“Aw, jeez Jamie, what’s with that sad face? Cheer up; I’ll be back before you know it!”

“… do you promise you’ll keep in touch?

“Promise.”

I pressed my nose against the glass window and watched the gray white airplane take flight. Imagining Ian waving goodbye at me from the airplane window, I put a bright smile on my face and waved back blindly. As the airplane flew out of sight, I was overcome with exhaustion as I dragged my feet out of the airport. Locating my car I sat down and looked back at the airport once with watery eyes. Releasing a sigh, I started the engine and drove back home. I tried to keep my mind off Ian by turning on my favorite radio station. Music had always been able to act as a distraction for me, but even music couldn’t keep my mind away from feeling lost.

“Ian, I know you prefer writing letters, but be sure to email me once you get to your hotel, okay? That way I’ll know you’re safe right away rather than waiting for a letter that will come days later.”

“Nothing will happen Jamie, all this worrying isn’t good for you.”

“IAN, just this once. Please.”

“Okay okay okay, I will. Just for you.”

I suggested emailing each other to keep in touch, but he insisted on sending letters back and forth. He said that emailing was out of the question and the technology that was created to increase convenience often took away from life. That he’d rather sit down and carefully write each word onto a piece of paper, instead of using shortened code in rushed emails that contained no heart behind them. He said, in the end, he’d rather have memories in the form of tangible letters than virtual memories that were stored on an unreliable machine. I didn’t understand it then, but there was no harm in humoring him.

MESSAGE RECEIVED ON: October 24, 1997 at 4:40 PM

TO: Jamie McMahon

FROM: Ian Kingsford

SUBJECT: safe arrival

I’ve arrived safely! I swear my heart was pounding the entire flight. Let me tell you, aviatophobia is not exactly one of the handiest phobias to have. My older brother, William met me at the airport to take me back home. He mentioned various unimportant comments and seemed to be dancing around the real subject that mattered. Unable to listen any longer, I blurted out the question of how my mother was doing. William grew silent and unconsciously avoided my eyes. He told me that mother was getting worse and that the doctor said she didn’t have long to live. Jamie, “Oh” was the only response that I could muster. You have no idea how much it hurts and how much I wish you were here to help me through this.

We’re staying overnight, but we’re driving home tomorrow to see mother. I hope I can stay strong.

How are you holding up? Do you have any exciting stories to tell me?

Missing you already,

Ian

Ian once told me that his mother used to say that death would eventually catch up to us someday. We never argued with her because she just knew things. She said to live life to the fullest because we only had one chance. I’d laugh and say that I was happy with the way my life was going. She used to show me baby pictures of Ian and William. She’d set up the scene for me and explain the stories that were behind every picture in great detail, as if the stories would be added to my memory. I enjoyed her stories and often told her that she was a great storyteller. She’d laugh it off and say that everyone had the potential to be a storyteller, but the ability to separate the good stories from the bad stories made you either a bad storyteller or a great one.

Jamie McMahon

9473 Sparks St.

Honolulu, Hawaii 96821

Ian Kingsford

3572 Brick Road

Denver, Colorado 80033

October 25, 1997

Ian,

I’m glad to hear that your flight was smooth and that those big bad planes didn’t get you. That’s such a funny fear to have, but I won’t tease you about it anymore. I’m just glad that you arrived there safely. I would try and trick you by saying how I wasn’t worried at all, but you know me better than that.

How is William doing? I haven’t heard from him in a while, I trust he’s doing well. Be sure to say hi to him for me!

I’m very sorry to hear about your mother. I’m not sure what I should say; I’ve never been a very good comforter. I wish I could tell you that everything was okay and that everything happens for a reason, but I’m just about the worst liar out there. But, I can promise you that I will always be here for you. I hope you know that. Someone amazing once told me that not accepting the present and dwelling on the past will only take away from the future. Please tell her that I’m thinking of her.

Things have been fine here, but the thought of spending Halloween without is pretty depressing. Who else is going to jump out from behind the door and scare the trick-o-treaters? I’m going to give them twice as much candy to make up for your absence and to silence the, “Oh, bummers!” that I’m bound to hear. And who is going to help me finish the leftover candy? You know, I won’t be able to stop eating, I’ll get really fat and it’ll be your entire fault. Yeah, you should be feeling guilty right about now. But obviously, you’ll still love me even when I’m a fat old lady, right?

Love,

Jamie

PS: WRITE BACK SOON OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY. I’m joking… partly joking, anyway.

I spent Halloween alone, watching scary movie reruns on the television. The excitement and suspense disappeared and it just became another lonely night with the sticky, scattered candy as my only comfort. The suspense and frightening parts in the movies didn’t seem as fun and exciting to watch anymore. It’s as if being alone takes away from the whole movie, because the only reason one would scream or cry out in fear is to stir up a reaction from those around you. When there’s no one around you, there’s no more motive because no one will know and no one will care. Life is a stage and there’s no use in acting when there is no audience.

Ian Kingsford

3572 Brick Road

Denver, Colorado 80033

Jamie McMahon

9473 Sparks St.

Honolulu, Hawaii 96821

November 3, 1997

Jamie,

You are so cruel and evil. Have a little sympathy for me, won’t you? At least I’m not scared of telephones or something as equally pathetic as that (I KNOW what you’re thinking, don’t even go there, being afraid of flying is NOT pathetic). Well, I arrived safely, didn’t I? There’s no need to worry anymore.

I’ve been chatting with William and it seems like his life is going pretty well. He recently got a promotion at his office firm and is now earning a very generous amount of money. It’s about time somebody realized his incredible amount of talent. I passed the message along. He was asking about how you were doing and he told me to tell you to take care of yourself. He also said that you should drop the zero (… I have a feeling he was talking about me) and get with the hero (this is around the time when he pointed to himself …), but I’m sure he was only kidding… that little jokester. By the way, he says hello, as well.

Thank you for taking the time to write that. It means a lot to me. I’ve been visiting mother everyday and she’s always talking about you. Her hospital room is so dreary and dark; she’s always saying that, “If Jamie was here, you’d never have known that the room didn’t have windows. She’d definitely brighten the place up.” She’s right, you know. She seems to be in a lot of pain and it’s incredibly hard for me to know that I can’t help lessen it or help her in anyway. She’s incredibly touched that you’re thinking about her and told me to tell you that things may seem hopeless, but she’ll never stop fighting.

I’m sorry that you had to spend Halloween alone, which must have been so boring. HAHA, I knew it, you DO enjoy my ‘scare tactics.’ I can’t believe you spent all last Halloween complaining about how I almost gave you a heart attack. Admit it; you love my “cheesy” BOOs. I spent Halloween at the hospital. William and I volunteered to hand candy out to the children that were unable to leave their hospital rooms. It was only then that I understood what my mother had told me earlier. She said that she had no reason to be bitter and was grateful because she had the chance to live out her life. To put it bluntly, these children were robbed of their life and it puts more emphasis on whoever first said, “Life is unfair.”

Ian

PS: I’d still love you, no matter what.

Jamie McMahon

9473 Sparks St.

Honolulu, Hawaii 96821

Ian Kingsford

3572 Brick Road

Denver, Colorado 80033

November 10, 1997

Dear Ian,

Evil and cruel? No way, you don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m pretty much the sweetest girl ever. (By the way, YES it is pathetic.)

Tell William that he just made my day. Honestly, it’s his fault that I burst out laughing and now everyone in Starbucks thinks I’m mentally insane. I haven’t heard that pick-up line in a while; it resurfaced some pretty good memories. Wow, tell William congratulations on the promotion! There’s no one else that deserves it more than him. (A generous amount of money, eh? Tell him to send some my way!)

IAN! Go bring your mother some flowers to brighten up her room! I swear men are completely clueless. I wish I was there, I don’t know how your mother deals with such stupidity. Please give your mother a kiss for me and tell her she’s the sweetest person ever. I know that she’ll never stop fighting.

AWW, I forgive you for not being here this Halloween. Those children needed you a lot more than I did. Things like that remind me exactly why I love you so much.

Love,

Jamie

PS: Even if I suddenly had a massive allergic reaction that made my face swell up to twice its normal size?

Two years ago when I visited my friend in the hospital during her surgery recovery, there was a parade ready start in the middle of the lobby. Children of all ages were dressed in their Halloween costumes that allowed them to become someone else for the meantime. There were pirates, ghosts, cats, fairies and princesses, but that didn’t change the fact that they were cancer-diagnosed children. No wonder Edward Abbey said that, “Life is unfair. And it’s not fair that life is unfair.”

Jamie McMahon

9473 Sparks St.

Honolulu, Hawaii 96821

Ian Kingsford

3572 Brick Road

Denver, Colorado 80033

November 17, 1997

Jamie,

It’s over. The pain and torture that she’s been going through has ended. It’s funny because during those last few days I should have been happy for her, but I was angry and I was furious. I hated that she wasn’t feeling any anger towards her unfortunate disease and that she was ready to just accept death. It felt like she was giving up. My mother wouldn’t have ever thought about giving up. She told me to forgive because without forgiveness, hatred will grow inside you and eat you from the inside out. She was right and I felt so ashamed. She laughed and told me not to be so hard on myself. She kept on smiling and laughing until the very last minute I want you to know that she never did stop fighting; it’s just that her body couldn’t keep up.

I just bought tickets and I’ll be boarding the plane on November 19th. I’ve missed you so much and I can’t wait to see you. I’ll be there for Thanksgiving with you and I’ll really know exactly why I’m so thankful. Don’t bother writing back, I’ll be back home before your letter even arrives here. I’ll be home with you.

Ian

PS: No matter what.

November 19, 1997

10:30 PM

PLANE CRASH KILLS 17

An aircraft headed for Honolulu, Hawaii has crashed and landed into the Pacific Ocean. Surviving passengers claim that weather played a part in the accident.

“We were flying over the Pacific Ocean and the turbulence was stronger than usual. I felt the plane drop a few times, but it had always managed to get up again. Suddenly, the plane plunged downwards and chaos followed as passengers all around me were scrambling to pull their life jackets from under their seats to put them on,” remarks survivor Jon Evans.

Two planes were sent to assist in the rescue and recovery efforts. 17 travelers were unable to activate their lifejackets and have been killed. The names are as follows: Aiden Jones, Alexis Wheeler, Emma Stevens, Riley Simmons, Cameron King, Andrew Joyce, Elijah Biggs, Avery Mahoney, Taylor Ardila, Jordan McHugh, Jacob Anderson, Noah Bazoge, Dylan Spencer, Hannah Murphy, Chloe Murray, Mary Philip and Ian Kingsford.

May God bless them.