Never Had A Chance

Chapter One – Moving Day

I pulled the squeegee across the windshield and watched the water rundown and pool around the wiper blades. When I lifted the blades the rubber squeaked as I drug it over the glass. The gas pump cut off and I dropped the squeegee in the bucket of bubbly blue liquid. That stuff always smells funny. I wonder why? I tightened the gas cap and snatched the receipt then I was in the car and on the road again.

It felt good to be out on the open highway, kind of like I was scratching an itch that I hadn’t even realized I had until that road stretched out in front of me. Today was moving day. According to the plan I should have all my worldly possessions stacked in the back seat and be on my way to California. But this trip wasn’t on the calendar. It hadn’t been in my plans, but then again neither had losing my career, my apartment and my trust all in one blow. The trap had been laid for me and I walked blindly into it. No. I drowned out my thoughts with the radio. Today I wasn’t going to think about Matt or moving, or Denise, or any of that. The more I thought about what had happened the more it hurt and I didn’t have the strength to hurt any more.

Rose had called me just two days before and in my battle against loneliness I decided to pay her a rather spur of the moment visit. I had been so busy working and building my writing career that I hadn’t seen her in months. We went way back, farther than any of my other friends. Growing up we spent summers playing dress up at her house and sneaking into my bedroom to listen to the forbidden Country and Rock stations on my radio alarm.

She met Levi when she was 14. After church one Sunday she told me he was cute, so I told him. And that was the beginning of our wild and wooly teenage years. Levi came from a pretty rough home and cultivated a pretty rough reputation, but he turned into a puppy dog around Rose and soaked up every ounce of affection she gave while I covered for her.

Things really picked up once we turned 16. Levi’s family moved back to his father’s hometown of Parsons, nearly an hour away. Rose was heart broken, until we met Connie. She was Levi’s cousin, a year older than we were and a very willing accomplice. She invited us to spend weekends with her. According to our parents we were too young to date, but Connie opened up a whole new realm to us. Friday after school we explained to our mothers how Connie’s church was having a special evening for young people complete with a preacher and Bible quizzes. Then those 80 miles disappeared under the tread and we picked Connie up and went out to meet the boys. It could be a park, or McDonalds, and sometimes we really did go to church. Sometimes we just drove around for hours in the dark listening to music and talking. There were always plenty of guys, but Rose never strayed from Levi’s side. They belonged together and no one challenged that fact.

Me? They were all so cute. I crushed on Ryan and his blue eyes for a whole summer before I moved on to Nate. Micah, he was hot and a little full of himself. Lenny stole my first kiss. Lenny also took me to my first concert. It was just an independent band in a rundown club, but that was where I discovered musicians.

I watched that boy up there playing his guitar, sweat running down his face, his fingers moving too fast for me to follow but he knew exactly what each one was doing and where it was landing. He was focused. He was confident. Arrogant? Yes. But then he opened his mouth to sing. Words tumbled out. Delicious words that told a story about a heartbroken young man and the woman he longed for.

I watched and dreamed that it was my song he sang; and that it was my words he brought to life. I was hooked. All the other boys just paled after that. No on could fascinate me like the man on stage.

I left my graduation party early to see a band in town. Rose and Levi got married that fall and had a baby the next winter. Little David. While I was working full time in a home for mentally handicapped adults and struggling with rent and car payments and scribbling lyrics on the backs of ATM receipts Rose was buying chicken on sale and changing dirty diapers. But it was time for a visit. I exited the highway and turned onto a winding road.

I might be spending the day in Hickville-Parsons but at least I wasn’t at home surrounded by boxes and condemning thoughts that hounded me and wouldn’t let me be. I cut off my own thoughts again. The only thing that mattered anymore was what was right in front of me.

Ten more minutes and one turn around later I was standing at Rose’s front door. I knocked on the screen, opened it and stepped inside. There was Rose, her dainty little self only slightly rounder with baby fat. I hugged her and hurried to the living room to coo over four-month-old David who was busily slobbering on a stuffed bear. I snuggled him close and listened to Rose brag about how he could rollover partway and how his hair was really starting to come in now and it looked red! She was so excited and it rubbed off on me. We settled David in his stroller and headed out to the garden.

“Here ya go.” She handed me a set of work gloves then grabbed a flat of tomato plants. “Levi just rota-tilled the garden Saturday so the soil should be easy to work.”

“Ok.” I started hoeing holes while she followed behind and set in the tomato plants and patted the dirt back around them. “It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.” I told her. “I don’t even get flowers planted at my place.”

She straightened up and lifted the watering can. “A grocery budget is great motivation to garden.”

I tossed a stone across the garden. “I guess I’m too much of a city girl.”

“You’re not a city girl.” She was laughing.

“I know.” I chucked another stone. “But I’m definitely not the woman you are.”

“What do you mean?” She was sprinkling lettuce seeds.

“Well.” I kicked a clump of dirt to break it up then smoothed it out with the hoe. “You’re the perfect wife and house wife.”

She looked up at me. “And you are the perfect caretaker for developmentally delayed adults.”

I shook my head.

“You’re not happy with your job?”

“No. I am.” I was digging more holes for peppers. “I love my job. I love my residents.”

She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. “I’m glad you’re here today. I think you needed this change of pace.”

I laughed, but I agreed. Davey was squealing and I gladly picked him up and snuggled him.

“Come on!” Rose was calling. “It’s taco time!” Tacos were a tradition with us. We had sneaked out of quite a few study halls Junior and Senior years to make Emergency Taco Bell Runs. Levi arrived home from work just a few minutes later and tossed his lunch box on the table as he gave me a one armed hug then grabbed Rose for a kiss.

“There’s a ballgame tonight. Wanna go?”

“Really!” Rose lit up instantly.

“Yah, Mike beeped me and told me. Starts at 6.”

“We gotta hurry then!” Rose turned up the stove burner. “Maureen!” She shoved a head of lettuce at me, “Get this ready!” Levi swiped a lettuce leaf and stuffed it in his mouth. “Shush!” She slapped at his hand. “Go shower! You stink! We’ll have supper ready when you’re out.”

I had thought I might head home in the early afternoon and stop to visit my grandparents on the way but when Rose had been so excited about the game and Levi had announced “Of course she’ll come with us!” So, of course I did and now there was; squished onto a hard wooden bleacher. My butt was going numb. I looked out onto the ball field. It was just a church softball game. Not many people were there, but I knew most of them. Lots of old friends. It was so crazy. Those guys out there, well I guess they were men now. When did that happen? One day we were all 15 and flirting and the next we’re 25 and they are all grown up and married. That was the scary part. I looked at the girls around me. They all had babies. The only exception was Lois, the girl at the end of the bench. She was just blushing-ly beautifully pregnant and due any day now. How did that all happen? Was it like one morning they all called each other? “Let’s all have lunch and then we’ll get pregnant!” Now, wait, something happened before that. They got married! Even before that! They fell in love! Ah hah! That must be where my problem lies. I’m no good at the loved part. Well ok, I’m really good at it. I fall in love all the time. Have I ever mentioned the UPS man? He is so cute! Or that guy I saw at that concert last summer? Wow! He had gorgeous eye. Problem is, when he asked for my number I bolted. I literally ran. Maybe I’m a commitment-phobe? I like a guy just fine until he starts to show a real interest in me, then bam! I’m gone. Outathere! Sayonara.

God, I feel like a kid in school again! I’m sitting at a ballgame! Wal-Mart brand diapers just don’t work. They leak and it’s just not worth saving $2.68 if you have to change her whole outfit every time. Don’t get me wrong. I loved these girls. But I guess you could say that I’m a little less home oriented? How did I end up at a church league softball game clapping because Ian just hit the ball over the fence and made an automatic home run, bringing in two other runners with him? Lois was cheering wildly for her husband, her tummy bounced along as she clapped. He guzzled a bottle of water and pulled at his sweat soaked shirt before dropping a kiss onto her forehead. I looked away.

When I turned my eyes away I looking directly into a pair of soft green eyes. Micah? God, how long has it been since I saw him last? “Hi.” He nodded and his mouth formed the word, but he was so quiet and the cheers around me were so loud that I wasn’t sure if it was actually spoken or only suggested.

I picked David up out of Rose’s arms. He was so cuddly and cute. Rose fixed the legs of the little blue pants he was wearing while I rubbed his tummy. “I love his stomach.” I told her. She was smiling back at me. Sometimes when I heard a story about a girl as young as her married to her first sweetheart, baby number 1 and already talking about baby number 2, I just want to pity them. They seem so innocent. Rose is so innocent. She never had a chance to get out and “see the world” or do all of the exciting things girls always dream of doing. But when I looked at Rose I knew she was happy. I knew she was exactly where she wanted to be. Levi was her world and David was the most exciting thing that could ever happen to her. She was seeing and experiencing more than I ever have.

Hello! I am revising this story and reposting it as I go! I hope to make it even better! But there will not be any plot changes that require anyone who read it before to re-read it.

Please give me constructive critism. If you love it, please tell me why. If you hate it, please tell me why. This first chapter was very difficult for me to write. I am not experienced with first person and I had a lot of trouble with tenses. Can you tell? What did you notice that I need to improve? Thank you so much for your time.

K Ree