Route 11

I remember when we lay in bed, the two of us together.
You cried out within your sleep, the love you had of me so deep.
I couldn’t sleep the nights away, but only turn and toss
the very day that found me devastated at your loss.

I don’t want to let you go in any shape or form.
Legend says destiny forgets them who’s souls are trapped on route 11.
I want to think heroics, but I’m not sure if that could be.
I think you swerved into your death because she looked like me.

I swear to go and see you, and be strong, my roadside love.
There’s a veil that somehow shrouds you, I wait empty here without you.
The very least I need from you is some abstract form of closure.
I hope that at your grave site I won’t fail and lose composure.

And I drove fast down route 11, screeching to a halt.
Click the seatbelt off, the doors unlocked, and out into the road.
No other cars to ever see, and then off into the trees
I walk a hidden path and buckle down onto my knees.

A patch of blooming trilliums grow on recent disturbed ground.
Clawing at the ground in tears, the sounds of crickets fill my ears.
I strike my chance to walk away with dignity upon this,
and whisper, “I will find you. That’s my vow, and that’s a promise”.

As the sun was losing stamina, a light rose from the earth.
A small enchanted willow wisp to show me where my lover is.
Part of me did pray the light would show me he’s in heaven,
but hard pressed am I to think that bliss exists on route 11.

And I drove fast down route 11, I turned the headlights off.
Past trees, branches under the wheels, my light to guide on the windshield.
There’s dirt still in my fingernails, my eyes are raw and red.
In the cemetery next to you, I felt it. you’re no longer dead.

Until a finger’s breadth the dawning of the sun into the sky,
I drove for miles and hours, dreaming you under the flowers.
I had gone to you with purpose, to give back all the love you lent me,
but I left again with everything and somehow just as empty.

I slept until the night approached, so that I could see my guide.
Behind the wheel, I slept up straight and dreamt that I could see your face.
It doesn’t matter what I said, I’ll keep to what I told you.
All I really want now is to find you and to hold you.

And I drove fast down route 11, until the paling of the sky.
Driving faster every night until the coming of the morning light.
That night ago when you crashed, I’d no idea what that costed.
Every night I search for you, just slightly more exhausted.

Until one morning, fevered dreams made me freezing sweat.
I dreamt that I had found you, and I’d put my arms around you.
I’d stood with purpose to fill my void at the head of your cradle,
but as I looked into your newborn face, I was once again unable.

And the night, the wisp, hope led me on down a never ending road.
Branches on the forest floor seemed all that I had seen before.
For days and weeks I have been searching all the while for you
interesting that all I feel is simply, strongly déjà vu.

Every night leads me nowhere, it just stretches to another dawn.
I won’t turn back my promise knowing I’ll soon find you wherever I’m going.
Night by night I’m driving through this labyrinth’s turns and bends.
No matter how long or how fast I drive, route 11 never ends.

And I drove fast down route 11, losing faith and feeling cold.
Still no cars in any sight, quaking, things are not alright.
I start to feel as if all hope I had is just like me somewhere lost.
I’ve been searching for forever, and I haven’t found my ghost.

Though I am hungry and I’m tired, I know for sure I’m wide awake.
Wonderment, my guide’s allure, awake I am, of this I’m sure.
Suddenly from up ahead, my speeding car in a familiar place,
I crash the pedals, screech a halt, try not to hit a familiar face.

White and ghostly split second instant visage of you.
Too soon, too close, my rattled nerves can’t take the sight, and so I swerve.
Into the trees just off the road at side a hidden path.
My life had been in circles for the deities to laugh.

But I had kept my promise, and the light had shown me here.
I thought that you had left so far, but you had never left my car.
So many, many nights, I’d searched with headlights off in the black,
If only I had listened, I should have known to have come back.

Some of the weight is gone, but still I feel so voided.
I found a new beginning somewhere far away from living…
I don’t think that in leaving here I’ll find a better place,
but I admit to you that was good to see once more your face.