The Joys of Being Famous

She was sitting on her couch and starting a new book when the phone on the corner table rang. She took a quick look at the call display and sighed, debating internally whether to pick the receiver up or not. After another two rings she gave in and took the phone off the hook.

“Do you have any idea what I’ve been through today?” came a harsh whisper.

“Hello, Dale,” she said in a monotone voice. “Did you get mauled when you went to get some milk again?”

“Worse.”

She suppressed a giggle. Ever since Dale had become a music star, fans constantly assaulted him wherever he went. Of course she stayed his loyal best friend all through that time, but it didn’t stop him from being rude on the phone after his latest escapade with his fan club or the paparazzi. He had now moved back to his hometown in hopes of escaping, but it appeared as though his fan club still followed him around.

“I was walking the damn dog when I was suddenly attacked by all these screaming girls,” he continued, continuing to whisper. “I have no idea where they came from, but they were suddenly there with their stupid pictures of me. I’ve signed so many autographs that my hand twitches every time I think about it!”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!” she asked with a small laugh. “Are your clothes still on?”

“Very funny.”

“Well you only have yourself to blame. The front cover of your CD has you without a shirt. Girls really like to see that ripped chest. They’re really curious to see what else you have that’s ripped.”

She could hear Dale suppress a groan. He was probably hiding out somewhere to avoid his fans.

“Can you just get me out of here?” he whispered with ice in his voice.

“Why are you whispering?” she mocked.

“I’m hiding out at—“

“Woah!” she suddenly yelled out. “Are you sure you should be telling me where you are? My phone might be tapped.”

“Enough with the sarcasm! Just get me the hell outta here!”

She sighed. She was used to the treatment by now. Becoming a celebrity changes everyone, or so she supposed. “Alright, where are you?”

“I’m in that alley on Fifth Avenue. I’m hiding in a pile of garbage.”

“Where’s Alex?”

She always asked about his dog, but he always gave the same answer.

“I had to ditch that idiot dog to get away from the girls.”

“Oh, you’re so cruel. One of these days that dog isn’t going to trust you anymore. He’s just gonna bite you on the ass for leaving him who knows where. I find it amazing that your fan club hasn’t kidnapped him to pluck off all of his hairs; you know, because you pet him with your bare hands.”

“They tried that before, except they held him ransom. I don’t know why I actually paid that ransom to get him back. He’s useless. I bought him so that he could protect me.”

“What did they make you pay in? Autographs? Pictures? Kisses? Quickies?” she asked him, stifling her laughter.

“Just shut up and get over here!”

“Well I’ll tell you what. See if you can make it to that coffee shop on Fifth without being noticed. I’ll pick you up there. You’d better run. Don’t break a sweat now, or they might just smell you out.”

“Whatever,” he replied curtly.

“Love you too,” she added sarcastically. She heard a click on the other end, and then the phone started beeping. He had hung up. She did likewise.

She stretched and sighed, looking at the cover of her book. It was just starting, but she was already hooked. She didn’t want to leave it just so that she could save Dale, even though he was her best friend. Settling back onto the couch, she started looking at the first page again, when she got an idea.

He needs to learn that I don’t like taking all that crap he puts me through.

She grabbed the phone and hit a button on her speed dial. She had made this call a few times before, and was now well known to the person she was calling.

“Betty Isler, the Dale Seeder Fan Club leader,” came a high voice on the other end.

“Betty? It’s Sherry.”

“Sherry!” came an excited reply. “How are you?”

“Oh, I’m alright,” Sherry replied sweetly. She smirked as she took a deep breath. “Look, you didn’t hear it from me, but Dale will be taking photos with his fans at the café on Fifth Avenue. I hear that he’ll not only be shirtless, but the first button on his pants will be undone. It’s a real opportunity.”

Sherry pulled the receiver away from her ear as Betty squealed in delight. “Just remember to bring your own camera!” she called into it before hanging up.

Setting her feet on the couch and shifting her body so that she was lying down, she opened her book and started reading.

I’ll let them have a five-minute head start.