Personal Space

Maybe the baby wasn’t wrong.

Coming from me that statement could have a lot of possible meanings. I am of course referring to lil Johnny. He really is Professor Charles Xavier reincarnated.

I go into Brand New, the comic book store, last night to get my weekly dose of indulgence. Adam is there with his shaven head and reddish brown goatee, though I almost don’t see him because he’s behind the counter register. I see his goatee is getting long at the bottom there. He is kind—he is always kind. Such a warm smile.

While I am gawking at the shelves, his brother-in-law arrives. I hear his voice and recognize it. Dave has a pleasant voice, an easy-going manner. And no baby in his arms today. Nor is he in his speed racer costume. He’s sporting jeans and a long sleeve button down with a suit jacket over it. A tad more dressy than usual. I am me; I must comment.

“Lookin’ snazzy today aren’t we?”

“Me?” He says. “Not really.”

“You’re wearing lapels today.”

“Well if I take the lapels off—“ He shrugs his shoulders out of the jacket and pulls it half way down his back. I watch. “See I’m normal underneath. I’ve actually been wearing this a lot more lately.” He pulled the jacket back up and straightened it.

I nod. “So why the lapels today? Or was the jacket just for warmth?”

He sighed ever so slightly. “Well today it is just for warmth.” There was a downward tone to his voice.

“And why is that?”

“Well, I thought I had an interview this morning. But I didn’t.” He tipped his chin down just a tad with that last.

“So you’re on the job hunt.”

Both he and Adam laughed. “Well I’m hunting a job the same way old men in the northwest hunt duck when they drink too much and accidentally hit something while shooting guns off the front porch.”

“Ahh I see.” Stifling a chuckle. “So what do you do?”

“I’m in graphic design.”

“So you do art and drawing and stuff. That explains the association with this place.”

He paused for a moment and Adam said, ”You should have taken that other job when they offered it—the porn.”

“Oh yeah, porn.” He made a pained face. “I’d probably still be with them.”

“Porn?” I said, trying to keep the disgust from being too emphatic.

“Yeah. Face it, everyone wants some.”

“I’d rather have the real thing.” They looked at each other as they pondered that for a moment, then nodded in agreement.

“I’m not the one that brought it up.” Dave said. “It was the bald guy in the corner.”

“No. It was—no you’re right. It was me.” Adam said.

“Yeah. I wouldn’t have brought that up.” Dave picked up a squishy toy fish from the counter and walked over behind Adam, looking over his shoulder at the computer screen, as if to walk away from the conversation. Then he looked over at me again. “Are my ears red?” he asked me.

“Yes.” I said and he reached his hand up to touch his ear.

“And warm too. See.” He leaned over the counter and said, “Feel them.”

“I’m sure they are.”

“No, no. Touch them.”

“I believe you.”

“No, see, they are all red and warm. Just touch them.”

“Okay, okay.” I took the top of his left ear between my thumb and forefinger gently. “Yes. Your ears are hot.” I placated.

Dave smiled and moved back behind Adam. “She said my ears are hot.” I shot him a look and a crooked eyebrow. “I was just trying to embarrass you. You know, get you to shy off.”

“Well now that I know that, it’ll never happen.”

“I don’t know about that. You have no idea what lengths I’d go to to make you blush.”

“But it is the surprise that is vital and you just killed it, so never.”

Adam interjected, “Okay you two, I have to put a stop to this before someone gets arrested.”

“Arrested?” I asked

“I know how far Dave might be willing to go.” I was still waiting for the connection. “Indecent exposure.”

“Ahhh.”

“You know Tyson was in here the other day. He said he hadn’t heard from you in a while.”

I let my mock anger loose for a run. “I’m gonna pummel him. I told him where I was. He’s the one that wasn’t answering his phone.”

Dave looked a little surprised. “You’re going to pummel him? Hmm, I can cause Tyson pain from a distance.” He rubbed his hands together.

“That’s assuming that ‘pummel’ means pain.” Adam winked at me.

“Yeah it could just be kinky.” Dave said acknowledging and accepting the new idea as certain truth.

“Except that Tyson and I aren’t together.” I said flatly.

“Come on, we’ve seen you two together.” Adam said patiently, looking up from his work.

“Are you trying to tell us that you two aren’t sleeping together?”

“Not ‘trying’ I am telling you.”

“Sure, you’re not.”

“I’m not.”

“Maybe not yet.”

“Not ever.”

“Now how can you say that?”

“Really easy. We’re not, and we won’t.”

“Maybe you should. I mean it couldn’t hurt anything.” Dave added.

I laughed. “That’ll never happen.”

“Never say ‘never.’” Adam said.

“Never.”

Adam shook his head as if he were disappointed.

I could have sworn they knew better, at the same time I wasn’t all that surprised ‘til Dave spoke. “You treat him like your boyfriend.”

“Do I now? Well that’s how I treat everyone.”

Dave’s eyes sparkled as he grinned, “You slut.” He stage whispered.

“Can I have something to throw at him?” I asked Adam.

“Give her the fish.” He said, indicating the jelly-filled toy fish Dave was playing with.

Dave obediently complied. I caught the toy and threw it back at him overhand. “Tyson and I are not sleeping together. But everyone thinks we’re doing it.”

“We did. I think we still do.” Adam said, glancing at Dave for back up.

“Well, think it if you want, but you’re wrong. Tyson and I are apples and oranges.”