Behind the Stupid The secret life of Superman

Announcer: welcome to behind the stupid. Today we have a very special guest. Fro-

Camera man: um, may I say something?

Announcer: yes

Camera man: isn’t Behind the stupid kind of a dumb name? I mean who’s gonna watch a show that has stupid in its name?

Announcer: look we’re on FOX. What did you expect? Anyway, today we have the man of steel himself, Superman! Can you tell us a little about yourself sir?

Superman: no. as a super hero, I must always maintain a veil of secrecy as not to reveal my identity.

Announcer: come on.

Superman: well, ok. Being superman really stinks. I mean, c’mon people can’t you stay safe for more than 37 seconds?!

Announcer: apparently not. Can you tell us about your personal life?

Superman: well, y-yes (sniff)

Announcer: is something wrong?

Superman: n-n-n-no, it’s just that I’m so miserable being Superman! I’m so depressed! I mean how would you feel if you couldn’t die!? I just can’t get myself killed! I hate my life so much! (sob)

Announcer: o…k. let’s go to Superman’s close friend Clark Kent.

Kent: well sir, I know Superman very well and let me tell you, it isn’t all glory and fun for ‘im.

Announcer: how so?

Kent: (NOT SUPERMAN!) it seems to me that the city of Metropolis is constantly under attack. It’s a lot of work for him and it’s extremely stressful.

A: let’s go back to Superman.

SM: (sniff) (breaks down again) AAAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!

A: oh, for the love of god. We are now getting a signal from Superman’s arch-enemy, Braniac.

Braniac: I would just like to say that Kal-el is right.
A: uh, Kal-el?

B: Kal-el is the one you call Superman. It’s pretty stupid really.

A: I see.

SM: What did he call me!?

B: stupid. I called you stupid Kal-el.

SM: why you little… B: what are you going to do Kal-el? Hit me? or maybe your going to fly away in a rocket as I destroy your planet.

(Lex Luthor walks in) Quiet you.

B: make me. (Luthor unplugs him) damn it.

LL: where did Kent do anyway?

SM: I don’t know. (franticly tries to hide Kent’s tie in his suit)

A: what are you dong?

SM: nothing.

LL: I’m leaving. You’re all idiots.
Camera man: now see what you morons did? (leaves)

A: shut up. (timer goes off) well that all the time we have. See you next week when we delve into the life of Darth Vader! Good Night!

(SM takes out gun and fires into his own head. The gun explodes.) Damn!( attempts to stab himself. Knife snaps.) crap! I just won’t die! (sob) why me!?! WHY!?!