to do was take a shower and get to sleep; I was dusty and dirty from the books and documents.
Even if you don't like this story please tell me why. I am learning still. Thanks.