The Price of Freedom

Sometimes, Jesse thought that he must be a ghost. No one noticed him. Not his classmates, not his teachers, not even his parents seemed to care. Well screw that, he muttered inwardly, his grief-stricken soul cloudy with hate.

My name is Jesse Montgomery, and I hate this world. Yes, I hate you too. All you stupid mother fuckers who can’t possibly understand my life. You will never know what it’s like. Have you ever been trapped in a building as it’s falling down around you? No, I didn’t think so. But what about me? What about my life?

He imagined the day that he would walk down the isle and get his diploma, the white paper crisp in his hands. The sheep surrounded him gathered in their pathetic flocks, baaing stupidly. Someday they would regret their nonsensical mewing…

I’ve been trapped in that building ever since I was born. Every year the walls sag lower and lower as they groan in protest, struggling to stay standing. And there’s me, crouched in the middle of an empty ruin. Confined. Stuck.

He could feel his heart racing as he imagined his life free of this town. He was suffocating in this life, being held underwater until he was barely conscious. It was sucking the life out of him.

This is the year. The time that I will break free. For too long have I allowed those rotting putrid rats to gnaw away at the foundation, pushing the walls in, slowly and surely. I can take what I need from them and never set my eyes on this puny little hicks-ville ever again. If only I can last, make it to the end of the tunnel, to the light.

He inwardly groaned, starting to get very annoyed, and he rubbed his forehead tiredly to fend off the hammer that was pounding in on his skull. Why did people insist on talking to him? They were persistent and extremely obnoxious, but Jesse knew better than to give in. Sooner or later everyone realized what was so obvious to most; he was an outsider, an outcast, not to be trifled with.

“Be my partner?” the girl asked him. She shifted from one foot to the other, skillfully ignoring the dubious glances of her classmates. She took a seat next to him and continued to glance sideways at him through her long lashes. Despite his hatred for her and the world that she stood for -- the world that he wasn’t apart of -- he couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she seemed, the sunlight streaming through her golden hair.

His eyebrows knitted together and he sighed tiredly. “Look, why can’t you just leave me alone? Do the fuckin’ project by yourself. No one wants you to be partners with me, including yours truly.” He wished for her sincerity, he really did, but his hopeful youth had left him long ago. It had left him on the day when they first shoved him down face first in the bitter hard snow, his breath coming in chocking gasps. He never forgot that day. Neither did they.

Everyone despises me. I saunter through life dodging fatal glares and vengeful words, as cold and icy as the freezing winters that I survive each and every passing year. They don’t care that I don’t have anywhere else to go, that I don’t have enough money to leave and never come back. That’s what they want me to do, I know. They’ve told me.

Jesse narrowed his eyes as the anger swept through him. She made it seem like she truly wanted to be his partner, but when push came to shove he knew that she would dump him face first in the mud; he refused to be just another casualty. Death by cheerleader.

Avoiding her eyes, he made his way to the door quietly, fighting the urge to turn his head and meet her gaze for one last time. Although her eyes burned into his back, he carefully snuck out the door of the classroom. Only one person noticed his departure. She stared at the door for a long time, and for a moment, a look reminiscent of sadness crossed her face. But then it was gone.

Well, damn them! Damn them and their cellular phones and their frappuccinos, their Chevy’s and their school spirit. They can go to hell for all I care.

He fumbled in his pocket and drew out his lighter and a cigarette. Instinctively he rolled the cool metal around in his hand, still in thought. He hated his life, this school, with a fiery passion that rivaled anything that he’d ever felt. He shook his head. He needed to clear his mind. This wasn’t going to help him escape.

Collapsing by the furnace, he held the lighter up to his face. Jesse flicked the switch and watched detachedly as the flame jumped into being. Angry red fire, as uncontrollable as his burning emotions. As the flames swelled, a great frustration filled his gut, rushing up to his throat as he chocked on it feverishly. The disgust that he had been feeling constantly for years welled up inside of him as he imagined the girl’s sweet face smiling happily at her friends. They didn’t care. They didn’t even see him.

Staring keenly at the lighter in his hand, he laughed cynically at the stupidity of the world in which he dwelled. They lived like sheep and they would die like sheep. He dropped the lighter on the floor, still flickering furiously, and watched the flames leap around the barren room. His eyelids burned with smoke. The smell filled his nostrils and he closed his eyes against the tears. How long he ran, he didn’t know, but when he finally collapsed to the ground outside he panted roughly, tears streaming down his face. The school glowed with a strangely iridescent quality.

I—I just want revenge.

The flames crackled harshly, filling the air with their malevolent cackling. Jesse closed his eyes, but he couldn’t stop seeing her face staring at him pleadingly. Pounding the damp ground with his fists, he sobbed in frustration.

…And I just need freedom.