He and I

He never says what he means. I never keep my mouth shut. Trying to communicate with him becomes a physical activity, because he will not say what he is thinking. He infuriates me. I nag him constantly, trying to talk to him, to get to know him. I always know how I feel and why. He is never sure.

He excels at math; I struggle at times. I love the arts: theatre, music, dance, poetry. His passions are namely athletic. He makes an effort to attend my performances. I have never seen a single soccer game.

I have no control over my emotional state. I even cry in public sometimes. My mood swings are loud and reckless. I care too much. He does not care enough. Totally introverted, his emotions never lie on the surface.

Our insecurities drive us in different directions. He upholds a confident façade; the mask works well. Everyone loves him. He pretends to be simple, which people mistake as mysterious. His insecurities show humanity. My insecurities define me.

In reality, neither he nor I can handle confrontations. We lack the confidence and trust in others. We are at war most of the time. I confront him with an issue; he sees it as an attack and puts up a strong defense. He is never in the wrong. Our fights are my fault.

He always nags me because I cannot see the good in anything, and I always envy him for never seeing the bad. We argue constantly. Our tempers get the best of us. In his frustration he seeks seclusion. I chase after him, preparing for another fight.

He hates school and does not appreciate his education. He has no interest in current events. He is homophobic. I am an incredibly liberal thinker. Some of my closest friends are gay, and I refuse to understand his aversion to a people based on their sexuality. He teased me when I told him I was going to the pro- choice rally. He teases me constantly. I am not good at doing things right.

Our friends give him credit for the most trivial matters. They notice his absence. Sometimes they do not notice my presence. He cannot handle relationships. He can barely handle himself. Conflict intimidates him. I seek out drama, to take my mind off of less petty problems. We easily hate the same people, sometimes each other.

He scares me. I have known him for over three years, but I do not really know him at all. I want to know him better than anyone. He can show complete apathy towards me and then, suddenly, he is holding onto me for dear life. He thinks he will lose me. I think he will leave me. We both fear the inevitable. We’re falling apart.

It was intriguing at first, trying to see the world through another person’s eyes. But after so long and after never changing, even the most novel things about someone become unbearable.