I truly believe she’s punishing us for never coming home for Christmas. She does this every year and it’s a total disaster, every year. We’ve all started drinking already; it’s the only way we could get through the rest of the day. Families are the supposed to be the happy close-knit affairs you see on TV, not the walking freak show that we are. The smell of the roasting chicken is starting to seep into the room and I wonder how long it will be before we implode, I wonder if anyone will live to taste that chicken. Sarah, my mother, is pouring more wine for everyone and I’m tempted to ask if Julia needs any help in the kitchen but I’m not really in the mood to piss her off. At least not yet anyway. Julia is the family’s live in cook/maid/whatever and she has worked here longer than I have been alive. I always preferred her to Sarah, Julia is your stereotypical plump Italian woman with a hug for every child she meets. She was soft and sweet unlike Sarah who was, and still is, hard and spiky. It’s a curse of the rich.

Anyway, I don’t want any sympathy for my mother being a bitch, which too is a curse of the rich. I am not the “poor little rich girl” of this story. I think I should try and explain the extended family before we all sit down to the disaster of dinner. Firstly, there are my parents, Sarah and Malcolm Wright. Dad is really rich and I mean really rich. We are the epitome of ‘old money’, I never bothered to find out why and how and all that jazz, girls don’t tend to inherit their father’s foundations. Sarah, my mother, spends Dad’s money and that is her job. Seriously. Next are Mike and Meredith, my parents’ live-in lovers. Mum and Dad often have to appear in public together and do magazine interviews and lots of other publicity related things. So, they give the illusion of a happy marriage when in reality, they barely speak to each other. Then there is me and my siblings, Tom and Bethlehem (Beth for short, for obvious reasons), I got lumbered with Persephone but I go by Seph. Sarah always did have a flair for the dramatic, I think Dad chose Tom’s name though. Lucky bastard. Anyway, Beth is married to an IT consultant called Tony and they have a five year old son, Alex. He’s really smart and really quiet, we get on really well. Tom has brought another girlfriend along, this one is called Jess but there’s no point in remembering it. He’ll have a new trophy by this time next year.

I have also dragged along my husband, Clark, who is a total star for putting up with all this shit. However, we have left Clark’s boyfriend, Matt at home. Nobody in my immediate family knows that I married a gay guy or that I was fully aware of his sexuality when Dad paid for our million pound wedding. It’s all about publicity. I’m a socialite heiress and Clark’s a movie star, it was the perfect occasion and it got us into all the papers and magazines. Clark’s PR people thought it would be a problem if he came out to his fans and so, I am his trophy wife. I enjoy it, Matt keeps me company when Clark is filming and things work out. Enough with all that boring nonsense anyway; dinner is served.

As well sit in relative silence around the table, sipping at our soup and ignoring each other, I wonder why any of us even bothered to show up. But I know the reason, it’s her, it’s always her. The money may be Dad’s but Sarah has all the power. I wonder if it’s wrong to have such loathing for the woman who gave birth to you.

“So, Tom,” started Sarah, I’m sure the entire table sighed with relief that they weren’t her first victim. “Bethlehem and Persephone have both settled down now, are you thinking of getting married anytime soon?”

“Mother, I’m only twenty six. There’s plenty of time to settle down in the future,” smiled Tom graciously although I could see the exasperation in his eyes already. Each of us had our big red button for her to gleefully push; Tom’s was marriage, Beth’s was her attempts to lead a normal life and mine was children. She couldn’t wait for Clark to impregnate me which would be a miracle considering we had only ever had sex once, on our wedding night because we were both wasted on very expensive champagne.

“You’re right, son,” smiled Dad. “You take your time,” Jess looked decidedly uncomfortable with the topic of conversation so I dove in headfirst to rescue her.

“Jess, how did you meet our Tom then?” I asked, smiling at her across the huge table. She played with her napkin idly as she looked across at me, smiling back nervously.

“Er… we were both at this launch party for No Love Lost, they’re this new punk band, they’re really good. Anyway, we got talking and he asked me out for dinner,” she said, looking up at Tom every so often until he pressed his hand over hers.

“Sounds delightful,” said Sarah, the distaste evident in her voice. “I’m sure Thomas treated you like a princess,” Jess nodded enthusiastically, completely oblivious to Sarah’s biting sarcasm.

“I like No Love Lost, they’re really good. There’s definitely some heavy Clash influence to their music, it works well,” said Meredith to nobody in particular. “I also like the fact that it’s an all female band with a male lead, it’s very unusual,” I nodded in agreement, I liked Meredith a lot. She worked for NME and she was really cool, had her ‘finger on the pulse’ as they say. Meredith is the only person I trusted enough to tell about Clark.

“Let’s not bring work to the dinner table,” snapped Sarah, Dad glared at her but she ignored him. The empty soup bowls were being removed and when she moved on to Beth… why do we set ourselves up for this? I should’ve stayed home with Clark, a video and a bottle of wine. “So, Bethlehem, are you putting Alex into a private school?”

“No, Mum. I don’t think he needs any special attention; he’s going to the local school. It’s only down the road from our house,” I was impressed with Beth’s control, she could be as volatile as me but she seemed calm right now.

“It’s not about him needing special attention, it’s about him having the best education money can buy. You’re depriving him of that chance,”

“I don’t feel we’re depriving him of anything,” said Tony.

“That’s because you’ve never had money to spend on things like this,” said Sarah. I was shocked; the main course wasn’t even here yet. Beth looked angry and Tony was silent. “You can give Alex so much more,”

“Drop it, Sarah. They want Alex to have a normal life,” said Dad sharply.

“Ah, the elusive normal life,” she hissed and downed her glass of wine in one mouthful. As if hearing the lull in conversation, the hired help rushed in with the main course; Julia’s perfect Italian recipe for lemon and rosemary chicken. As the suited men served everyone, I leaned across and rested my head on Clark’s shoulder.

“Next year, make sure we don’t come,” I whispered, he laughed softly and kissed my forehead, the way he always does when he knows I need some comforting. I sat back against my chair and sighed to myself as I realised that I was next in line for Sarah’s questioning. But it wasn’t Sarah who spoke up, it was Mike. I was shocked, Mike and I never really spoke to each other, it was hard accepting him as my mother’s boyfriend when he had only been a year above me at school.

“How long have you two been together now?”

“About two years now but we’ve only been married for nine months,” I smiled politely. I could practically hear Sarah’s mind ticking over with my every word.

“Nine months? You’re still in the honeymoon period; it won’t be long before I have another grandchild now,”

“Yeah,” grinned Clark. “I can’t keep my hands off her,” I couldn’t help but burst out laughing, I knew everyone was staring at me as if I’d gone mad but I didn’t really care. This entire situation was a farce, I wanted to scream the truth to everyone and never look back, I wanted to tell Sarah that this excuse of a happy family was a total fake. “C’mon darling, don’t be embarrassed,” I looked up at Clark’s beaming smile and let myself fall into his arms.

“You guys look so great together,” smiled Mike, I looked over at him questioningly and prayed he wasn’t feeling nostalgic. I did not want to drag up our past in front of my mother.

“Well, you and Mum seem happy together. I think you and Meredith moving in was the best idea all round,” said Tom suddenly. I smiled thankfully, Tom was fully aware of what had happened between Mike and I during one summer holiday filled with heady hot days and sweaty nights. He and I had kept the pact of never letting Sarah know that I’d had her boyfriend first.

“Yes, it was a good plan,” said Sarah haughtily. “As long as the media don’t find out which is difficult considering Meredith’s job,”

“Sarah, don’t start,”

“No, Mal, I can stand up for myself. Look Sarah, I know that I don’t need to work but I love my job and I refuse to sponge off you and Mal for the rest of my life. I like my independence,” said Meredith. I ignored them and ate the rest of my chicken and vegetables before it went cold, the arguments were starting earlier than I had thought. My money had been on dessert but clearly, I was way off.

“All I’m saying is that if our slightly unorthodox lifestyle ever made it to the front pages of the tabloids, we would know who the blame fell on,” Sarah was on form tonight, her acidic tongue hadn’t stopped since we sat down. I’m surprised she hadn’t given herself whiplash.

“That is enough, Sarah,” shouted Dad. “We had rules about this sort of thing and you are just blatantly attacking Meredith for no reason,” Sarah waved her hand through the air as if waving away the conversation and remained silent.

“Julia really has outdone herself this time,” mumbled Tony through a mouthful of chicken and potato. Beth nodded in agreement and everyone began talking amongst themselves as they ate. I was sick of this familial hell already; I would have faked a seizure if I thought it would get me out of there.

“Do you think we’ll be getting out of here tonight?” asked Clark, I sighed sadly and shook my head. “I need to let Matt know we’re not coming home,”

“Who’s Matt?” asked Beth, I gave Clark a quick glare and swallowed hard. I hadn’t realised we had been talking so loudly.

“Just a friend who’s staying with us for a while,” I lied, hoping it sounded convincing enough. After all, it was almost the truth.

“Not following our parents’ bohemian lifestyle then? Husband and a live-in lover?” laughed Tom, Jess and Beth joined in but I could only offer a smile. I didn’t like this conversation and I could hear Clark shifting uncomfortably in his chair as he tried to laugh a little. Meredith gave me a sympathetic smile, I had told her about Clark after getting trashed on my hen night. As much as Sarah hated Meredith, she was the only person at the table who I trusted fully.

“Leave Seph alone, she’s already got an over-amorous husband to deal with and you’re forcing a live-in lover on her as well. The poor girl would be knackered,” laughed Meredith and I couldn’t help giggling, the idea of Clark in the role of the over-amorous husband was too much to take.

“Enough of this vulgar talk, I’m sure Persephone would never have an affair. Now, let’s talk about something else,” said Sarah. “Mike and I have decided to go on holiday next month, probably to Hawaii; I’ve always wanted to go there,”

“What about Dad?” asked Beth.

“What about him? He’s got work things that I’m not needed for. I’d like a holiday with my boyfriend if that’s alright with you, Bethlehem?” She was getting snappy again and I could feel my anger rising again. I hated her, I loathed her, if I had the courage, I’d have jumped across the table and strangled her where she sat. Julia would probably kill me for scattering her well prepared food across the floor.

“Jesus Christ, do you ever stop?” I snapped. “All you do is bitch and moan at everyone. You’re a horrible, horrible woman, Sarah,”

“Seph, don’t do this now,” whispered Clark, a protective hand instinctively resting on my shoulder. “Don’t hurt yourself,”

“I think you’ve had too much wine, darling,” she said in that same patronising tone of voice she had used when I was a teenager.

“Fuck you,” I hissed, pushing my plate aside and downing my full glass of wine, daring her to say something. I was ready for war, I didn’t care anymore. Everybody at this table was hiding a million and one secrets in fear of upsetting the perfect balance of this warped family unit and I’d had enough. “Why do you think we never visit you? We all hate you; you’re the worst person I’ve ever met in my life,”

“That’s enough, Seph. Calm down,” said Dad, softly. I know he didn’t mean it, he was saying it to keep the peace, so that Sarah wouldn’t accuse him later on of siding with me against her.

“No, I won’t, she needs to be told,” I pointed accusingly at her and for the first time, she actually looked nervous. “Beth doesn’t want to live her life like you did; she wants to have a normal life with her family. It’s nice to have the money to fall back on but it is not the be all and end all of the world. Tom will never settle down, Sarah, he’s like some playboy prince. He likes having fun and he will always have fun, why would you marry him off only to have his cheating splashed all over the front pages?” She started to open her mouth but I held my hand up to her, I wasn’t finished. “Clark and I don’t want to have children; we’re not the children type. So, get it out of your head right now, you will never have grandchildren from me. And while we’re on this subject, why don’t you ask Mike about our child?”

Sarah whipped her head around to face Mike, she glared at him with murder in her eyes and I immediately felt sorry for him. Tom shook his head at me from across the table but I didn’t care. Maybe I had had too much wine but it didn’t matter anymore. The truth was out and she just had to face up to the facts, she was only hurting herself by lying to herself. Clark held my hand tightly; I think he was pleased I hadn’t screamed his big secret out to the table but that was the big one, that was the secret I would keep locked away in my heart forever. I couldn’t hurt Clark, I loved him to death, he was my best friend.

“What the hell is going on, Mike?” asked Sarah, Mike looked across at me but he didn’t look angry, he just looked a little sad. “Don’t look at her, just tell me the truth. What is she talking about?”

“It was a long time ago, Sarah. It doesn’t mean anything anymore, Seph and I were a couple for a while at school and she got pregnant. It was sorted out though and now I love you, okay?” he said. I sighed softly at the memory of the hospital and my Dad looking over me, so concerned and filled with love at the sight of his little girl lying there helpless.

“You got my daughter pregnant?” she asked, the annoyance in her voice had reached record levels.

“Don’t sweat it, Sarah,” I sighed. “It’s all in the past, I know Mike loves you and I have no feelings for him at all. I love Clark, he loves you. Just… I don’t know,” Sarah looked at me; her eyes were red with the effort of not crying. I grabbed Clark’s hand and stood up. “We’re going home, we need to get back to Matt and to be honest, I didn’t want to be here in the first place. Daddy, I love you and I’ll ring you when she’s in Hawaii. Meredith, call me okay?” Meredith nodded and quickly squeezed my hand as I walked past.

“So what?” sniffed Sarah. “You just came to my house to wreak havoc and walk out?”

“You named me after the first queen of Hell, what did you expect?” I said and Clark and I walked out. I didn’t look back once and I didn’t regret anything I’d said. I love my Dad and I love my brother and sister and I love my gay husband but I hate that bitch and I don’t care what any of you think of me. She deserves nothing from me and that is exactly what she gets.

Nothing.