Where is the world I once knew

The world where it was all fascinating

So beautiful and pure

Passing me by so slowly

And yet not touching me in any way

My world now is a blur

Passing me by and cutting me with a thousand knives

As I look up at the gray sky of the evening

I can almost see my hands smear the paint of the sky

The gray and white and black all blending together where my hand was

And I want to paint myself with the paint of the world

To become beautiful to everyone

To become something special

Something worth something

All I ever wanted was to be noticed as a person

To be loved for me

And yet, my real self is still inside

Hiding from the outside

Terrified of the pain that the world could inflict

Bloody, beaten, bruised by the harsh words of others

I wish sometimes that I could just pretend I could fly

And end it all on the ledge of a building somewhere

Pass from exitance and show everyone that yes, I was here

And I meant something, even if I didn't know what that was

I want to tell them, I was real

That I am, was, could be? something wonderful